This is the eighty-fourth installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a video clip of sermon preached by Steven Anderson, pastor of Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona. Those uninitiated into Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) thinking will likely think Anderson is insane. He is, but his view of women is quite common among churches and pastors who proudly claim the IFB moniker.
This is the one hundred and twenty-eighth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Come Down Jehovah by Chris Wood.
Come down, come down from your mountain, Jehovah,
My neck is terribly stiff.
Hitch up your robes and your raiment, Jehovah,
Climb down to the foot of your cliff.
And drink from the stream that was always beneath you,
Drink from our wonderful font.
‘Cause paradise is right here on earth, Jehovah,
What more could we possibly want?
Come down and talk amongst friends, Jehovah,
Come down and sit at your ease.
Walk through the woods and the valleys, Jehovah,
Sail upon glistening seas.
Pass on what you’ve learnt to the children, Jehovah,
And listen to what they have to say.
They say, ‘Paradise is right here on earth, Jehovah,
Not tomorrow, but right now, today.
And Devil come up from your fiery furnace,
Come up and show us your face.
There’s nothing you can teach us of evil or hatred,
We don’t have right here in this place.
There is nothing so evil as man in his mischief,
Nothing so lost or insane.
And bring your demons up, too, so we’ll know it’s not you,
But it’s us who must carry the blame.
It’s us who must live with the shame.
Come down, come down from your mountain, Jehovah,
Come down and be with us here.
Heaven and hell and the life ever after,
It’s such a beguiling idea.
But our spell on this earth is much richer, Jehovah,
Richer than you’ll ever know.
When it comes time to leave it behind,
We just close our eyes and let go.
If we’ve done our best we’ll be ready for a rest,
We just close our eyes and let go
This is the one hundred and twenty-seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.
Today’s Song of Sacrilege is That’s Your Horoscope for Today by Weird Al Yankovic.
Aquarius
There’s travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day
Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep
Taurus
You will never find true happiness – what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you’ll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest
Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver’s test
Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss’s face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik
Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent – except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.
Where was I?
Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak
Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you’ve got hanging in your den
Capricorn
The stars say that you’re an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they’re lying
If I were you, I’d lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (that’s your horoscope for today)
That’s your horoscope for today
That’s your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That’s your horoscope for today
This is the thirty-ninth installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.
Today’s bit is Put the Bible Down, it Will Fuck You Up by Eddie Griffin.
Warning, many of the comedy bits in this series will contain profanity. You have been warned.
This is the eighty-third installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a video clip of sermon preached by Bob Jones,Sr., the founder of Bob Jones University. Jones was a Methodist.
This is the eighty-second installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a video clip of Pat Robertson answering a question about polygamy.
Atheist Hemant Mehta posted an article today answering the question, why do atheists care so much about religion? Specifically, Hemant responded to a video by Evangelical intellectual giant (I know that’s an oxymoron.) Mitch Stokes. Here’s the video:
Atheists don’t really care that you believe in what we consider bullshit.
We care about the effect your beliefs have on the world, because faith-based ideas have caused a lot of damage. They’ve been responsible for stalling LGBT rights, wrecking science education, opposing women’s autonomy, obstructing proper sex education, ignoring environmental damage, blocking scientific progress, murdering abortion providers and so-called blasphemers, and breaking apart families.
All in the name of God’s love, of course [love the snark].
If you care about critical thinking, science education, and evidence-based public policies, then you better be speaking out against religion.
Hemant gets right to the point: most atheists don’t care about religion from a theological or personal piety perspective. What they DO care about is the EFFECTS of religion. And for atheists in the United States, our focus is on Evangelicalism, Mormonism, and conservative Catholicism — religions with dangerous theological tendencies.
I do care about the influence Christianity has on our culture and government. I do care about the damage done to society in the name of the Christian God. I do care when people are hurt, maimed, and killed in the name of the Christian God.
When Christians want to turn the United States into a theocracy…It matters.
When Christians want their religion to have preference over any and all others…It matters.
When Christians demand atheists and agnostics be treated as the spawn of Satan…It matters.
