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Some Dogs, Cats, and Hamsters Go to Heaven After They Die

dogs reading the bible

I am sixty-two years old. I spent fifty years in the Christian church. I pastored Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan for twenty-five years. I have spent the last decade writing about Evangelicalism. You would think, by now, that there is nothing Evangelicals could say or do that I have not heard or seen before. Surely, Solomon was right when he said, “there’s nothing new under the sun.” Well, Solly boy, you are wrong.

Recently, Evangelical author and preacher Randy Alcorn decided to answer a question about animals in Heaven. Evidently, more than a few Evangelicals are stressed out over whether Rover or Fido will go to God’s Heavenly Trump Hotel® when they die. Here’s what Alcorn had to say:

Look at Genesis 1 and 2, and the highlight of all creation built up to is people. But right before people came animals. Those living beings, the first living beings that God made, animals. And it’s magnificent and wondrous that the first responsibility God gave to human beings along with to be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth was to manage and care for animals. Adam named the animals. With the Flood, God makes a covenant not only with people but with animals. This is stated again and again in Genesis 6 through 9 and the Flood account. What we find in Isaiah 65 is the wolf and the lamb—and he specifically calls this the New Earth, so this is not just the Millennium. This is the New Earth. In verse 25 of Isaiah 65, ‘the wolf and the lamb shall graze together, the lion will eat straw like the ox,’ and then in Isaiah 11, it’s got leopard, goat, calf, cow, bear, ox, lion, cobra. When God remakes the earth, why would he not remake it with animals? Well, we know He will for sure because of these passages that have animals on the new earth, but also because Romans 8 says the entire creation has fallen. Creation fell on the coattails of human beings. So animals suffer death because humans sinned, and humans suffer death. But it says in that passage that not just human beings but the entire creation—well then, who does that leave that has suffered on this earth? Animals will experience the resurrection of the sons of God. So since some animals who have suffered [and who are] alive in this lifetime on this fallen earth will … be raised, which animals will those be? I think the most logical answer to that would be—and wouldn’t it be just like a loving God to do this for His children—that He will bring back those precious pets that He has entrusted to our care. We have a golden retriever named Maggie, we had a dalmatian named Moses, [and] we had a springer spaniel before that named Champ. Those dogs are very real to me and I anticipate actual reunion with them in heaven. By the way, I didn’t use to believe that, until I spent those two or three [years] studying Scripture intently every day on that subject. The Bible changed my mind on that subject.

NOW I have heard everything!

First, Alcorn spent two or three years studying this issue? Really? Surely, he using hyperbole (or lying). How long can it take to read and study the relevant passages of Scripture? Not long, surely no longer than an afternoon in the study with a Bible and a good bottle of scotch. I suspect that Alcorn wants people to know that he really, really, really studied this issue before he opened his mouth and added to the canon of nonsense for which Evangelicals are known.

Second, one of the biggest weapons atheists have in their arsenal is the fact that the Christian God allows innocent animals to suffer. Unlike humans who are sinners, animals stand blameless before God — except when they pee on God’s white shag carpet. The sheer violence and brutality in the animal kingdom are sure signs of that either the Christian God is a psychopath who gets off on suffering, is indifferent towards suffering, or doesn’t exist. I will take door number three.

Alcorn likely thinks that he is somewhat answering this challenge by saying that “some” animals will go to Heaven after they die. Animals aren’t sinners, nor can they repent and ask Jesus into their heart, so why does Alcorn assert that only “some” animals” will make it through the Pearly Gates? Simply put, Alcorn believes that only animals (pets) owned by Christians will inherit the Kingdom of God. In Alcorn’s mind, God is an awesome dude. He loves his bleating sheep so much that he would never eternally separate them from their pets. Alcorn leaves unsaid the flip-side of his argument: that the pets of unsaved people will go to Hell when they die. You can’t have Heaven without Hell, right? Or so Evangelicals have been saying f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

Imagine being a dog or cat at the local animal shelter. You so want to go to a good home, to be adopted by a loving, caring family. But now you have to worry about your prospective family’s religious beliefs. Choose wrong and you will be an eternal hotdog on a stick. Choose right and you will never have poop in an uncleaned cat box again.

Third, Alcorn doesn’t mention non-dog pets. Will Christian-owned snakes, pot-belly pigs, hamsters, gerbils, cats, horses, raccoons, squirrels, birds, lizards, and fish go to Heaven when they die? Or do Calvin’s doctrines of election and predestination apply to pets too; that only dogs chosen from before the foundation of the world will be saved from the wrath to come?

So many questions . . .

I can imagine Evangelical churches starting pet-centric evangelistic ministries.

Deacon Bob and Preacher Billy are out and about in the community knocking on doors. They come upon the home of an atheist who just so happens to own 666 dogs and cats.

