Guest post by MJ Lisbeth
Yesterday, the 27th of March, was the 86th day of the year. It included the 89th school shooting in the United States of America.
I could write a screed against the “gun culture” of this country, where there are five guns for every four people. I could also rail against the inefficacy and indifference of public officials and, most importantly, the people who elected them. And the same people would sigh and nod; others would go on a rant about “the price of freedom—as if there were some sort of equivalence between the right to own as many guns as one wants and the right of another person to lose his or her life because said gun owner “lost it” after having a bad day.
But, as with every other mass shooting—or mass murder of any kind—the pundits, politicos, and too many ordinary citizens miss another important point. Yes, gun regulations need to be stricter. Even more to the point, though, we need more and better mental health screening and treatment—supported by an actual system that truly supports its practitioners as well as its patients.
Oh, and we need ways to keep schools and other institutions from barring such services, or parents from keeping their kids away from them—or, worse yet, enabling conditions deleterious to kids’ mental health–on “religious” grounds.
I don’t know all of the particulars of Audrey Elizabeth Hale’s experience as a pupil of The Covenant School, a conservative Christian institution in Nashville, Tennessee. (The Covent School is a ministry of Covenant Presbyterian Church, an Evangelical institution.) But I can make a very educated guess about at least one thing because, well, it probably paralleled something I experienced.
At the time Hale stormed the school, he was referring to himself with male pronouns, on his LinkedIn page and in personal interactions. Nashville Police Chief John Drake, on the other hand, referred to Audrey with female pronouns in discussing the incident.
Now, Chief Drake may have made an honest mistake: If I had seen “Audrey Elizabeth Hale” on a piece of paper or screen, with no corroborating information, I would have assumed it to be the name of a girl or woman. And, I am sure that Mr. Hale has been misgendered more than once—what trans person isn’t?
But I can only imagine how many times he had been deliberately misidentified. Worse yet, I know all too well what he must have experienced in a school that, I imagine, some parents send their kids to in order to keep them away from “influences” that include people like me—and him—who knew that we aren’t the gender to which we are assigned at birth.
Even if Mr. Hale didn’t experience the bullying too many kids endure—from adults as well as other kids—for not conforming to the gender he was assigned at birth, he almost surely bore the emotional and, at times, physical burdens of moving through the hallways, the playground, the day and life itself in a body that didn’t align with the ways in which he understood himself—and, worse, having to make that body, and his very being, conform to the expectations his teachers and other adults placed on him in the name of the God they claimed as their guide.
Please understand that I am not trying to excuse or condone a mass shooting by Audrey Elizabeth Hale or anyone else. Nor am I trying to imply that the children or even, for that matter, the staff members he killed “had it coming to them” or were collateral damage. Rather, I want to point out that being bullied for what one is—whether that bullying comes from one’s peers or authority figures—leaves indelible scars. The bullying itself is just part of the emotional violence inflicted on someone like him, or me. Another and, perhaps more pernicious, “prong” of what impales us is the fact that the tormentors justify their actions with a higher authority. Folks who run schools like Covenant believe that their faith—or, more precisely, their interpretation of it—authorizes them to “fix” someone who doesn’t conform, if not to beat the non-conformity out of them. And, even if they can’t articulate it, kids who bully other kids who aren’t like them do so when they know the adults who are supposed to be in charge won’t hold them to account or will even enable them.
Chief Drake said investigators believe the shooting may have stemmed from “some resentment” Hale harbored over having to attend that school as a young person. Anyone who plans such an attack, even if the victims are random, and writes a manifesto as to why he is doing it, is dealing with more than just “resentment.” To me, it’s more like the residue of dried blood from a thousand cuts authorized, in the minds of the cutters, by their belief in a God who doesn’t create trans people or anyone else who doesn’t conform to their ideas about masculinity, femininity or, more importantly, humanity—and who let the peers of the victim inflict still other wounds.