When Christians attempt to teach religious dogma as scientific fact in our public schools…It matters.
When Christians attempt to force their religious moral code on everyone…It matters.
When Christians attempt to stand in the way of my pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness…It matters.
When Christians abuse and molest children in the name of their God…It matters.
When Christians wage wars thousands of miles away in the name of their God…It matters.
When Christians mentally and emotionally abuse people…It matters.
When Christian expect preferential treatment because of who they worship…It matters.
As long as Christians continue to force themselves on others, and as long as they attack and demean anyone who is not a Christian…It matters.
As long as pastors and churches get preferential tax code treatment…It matters.
That said…
As to who you worship and where? It doesn’t matter.
As to what sacred text you use? It doesn’t matter.
I want all Christians to have the absolute freedom to worship their God.
And…
I want that same freedom to NOT worship any God or another God…
And as long as that courtesy is not extended to me and to every human being on the earth…
It matters.
I write the way I do because I think Evangelicalism — an inherently Fundamentalist religion (See Are Evangelicals Fundamentalists?) — causes untold heartache and harm. In its wake are countless lives and families that have been ruined by Evangelical beliefs, practices, and political views. If Evangelicals were like the Amish, I doubt I would have much to write about. But, they are not. They are an exclusionary political and cultural force that considers much of the human race to be enemies of their God and religion — sinners in need of salvation. Using fear and promises of forgiven sin and eternal life to fill its pews and offering plates, Evangelical churches trample under foot all those who reject their beliefs.
Granted, many atheists don’t care about religion. The same could be said for many Christians. These people just want to live and let live. I wish I could do the same, but I can’t. There is too much at stake to ignore religion. Left to their own devices, American Christians would quickly colonize North America for Jesus, becoming a Christian equivalent of the Taliban. While Evangelicals strenuously object to such a caricature, their actions speak louder than their words.
Mark Anthony Escalera writes for the Defending Contending (link no longer active) blog. Recently, Escalera wrote a post about how right he was/is about LGBT people. He concluded his masturbatory self-adulation with this:
Oh yes, one more thing. Just forget about this article. It really is nothing more than the deluded thoughts of man who is nothing more than a bigoted crackpot. In fact, he probably still believes that the Word of God is good for all that pertains to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). As crazy as it sounds, he probably even believes that GOD DOES NOT CHANGE and that JUDGMENT IS COMING!
I am glad that Escalera sees himself as a deluded, bigoted crackpot. Rarely are Christian Fundamentalists as self-aware as Escalera is in the aforementioned quote. Of course, he was being sarcastic, but sarcasm often reveals the true nature of a man’s heart. Kudos to Escalera for seeing himself as he is.
Escalera’s post is titled LGBT is coming for YOUR Children. (link no longer active) In I TOLD YOU SO fashion, Escalera stated:
When I began writing at Defending Contending over 8 years ago, I continued shouting the warnings that these days were coming. I shouted like a madman just as I have for years in the ministry that the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah were coming. I warned about the LGBT movement over and over. I argued with passion that they would NEVER be content to just destroy the Biblical pattern of marriage which was established by God as being between one man and one woman until death.
I was very vocal that the LGBT movement hated God and would strive diligently to destroy true Biblical Christianity. I also told you that they would infiltrate every aspect of government, the military, commerce, and down to the school system. Most have ignored me. Many mocked me. I have received more hate email than I care to have ever read.
In addition, I told you that they had a homosexual agenda. Their agenda has been detailed at great length that can be found with a simple search using any search engine.
Yet Christians closed their eyes. Pastors refused to take a stand. Churches capitulated to the enemy. It started simply enough by making comments like, “Well, what they do behind closed doors is not really anybody’s business.” But the LGBT movement was NEVER going to be content with that. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was not good enough for those who support this very small, but vitriolic and violent segment of the population who wanted complete openness to practice their abominations.
