For those of us raised in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement or other Fundamentalist sects, we are acutely aware of the subject of modesty. While IFB preachers will tell you that modesty applies to both men and women and boys and girls, most preaching on the subject applies to females, and not men. As a son of the IFB church movement, I heard numerous sermons on modesty, and once I became a pastor, I added my voice to the cacophony of holier-than-thou, sanctimonious preachers who felt duty-bound to regulate and control how female congregants dressed and looked
Sexually aware young women are told that they are gatekeepers in charge of protecting the virginity of hapless, weak, pathetic IFB boys and men. Unable to control their wants and desires, these horn dogs will run headlong into lust and fornication if young church women don’t cover themselves up and wear pastor-defined modest clothing. Young women are viewed as Jezebels or the harlot in Proverbs 7:
For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night: And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed. With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life. Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth. Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.
The woman in Proverbs 7 wore the attire (clothing) of a harlot. What, exactly, is the “attire of a harlot?” Just ask any IFB preacher and he will tell you in explicit detail what clothing is that of a whore. Note that this young man was allegedly forced by this woman to have sex with her. I seriously doubt that it took much “force” on the harlot’s part to get the young man to climb into her bed perfumed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
When IFB preachers preach on this text, it is the harlot who always gets the blame for taking advantage of the young man. Never mind that he was a stupid boy who was out and about at the wrong time and place. One could argue that he was looking to score. Regardless, the whore is to blame because of how she dressed and behaved. Had she covered her body from her neck to the bottom of her knees and worn clothing that muted or obliterated her physical form, the young man likely would have kept on walking, IFB preachers say. Sure, preacher, sure. You evidently never heard the lesson that teaches, “A stiff prick has no conscience.” I seriously doubt that this IFB teen has much of a conscience, as he went after the woman as “an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks.”
Nancy Campbell, a well-known Fundamentalist clothing monitor, recently published a post by a single 23-year-old woman named Hannah Hauenschild. Titled Modesty, Hauenschild wrote:
Do you want to dress attractively but struggle with immodesty? The honest answer (if you are a woman like I am) is yes. Meaning aesthetically pleasing, attractive is how we want to appear. Though this is not wrong, the reason for it often is a desire to be noticed. Dressing to attract attention is immodest. So how can you dress modestly and why is it important?
Modesty is viewing yourself properly and, as a result, behaving decorously. A virtue of the heart, modesty recognizes, “I am not the most important person in the world,” and determines “My attitude, actions, and appearance will befit who I truly am.”
Who are you? You are a woman fearfully and wonderfully made and loved by God, which gives you worth and purpose. You do not need the attention, acceptance, or approval of anyone but God. Yet you, like all humans, are sinful. Your natural tendencies lead you astray from God’s plan for your life, which includes being modest.
Akin to humility and purity, modesty is a character quality that can be demonstrated by how you dress. It means denying your sinful nature that pridefully declares, “I can wear whatever I want,” and embracing clothing appropriate for your God-given femininity.
Traditionally, dresses and skirts beautifully distinguish women. In this age when gender confusion is lauded, I believe ladies should wear clothing that leaves no doubts about their feminineness.
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1. Modest clothing does not reveal, emphasize, or draw attention to a woman’s private parts. Necklines then are neither deep nor wide, and they do not gap.
2. Modest clothing does not fit tightly, outlining a woman’s body.
3. Modest clothing completely covers the shoulders, knees, and everything in between – front, back, and sides.
If you are still unsure about an outfit being modest, ask yourself, “Does it draw attention away from my face?” A maxim of my mother’s is that nothing (clothing, make-up, etc.) should distract from the countenance.
Having learned what modesty and modest dressing is, we also need to know the reasons why dressing modestly is important.
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Modest clothing honors God:
When Adam and Eve sinned by disobeying God’s command not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they discovered they were naked and covered their most private parts (Genesis 3:7). They were not, however, clothed until God made them garments that hung from the shoulder (Genesis 3:21). Since the Fall God has communicated our nakedness should not be exposed (Exodus 20:26; Exodus 28; and Leviticus 18).