Knock Knock

The atheist cracks the door open, holding back with his foot numerous dogs who want to escape or hump Preacher Billy’s leg.

Atheist: Can I help you?

Preacher Billy: Hello, my name is Billy, and this is Bob. We are in your neighborhood today knocking on doors. We would like to share the good news of the gospel with you and your dogs.

Atheist: My dogs? (saying to himself, these nutters are crazier than the Jehovah’s Witnesses)

Deacon Bob: Yes, after three years of intensive Bible study, we have learned that dogs too can go to Heaven when they die!

Atheist: Really? (saying to himself, these two guys have brain damage)

Preacher Billy: Yep. According to God’s inspired, inerrant, infallible Word, some dogs go to Heaven when they die!

Atheist: Some?

Preacher Billy: Yes. Their salvation is contingent on their owner being a Christian. If their owner is, uh, you know, an atheist like you, they will go to Hell when they die. Surely, you want your dogs to run the golden streets of the New Jerusalem for eternity, right? Please, Mr. Atheist, ask Jesus to save you.

Just pray this prayer: Dear Baby Jesus, I know I am a sinner. I know you died on the cross to save me and my dogs. I ask you to come into my heart right now and save me, and take me and my dogs to Heaven when we die! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Atheist: Sorry, Dude, but there’s no God, no Heaven, no Hell.  When my dogs die, I put them in a hole in my backyard. End of story.

Deacon Bob: Blasphemy! (Holding up an oversized rawhide bone) Come out from him, Satan!

The atheist derisively laughs, opens the door, and turns 666 dogs on Preacher Billy and Deacon Bob. These men of God flee into the night, shouting, “someday you’ll be burning in Hell with all your dogs! And then you will know we were right!”

The next day Preacher Billy and Deacon Bob are nowhere to be found. Late that day, the local newspaper reported that the two were chased by a horde of demon-possessed dogs, plunging over a cliff to their deaths (much like the Bible story about the Maniac of Gadera).

Moral of the story: beware of atheists and their dogs.

About Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Gerencser, 62, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 41 years. He and his wife have six grown children and twelve grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.

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Beware of Evangelical Haunted Houses

halloween

I grew up in Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) churches that believed Halloween was a Satanic holiday. I heard my pastors tell countless stories about the evils of Halloween. This was in the days when Mike Warnke traveled the land passing himself off as a former Satanist. In 1972, Warnke wrote a bestselling book titled, The Satan Seller. Warnke’s writing would lay the groundwork for later writers such as Lauren Stratford (Laurel Wilson), who wrote Satan’s Underground, and Johanna Michaelsen, who wrote The Beautiful Side of Evil. These three authors, along with radio shock-jock Bob Larson, helped fuel the Satanic Panic of the 1980s. While their shticks varied, one thing they all had in common — well, besides being exposed as frauds — is their opposition to Halloween.

Many Evangelical churches believe it is important to replace evil things with good things. (Please see The Evangelical Replacement Doctrine and The Replacement Doctrine: How Evangelicals Attempt to Co-opt the “World”) In their minds, Christianity shouldn’t be all about what Christians can’t do or what they are against. As a teenager, I saw this put into practice at Trinity Baptist Church in Findlay, Ohio. Instead of having Halloween parties or letting families decide for themselves whether Halloween was evil, the church-sponsored replacement events focused on fall or harvest. I really don’t remember much about these parties, but two highlights come to mind. One year, the event was held in the country, complete with a hayride, apple-bobbing, and trying to make-out without being caught by the youth director. Several of us decided to wrap the youth director’s car with crepe paper. Cool right? Well, he didn’t take his car home that night. The automobile sat all night, and come morning, a heavy dew caused the color to leach out of the paper, ruining the car’s paint job. To this day, they are looking for the boys who committed this vandalous act. By God, I will take their names to my grave! I’m no snitch. Another year, the church held a fall event in the church’s annex. The highlight of the night was a blindfolded trip through what was billed as Joe’s Body. We were led down lines that displayed various things that were meant to represent the various parts of Joe’s body. It was quite gross, more funny than scary.

Having come of age in an anti-Halloween environment, I refused to let my children practice Halloween – a fact which should surprise none of my readers. Not one of my six children went trick-or-treating — ever. Every year, I would remind congregants about the evils of Halloween, and every year, without fail, church members would quietly and secretly ignore my admonitions. Unlike the pastors of my youth, I wasn’t a big proponent of replacing worldly things with Christianized versions. I took the approach that Christians were called by God to holiness; that we had a duty to stand against Satan and the world, even if it meant we did without.

chick tract halloween
Jack Chick Tract on Halloween

Some Evangelical churches have decided to reclaim Halloween for Jesus. Instead of preaching against Halloween, these churches and pastors repurpose the holiday, sponsoring hell houses, haunted houses, and other “scary” events. Some of the events have turned into huge money makers for their sponsors. On such church is Trinity Church in Cedar Hill, Texas. Trinity describes Hell House this way:

Hell House was first opened in October of 1991 and is a creative alternative to the traditional haunted house. It is a theatrical dramatization of real life situations. Each year over 10,000 [at $13 a pop] people walk through its doors with an ambiguous expectation.