Oh, and it was just too damn easy for someone in Hale’s state of mind to get, not just one weapon, but a mini-arsenal—and too fucking hard to get the support he so desperately needed, not to change who he is, but to move away from a life he couldn’t live into one he could have.
Now I have to wonder how many little versions of Audrey Elizabeth Hale (or the author of this piece) were among the young victims or other kids in that school—or could have grown up to be people who love and accept themselves, and others, as they are. If an educational system, a religious institution or a culture can’t or won’t help young people in that way, it fails them and leaves them vulnerable, not only in an attack on the schools or churches they attend, but to harm they inflict on themselves without understanding why. In short, such institutions, guided by interpretations of mythology and outright fiction, inevitably turn out people like Mr. Hale and his victims.
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Your comments are welcome and appreciated. All first-time comments are moderated. Please read the commenting rules before commenting.
You can email Bruce via the Contact Form.
Thank you, MJ. Thank you for writing that essay. Thank you for being you.
Thank you MJ. I felt like transgendered people were becoming more accepted, and then Trump et al (but especially religious right) decided persecuting trans people was the way to make the society how they want it. I have a trans friend who was able to get her birth certificate changed before laws changed. But I am ashamed of a country where guns can be had by anyone, and any minority can be treated cruelly (and trans people are horribly persecuted). Doesn’t seem to lead to a peaceful, happy country. I think you are brave, MJ, to talk about your experiences. If only!
I am honestly confused after reading numerous mainstream media articles about the Nashville school shooting. Nearly all of them mention that the alleged PERP was transgender. However, there is an extreme lack of clarity on the facts surrounding the PERP’s transgender condition. For example, Erin Burnett on CNN tonight indicated the birth certificate gender was female, but the chosen gender was male. Other articles are either uncertain, or they indicate that the PERP was male on the birth certificate with a personally chosen gender as female. One article in a major city newspaper said the Nashville police pulled down the pants of the dead shooter to check out the nature of the PERP’s sexual equipment (I swear!!!!!). However, the article did not say what was found during this anatomical examination.
Can someone with accurate knowledge please clear up this confusing mystery for me? Was Hale a birth certificate male who had chosen a female gender, or was Hale a birth certificate female who had chosen a male gender? Thanks for your help in answering this question.
You may also be interested in my brief article on the Nashville shooting over at the “Flee from Christian Fundamentalism” blog. The link is https://faith17983.wordpress.com/
Good article MJ. It’s struck a chord with me in the way that Christian bigots use God as their authority for their hateful views. They can deflect criticism of their bigotry by saying ‘it’s not me that deplores transgenders, it’s God’. Well not any more in my book!
Here’s an interesting article on Hale’s interaction with the church and school and the church’s view on transgender people:
https://baptistnews.com/article/how-the-church-of-the-nashville-shooting-winds-through-history-gender-wars-church-discipline-and-the-sbc-sexual-abuse-study/
Thanks MJ. I find this situation painful on many levels.
Like I have done with other such mass murderers, i will not use this persons name. They have lost their right to name or be remembered. I won’t let the focus be on anything but the innocent victims and their devastated families. This person was self centered and chose a horrible end. They won’t be excused by me, regardless of any reason they may, or any mental health condition,
I know you are not excusing this person and understand you want to bring focus to the ways people suffer. It is true that fixing these problems can make this world better. I don’t think anyone in power cares.
People in power will do what they always do, pretend to care, utter some horrid phrase about defending gun rights, argue over what assault rifle means, make some reference to mental health, discuss how only their god can fix this, blame rampant immorality, talk about dealing with people with mental health problems, then ignore it all and do nothing until the commotion dies down.
The only difference here is they will use this to further vilify trans people. It has already started. This will amplify the belief that trans people are mentally ill. That discussion was already simmering, and will soon be on full boil.
And I predict their solution will be to ban trans people from owning weapons because they are obviously mentally ill.