A year ago, Escalera wrote a post about the LGBT community “stealing” the rainbow. Here’s what he had to say:
After the flood, God created a rainbow to be His seal in the heavens. It was a declaration to show the mercy and longsuffering of God. The rainbow was His picture to a depraved world that while He would never again destroy the world with a flood, He would be coming again. The next time He comes, there will be no rainbows. There will only be fire and total destruction of ALL that stand opposed to Him.
The true rainbow is made up of 7 different primary colors of a spectrum. It is a beautiful reminder of the wonder that God long holds up His wrath and judgment against the wickedness of this world. Seven in the Bible indicates perfection and completion.
However, Satan perverted that sign and it is now used around the world as a symbol of “gay pride.” It has only 6 colors. Six in the Bible is the number of man. This “rainbow” is not a true rainbow, but is a symbol of perversion, debauchery, sodomy, lust, pedophilia, and bestiality – just to name a few. The one below is a perversion, and for the record, the White House KNEW what was coming and this was done deliberately. Read Psalm 2 for the conclusion….
In a post titled Mark Anthony Escalera Follows Dorothy Over the Rainbow Over Gay Pride Flag, I easily and quickly dismantled Escalera’s argument. Here we are a year later and Escalera once again has a hard-on over yet another LGBT offense. What is this offense, you ask? Why it is a web video series titled “Queer Kid Stuff.” According to the video creator’s website, the videos are meant to teach three to seven year old children about what it means to be LGBT. The goal, according to the producer’s website, is to “eliminate stigma by properly educating future generations through entertaining video content.”
Here is the first video, titled What Does Gay Mean?
There is also an activity page that goes along with the video. You can check it out here.
I suspect many readers — myself included — likely think that this video is inappropriate for children ages three to seven. I am sure that the producer means well, wanting to put an end to LGBT stereotypes and misinformation, but children of this age don’t need to be sexually educated beyond what they receive at home. If the target audience was ages ten and up, I would likely not object to such children being taught what the word gay means. I highly doubt that any public school district will use these videos to “teach” preschool and first grade students about what it means to be gay.
Escalera, a homophobic conspiracy theorist, is certain that the goal of LGBT people is to abuse, rape, and sodomize children. Escalera must be confused, because most of the sexual violence against children that I read about is being perpetrated by Christians. Day in and day out newspapers publish reports about pastors, priests, deacons, evangelists, missionaries, and evangelists abusing, raping, and sodomizing children.
Escalera can’t be bothered by facts. He KNOWS that LGBT people and their supporters are out to destroy Western civilization. Escalera sees the LGBT community winning court battles which grant them equal rights and protection under the law and it scares the heterosexual right out of him. Same-sex marriage! Transgender bathroom use! Gay Pride! What’s next?, Escalera wonders. Treating LGBT people with love, kindness, and respect? Allowing them to have the same rights as heterosexuals? Perish the thought!
Escalera is right about one thing. There is a battle going on over who will teach and influence children. In a Fox News report about the Queer Kid Stuff videos, Sean Ryan, communications director of the pro-family organization Mass Resistance, based in Waltham, Massachusetts stated:
It is easily conceivable that videos such as these will be sanctioned eventually by local school boards and implemented in preschool and prekindergarten classes. Activists are trying to force these topics on younger and younger children because that is the only way their movement wins. Rational adults don’t buy into the so-called ‘Queer Theory’ or transgenderism. Unfortunately, children are a soft target for homosexual activists as they are malleable and still learning about the world.
Yes, children are indeed a soft target, and that is why Evangelicals, Mormons, and conservative Catholics aggressively indoctrinate them in Fundamentalist beliefs, knowing that the sooner they turn children into ignorant homophobic bigots the better. Evangelicals in particular spend significant time and money on evangelizing children and teaching them the “right” way to view the world. Early on, Evangelical children are reminded by pastors, teachers, and parents that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. While most Evangelical churches and pastors are not as vitriolic as Independent Fundamentalist Baptist preacher Steven Anderson or Westboro Baptist Church, these bastions of Fundamentalism certainly do all they can to ensure that their children grow up to be good Christian heterosexuals.