With Hell House now entering its 29th year, we attempt to keep that ambiguity going by offering new, fresh, in-your-face scenes and ideas. This year there are 11 scenes, with the walk-through taking an estimated 45 minutes (not including waiting in line). The maze-like walk will take your group through the scenes. Each scene will give you a look into the real life “hellish” issues that some deal with everyday.

Hell House is not meant for children under the age of 13. There are guns, blood, violence, intense scenes, and disturbing images.

What this blurb doesn’t say is that Trinity uses their Hell House as a means to evangelize teenagers and adults. Scare attendees, cause them to be fearful, and then swoop in and tell them that the answer to their fears is THE GREAT PUMPKIN — also known as Jesus.  As the following one-minute videos show, Hell House is all about evangelizing impressionable, vulnerable teenagers.

Video

Video

Evangelical-operated haunted houses and similar events exist for one purpose alone: to manipulate teenagers into making a decision to ask Jesus to save them. I have long argued that Evangelical churches and pastors almost always have ulterior motives; that their friendly smiles and benign “ministries” are just pretexts for what they really want: conversion and addition to membership. It’s all about the numbers. These preachers know that more asses in the seats equals more Benjamins in the offering plates. Rare is the Evangelical pastor or church that does something with no expectation of return — either by adding to their membership or improving their image in the community.

It is for these reasons that people should avoid Evangelical-sponsored Halloween events, even if the activities seem innocuous in nature. Most communities hold safe, fun secular Halloween activities. Why not support them, instead? Let’s not let Evangelicals steal yet another holiday! My God (Loki), they stole Christmas from Santa and Easter from the Easter Bunny, turning them into holidays about a virgin-born baby, his death 33 years later, and his resurrection from the dead.  Don’t let them do this to Halloween! Keep the witches in Halloween!

Other posts about Halloween

Halloween: Ten Reasons Why People Should Never, Ever Carve Pumpkins or Wear Costumes

Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Eleven Reasons Why Celebrating Halloween is a Sin

Annual PSA Concerning Halloween and its Satanic Origins

Halloween is a Satanic Holiday

Fundamentalist Pastor C.H. Fisher Dishes Out the Truth About “Helliween”

Happy Halloween! by ObstacleChick

About Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Gerencser, 62, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 41 years. He and his wife have six grown children and twelve grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.

Are you on Social Media? Follow Bruce on Facebook and Twitter.

Thank you for reading this post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. If you are a first-time commenter, please read the commenting policy before wowing readers with your words. All first-time comments are moderated. If you would like to contact Bruce directly, please use the contact form to do so.

Donations are always appreciated. Donations on a monthly basis can be made through Patreon. One-time donations can be made through PayPal.

Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Jarrid Wilson is in Hell, Says Elizabeth Johnston

This week, I read that Jarrid Wilson, Christian megachurch associate pastor and mental health advocate, committed suicide the day before National Suicide Prevention Day.

….

Can we just slow down for a minute and have a very important, life and death conversation about suicide and the conditions one must meet to enter heaven for all eternity? Are there conditions? Does everyone go to Heaven who wants to go there, regardless of their actions? Or are there conditions one must meet to inherit the greatest promise ever given to man, namely, eternity with our Savior in a place of unending righteousness, peace, provision, and joy?

Doesn’t scripture say that “no murderer will enter the kingdom of God”? Isn’t suicide murder of one’s self? Doesn’t the Bible say that “murderers will have their part in the lake of fire”? Isn’t the last act of a person committing suicide, self-murder?

Please know that it horrifies me to have to write this! I’m horrified that grieving people who know Jarrid . . .would be offended by this discussion. But what about God’s Word? What about those who are planning right now to ingest that bottle of pills and end it all?

….

Is it possible that Jarrid Wilson found a place of repentance moments before he breathed his last breath? Absolutely! Is it possible that Jarrid, after having gone too far in the suicide process and unable to rescue himself, cried out to God in repentance for his sin? Yes, it is possible and I pray that happened.

….

To tell a watching world, as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ, that killing yourself will get you a ticket to heaven (as long as you had faith), is not only unbiblical, but dangerous and reckless. If my children were sitting in a church or funeral service, where such a reckless proclamation was made about someone who killed themselves, I would have to escort my children out of the room and pray that no permanent harm be done to them with this toxic thinking. We have yet to see the tragic results of mishandling this crisis. What are we thinking? I pray to God that no one else loses a loved one because of the countless number of people who admire Pastor Jarrid.