Hate and indifference is running this country. I have had it with all this bullshit. Fuck the political leadership of this country. Fuck the USA. Fuck the bigots who spread hate. Fuck all Christian who are indifferent and part of the problem. Every single one of them share responsibility in this school shooting madness.
And I am done. I have seriously had it.
Thank you, MJ, for your thoughtful insight into this situation. Nashville is where I grew up, where I spent 21 of my 1st 24 years of life. I still have family and friends in the area, and my daughter has recently decided to make Nashville her home after graduating from my alma mater Vanderbilt University. I know the city as it was, and I see how it has grown, especially with the mass influx of people (many from California) seeking a more conservative haven. Christianity is dominant, and conservative politics have become increasingly extreme in the state.
When this particular shooting happened, my husband said to me, “the shooter bears similarity to you with their resentment to having been sent to a religious school.” I flinched for a second, but he has also seen how much work I have put into recovery from religious trauma (and I am 35 years out from having attended fundamentalist Christian school). I am not familiar with the particular school, but the Baptist News article certainly sheds some light onto the type of religious sect the school is affiliated with, and in that I see the binary “traditional” gender norms that are so harmful. Even looking at the students who were pictured with the traditional gender-based uniforms reminded me of my 8 years ranting to my mother about the ridiculousness and injustice of gender-based dress codes. For someone assigned female at birth but who knows themselves to be male to be forced to wear a skirt 5 days a week, it must have been sheer torture. I never identified with traditional gender norms, and it was torture for me to be forced to wear a skirt for the majority of days – it would have been so much worse had I identified as male.
My thought about the shooter was that this is a person in a LOT OF PAIN. I am in no way condoning or excusing the choices they made to plan a violent attack and carry it out. What they chose to do was egregiously wrong. It does, however, provide another public and extreme example of how traditional gender indoctrination and legislation severely damages people. This coupled with outrageous culture wars intended to silence people, and with the ludicrous and irresponsible availability of weapons, is a recipe for further damage.
I had my radio on when the news broke about Hale. And when I heard that a Christian school was the site of the shooting,I thought it was indeed most likely a former student who could have been mistreated at the school when they were young. Especially in the South,corporal punishment is still condoned. Though gender disputes have a major role here, no one has gone into the possibility of abuse at home or that school. I have to say,though since Hale shot people who never did a thing,they were total strangers not involved with the past, and Hale could have used the money spent on weapons,to leave for a more tolerant area- I can’t find much to empathize as far as the act went. Leaving town,or the state was the best option,hands down . And yes,it looks like a hate crime. In Vermont,or Cali,NYC, Hale wouldn’t stand out at all. And Hale should have at least tried to get out of Kentucky. Even if it meant taking money and valuables from the parents to use to travel. It will come out later, the real causes of all this rage that was too long stuffed down. I doubt that gender alone is the sole cause. Innocent kids died. That’s what Hale will be remembered for.
Here’s an update with some links. The church in this shooting incident has a history of sexual abuse and cover- ups. ( Why am I not surprised). It’s hard to do research on a phone, and I can’t download things like with a computer. There is janespeaks.com, it mentions the cases and perps,and victims. I don’t know IF Hale was abused there, but it wouldn’t be a shock. There’s also complaints of a cover- up. Quite a can of worms here. Even cops and DCS protected the church leaders. Good Ole’ Boy stuff. There’s a lot that’s not being said about Hale’s background. ( thesilentbell.org). The main perp,John Perry, was excommunicated from the church, prior he had free reign to do what he wanted. He’s also an author with ties to
Mike Huckabee,and Pastor John MacArthur. Among others. I don’t know if Hale interacted with Perry. The parents are making odd- sounding statements about Hale. It will all come out in the days to come. The cops in the footage where Hale was shot were really jazzed. It didn’t take them long to kill Hale, they seemed unwilling to even try to negotiate. I hope Hale’s pants weren’t pulled down,at least.