Escalera wants to continue minting compliant, obedient Jesus-loving, sin-hating, Bible-believing, LGBT-hating heterosexual Christians. Secularists and humanists, however, think religion — particularly Evangelicalism — is a bankrupt ideology that is impeding progress and civil rights and promoting hatred and intolerance. The future of the human race hangs in the balance. Escalera rightly senses that things are not going his way and this scares him. He simply cannot bear the thought of living in a world where people love and respect one another regardless of their religion, skin color, gender, or sexual identity. I suspect he wants to live in country where Evangelical Sharia law forces LGBT people back into the closet. And for those who fail to return to the darkness and shame of the closet? Arrest and prosecution, perhaps even death. In a November 6, 2015 post titled LGBT — Choice or Genes, (link no longer active) Escalera stated:
The science aspect of this question is rather simple. There is no “gay” gene. There never has been a “gay” gene. There never will be a “gay” gene. Modern scientists will strive in vain to find that which undermines and countermands the Word of God. The reason is because modern culture hates everything about God. It hates the Bible with a passion because it points out the sin nature that is found in every man, woman, and child who has ever lived. Modern culture wants to think that man is getting better and better. Because of this thought process, it demands that all must conform equally to whatever is considered to be the acceptable norm.
….
There was a time when acts such as lesbianism and homosexuality were punishable as crimes, and we do not have to go all the way back to the Old Testament to find that such behavior has long been considered an abomination. However, if the only guide we had to what is acceptable behavior, we can go all the way back to creation to find that God made them male and female. Ultimately, the final authority belongs to God. He created marriage to be between one man and one woman, but sin has destroyed all of that. God created marriage to produce and populate the earth and to care for His creation, but sin has destroyed all of that.
While people such as myself see the LGBT battles of the last few years to be signs of progress, Escalera sees things differently: (link no longer active)
What is next? Polygamy? Many false religions already allow for this and it will not be long before they will demand equal protection for their lifestyle. The polygamists of Utah and Colorado used to be a very quiet group who worked diligently to stay under the radar of the authorities. Now, television and movies have promoted this lifestyle as being acceptable. Judges are already throwing out cases that involve polygamy and it will not be long before polygamy will no longer be a crime, but will be openly acceptable behavior from any who choose to have more than one husband or one wife.
What else is coming? Bestiality? Lowering the age of consent to accommodate the agenda of the LGBT community? Yep, all of the above and even worse will be coming because our societies in the west are on a cliff-face headed straight for hell. If you doubt that the LGBT community has an agenda, then you are living like an ostrich with your head in the sand.
The Roman Empire was destroyed from within by its debauchery. Rome became a place where biblical Christianity was mocked while allowing polygamy, slavery, and the selling of boys and girls for whatever perversions were needed to satisfy a person’s lust was on offer. Our society will also soon be there because it hates God, but God will not be mocked. Neither will His judgment be withheld forever.
Millions of Americans thinks just like Escalera. Little can be done for them. Their minds have been ruined by too much drinking of one hundred proof Fundamentalism. The best we can do is pass laws that promote tolerance, respect, and equal protection under the law, knowing that younger Americans are far more progressive and tolerant than their parents and grandparents. Outside of doing these things, we must patiently wait for enlightenment to choke the life of the Mark Anthony Escaleras of the world. Things seem bleak at times, but I do believe better days are just beyond the horizon. Evangelicals are the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz. We all remember the scene when she met her ignoble end….I’m melting, I’m melting. Evangelicalism is melting, and will one day be no more. I doubt that I will live long enough to see it, but I do hope my grandchildren will witness the whimpering death of the beliefs that once caused great harm to millions of people.
This is the thirty-eighth installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.
Today’s bit is Why Breast Implants Are Like the Bible by Mark Normand.
Warning, many of the comedy bits in this series will contain profanity. You have been warned.
This is the eighty-first installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a video clip of a sermon preached by Donnie Romero, pastor of Stedfast Baptist Church, Fort Worth, Texas. Romero is the bosom buddy of Steven Anderson. Romero named his church STEDFAST instead of STEADFAST because the word is spelled STEDFAST in the King James Bible.