— Elizabeth Johnston, Activist Mommy, An Open Letter To Pastors In The Wake Of Young Megachurch Minister’s Suicide, September 13, 2019

Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Christians Who Support Equal Rights for LGBTQ People Will Burn in Hell

homosexuality hell

Brothers and sisters in Christ – I AM ANGRY. It’s a Righteous Anger. It’s a Godly Anger.  ARE YOU ANGRY?  Or are you going to say to me “But the laws of the land say that same sex marriage is legal.”

To that I will say that we have a HIGHER law and that Law is from GOD – the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE!  And if you call yourself a Christian – I’m not talking about a CINO (Christian in name only) I’m talking about a born again, blood washed child of the Living God who has repented and agreed with God that living in SIN is evil, and trusted Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sin; again, if you call yourself a Christian and yet you affirm gay marriage and the LGBTQ agenda, well I have some bad news for you – you are on your way to a fiery hell.  YES,  you read that right.

REPENT!!

— Geri Ungurean, Absolute Truth From the Word of God, Everybody Comin’ Out of the Closet Except For the Saints!” Well I say IT’S TIME!, July 20, 2019

Don’t Cry For Me, I Know the Love of My Life is Waiting for Me on The Other Side

atheist-hell

Cyanide & Happiness hits the mark with their latest comic. Many Evangelicals believe atheists worship or follow Satan/Devil/Lucifer/Beelzebub. Never mind that fact that atheists believe Satan is every bit as fictional as the Christian God. I have given up trying to explain this to Evangelicals. They just know that atheists and Satan are in league together; that atheists are to blame for much of what is wrong in the world; that atheists will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire with Satan. All I can do is *sigh* and ridicule Evangelicals who refuse to speak intelligently about what atheists believe. Can’t fix stupid, I suppose.

atheists in hell

One of the Reasons I Love My Wife

text conversation

How do I love thee? let me count the ways . . .

Every day, Polly, without fail, texts me when she arrives at work. The screenshot above is of a text conversation we had earlier this week.

I love the last text from Polly, “I’d go to hell and back with you!” — complete with two smilies, signifying that her words are meant in a humorous way. We can’t, of course, go to hell and back. There is no hell. Hell and Heaven are mythical places used by preachers to keep congregants in line. In classic carrot-and-stick fashion, preachers promise congregants Heaven if they will play by the rules, and Hell if they don’t.

While there is no such thing as Hell, it is an apt metaphor for the lie Polly and I have shared. We started dating in the fall of 1976 and married the summer of 1978. This July we will celebrate our forty-first wedding anniversary. Polly and I have had a wide range of experiences as a married couple. Good times, hard times. Heaven, Hell. I can look back over our lives together and see we have experienced a fair bit of Hell in our lives: Poverty. A child born with Down Syndrome. Church strife. Severe health problems. Disagreements with parents and extended family. Loss of faith.  We have had extended periods as husband and wife when we wondered if would ever stop raining; if the sun would ever shine again; if life would ever return to normal. Yet, through it all, we persevered; and in that sense we have indeed been to hell and back. No matter the circumstance, with stoic determination we hung on, hoping (and praying) for a better tomorrow. And as sure as Donald Trump will say something stupid on Twitter, better times did come our way.

I could list numerous reasons why I love Polly, but the one reason that stands above all others is that when I have descended into hell, she has been right beside me, and when I emerge from the pit into the sunshine of a better day, she is still there.

Forty years ago, Polly and I stood before friends and family at the Newark Baptist Temple and recited the following vows:

Groom: I, Bruce, take thee, Polly, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

Bride: I, Polly take thee, Bruce, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

Till death do us part. The hells of life have certainly left us scarred, but we have endured. Every day presents us new challenges, but hand-in-hand Polly and I meet them together. And if we must, yet again, descend into hell for a time, we know we will make it because we have one another. To each other, we are friends who stick closer than brothers, even when it’s hot.

Polly and Bruce Gerencser, Wedding July 1978
polly mom and dad 2018 (2)
Bruce and Polly Gerencser 2018

About Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Gerencser, 61, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 40 years. He and his wife have six grown children and twelve grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.

Bruce is a local photography business owner, operating Defiance County Photo out of his home. If you live in Northwest Ohio and would like to hire Bruce, please email him.

Thank you for reading this post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. If you are a first-time commenter, please read the commenting policy before wowing readers with your words. All first-time comments are moderated. If you would like to contact Bruce directly, please use the contact form to do so.

Donations are always appreciated. Donations on a monthly basis can be made through Patreon. One-time donations can be made through PayPal.

Bruce Gerencser