In Paul’s letter to Timothy, God specifically states: “I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly . . . as is proper for women making a claim to godliness” (I Timothy 2:9-10).
Modest clothing helps men to not sin:
Men are more sensitive to visual stimulation than women. When a man sees a woman dressed immodestly, his thoughts head in the wrong direction. Knowing this, we need to clothe ourselves carefully so that we are not stumbling blocks to men.
In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus describes the seriousness of provoking others to sin: “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believes in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes” (Matthew 18:6-7, NASB).
Modest clothing hallows women:
Though only God can make people holy from the inside out, modest clothing does have a consecrative effect. It commands respect because it does not invite inappropriate attention. It sets women apart as worthy of honor rather than dishonor.
“Like a ring of gold in a swine’s snout is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion” (Proverbs 11:22, NASB).
“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good, acceptable, and perfect” (Romans 12:1-2 NASB).
Outwardly expressed by dress and other behavior (like sitting with your knees together), modesty is a decision of the heart. Thus, it is possible to wear modest clothing, following all the principles listed above, and still be immodest. You must first clothe your heart with modesty as the Apostle Peter wrote in one of his letters:
“Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves . . .” (I Peter 3:3-5, NASB).
According to Hauenschild, girls, teens, and women should “completely cover their shoulders, knees, and everything in between – front, back, and sides.” Clothing should not be tight-fitting, nor should it emphasize their physical form. Why? So they don’t visually stimulate men and cause them to stumble. Toddlers first learning to walk stumble (and fall) quite a bit. Over time, they learn to walk without stumbling. Evidently, IFB teen boys and men are still toddlers, unable to keep from committing sexual sins once tempted by “inappropriately” dressed teen girls and women. Any exposed thighs or breasts (even cleavage) is sure to cause stirring in the loins of these “helpless boys and men. Why, if Sister Jan doesn’t cover herself up from head to toe, she will be leading boys and men to sin in thoughts and deeds.
While IFB preachers half-heartedly call on teen boys and men to be in control of their sexuality, the bulk of their preaching on modesty and premarital sex is addressed to the fairer sex. If teen girls and women keep their legs together and dress modestly, weak boys and men will be kept from masturbation, fornication, and adultery.
I am often asked if I have ever lusted after a woman, both as a single and married man. Of course I have. Lust (sexual desire) is a normal part of our existence — both men and women. We are sexual beings who desire not only to procreate but also to fulfill our desires. And as most of us know, sexual desire is a powerful force, one that can, and does, result in bad behavior if not checked and controlled. As a man, I am, without exception, responsible for my sexuality.
Have I ever felt desire for someone other than my partner? Yes, and so has Polly. You see, women are sexual beings too; beings tired of the lie that only men are visually driven. All of us are responsible for our sexuality. Polly and I have a “look but don’t touch” policy. We are deeply in love and committed to each other. That said, we know and understand each other’s nature. I recently told my sixteen-year-old grandson about why Muhammad Ali carried a matchstick with him. Ali’s wife told him it was okay to look as long as he didn’t touch. The matchstick was a reminder that he would burn in Hell if he touched another woman.
Sexual want, need, and desire are very much a part of the human experience. How we behave is on us, and not someone deemed dressed inappropriately by an IFB preacher. And that’s not to say that women (and men) don’t dress in ways that are sexually suggestive. They do, but it’s up to us to control how we respond in such circumstances. You can enjoy the view and move on, or, if tempted, avert your eyes and walk away. Or maybe you are looking for someone to date or marry. What first attracts you to someone? Their looks. I learned over time that Polly had a lot of traits that I found appealing, but it was her shapely, comely body, dark hair, and beauty that attracted me to her. While looks are never enough to build a lasting relationship, most relationships start with mutual physical (and sexual) attraction.
Did you grow up in an IFB church? Did your pastor preach on modesty? Did he single out teen girls and women? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.
Bruce Gerencser, 68, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 47 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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