Duck Dynasty Patriarch Phil Robertson, in His Own Words

phil robertson

I like Christian Fundamentalist Phil Robertson. Why? Because he is willing to say out loud what many Evangelical/Fundamentalist/Conservative Catholic Christians think or say in the safe confines of their churches.

Here’s Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson in all his glory:

“I’ll make a bet with you. Two guys break into an atheist’s home. He has a little atheist wife and two little atheist daughters. Two guys break into his home and tie him up in a chair and gag him. And then they take his two daughters in front of him and rape both of them and then shoot them and they take his wife and then decapitate her head off in front of him. And then they can look at him and say, ‘Isn’t it great that I don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn’t it great that there’s nothing wrong with this? There’s no right or wrong, now is it dude?’ Then you take a sharp knife and take his manhood and hold it in front of him and say, ‘Wouldn’t it be something if this [sic] was something wrong with this? But you’re the one who says there is no God, there’s no right, there’s no wrong, so we’re just having fun. We’re sick in the head, have a nice day.”

“Have you ever heard this many lies coming out of Washington D.C. since you’ve been on the earth? Have you ever heard more? You say where in the world is it coming from? They champion perversion, they champion murder, aborting their children and they are champions of lies. I mean I’m listening to them and thinking, ‘dude, what?’ ‘Yeah, this bunch here, they’re the kind that clings to their guns and their Bibles,’ I’m thinking, yeah, we may need them.”

“It seems like, to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

“Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong. Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.

“We murder each other and we steal from one another, sex and immorality goes ballistic. All the diseases that just so happen to follow sexual mischief… boy there are some microbes running around now.”

“Now to me either it’s the wildest coincidence ever that horrible diseases follow immoral conduct, or it’s God saying, ‘There’s a penalty for that kind of conduct.’ I’m leanin’ toward there’s a penalty toward it.”

” I am just reading what was written over 2000 years ago. Those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom. All I did was quote from the scriptures, but they just didn’t know it…

“Jesus will take sins away, if you’re a homosexual he’ll take it away, if you’re an adulterer, if you’re a liar, what’s the difference? If you break one sin you may as well break them all.”

“Women with women. Men with men. They committed indecent acts with one another. And they received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. They’re full of murder, envy, strife, hatred. They are insolent, arrogant God haters. They are heartless. They are faithless. They are senseless. They are ruthless. They invent ways of doing evil.”

“Why do they murder and why do they hate us? Because all of them … 80 years of history, they all want to conquer the world, they all rejected Jesus and they’re all famous for murder. Nazis, Shintoists, Communists and the Mohammedists. Every one of them the same way.”

“From one man God made all nations of men. We all came from the same dude, and I don’t know what color he was.”

A good woman is “hard to find. Mainly because these boys are waiting until they get to be about 20 years old before they marry ’em. Look, you wait till they get to be about 20 years old, they only picking that’s going to take place is your pocket. You gotta marry these girls when they’re 15 or 16, they’ll pick your ducks. You need to check with mom and dad about that, of course.”

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field. … They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’ — not a word!

“They’re (homosexuals) full of murder, envy, strife, hatred. They are insolent, arrogant, god haters, they are heartless, they are faithless, they are senseless, they are ruthless, they invent ways of doing evil.”

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ‘em, give ‘em the good news about Jesus — whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ‘em out later, you see what I’m saying?”

“All you have to do is look at any society where there is no Jesus. I’ll give you four: Nazis, no Jesus. Look at their record. Uh, Shintos? They started this thing in Pearl Harbor. Any Jesus among them? None. Communists? None. Islamists? Zero. That’s 80 years of ideologies that have popped up where no Jesus was allowed among those four groups. Just look at the records as far as murder goes among those four groups.”

“God says, ‘One woman, one man,’ and everybody says, ‘Oh, that’s old hat, that’s that old Bible stuff’ and I’m thinking well, let’s see now. A clean guy, a disease-free guy, and a disease-free woman, they marry and they keep their sex between the two of ‘em, uh, they’re not gonna get chlamydia and gonorrhea and syphilis and AIDS. It’s, it’s safe.”

“Our founding fathers started this country and built it on God and His Word, and this country sure would be a better place to live and raise our children if we still followed their ideals and beliefs.”

“I love all men and women. I am a lover of humanity, not a hater. … I have been immoral, drunk, high. I ran with the wicked people for 28 years and I have run with the Jesus people since and the contrast is astounding.”

“We’re Bible-thumpers who just happened to end up on television. You put in your article that the Robertson family really believes strongly that if the human race loved each other and they loved God, we would just be better off. We ought to just be repentant, turn to God, and let’s get on with it, and everything will turn around.”

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9 Comments

  1. Suzanne

    I think Robertson would be surprised to know that Hitler, Stalin and Lenin were raised Christians and neither Hitler or Stalin ever renounced their faith.

    Reply
    1. JR

      Stalin was very anti religion and actively sought to promote athiesm:

      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/USSR_anti-religious_campaign_(1928%E2%80%9341)

      He eased off promoting athiesm during ww2 probably realising that people need their ‘religious opium’.

      Reply
      1. Geoff

        The relationship between Stalin and religion is complex, and I don’t for one second argue with your article. I would disagree entirely, however, with the suggestion (not one you are making, I hasten to add) that this in any way promotes the benefits of religious belief.

        Both Stalin and Hitler were dictators who used the example of religious method to rule. Hitler was the great orator, with a credulous population, and a single target of hate in the Jews. Stalin had a different environment, one that he exploited horrifically, that effectively replaced the very fervent religion of the day, with the religion of the state, but using exactly the same methods of fear and credulity.

        Reply
  2. Geoff

    He trots out the usual suspects, including Hitler and communists (Stalin). Ignoring the fact that there are plenty of arguments why he’s wrong in his assertion, why is it that two of the notable European despots of recent times are ignored by fatheists, namely Franco and Mussolini (the guy seems so dense he probably hasn’t heard of them)? Admittedly they didn’t kill the millions that Hitler and Stalin did, but hundreds of thousands is still pretty bad!

    Could it be that Franco was an obsessive Catholic, changing the whole political landscape of Spain to fit his warped views of how a catholic country should behave? Or Mussolini, who started life as an atheist, before committing himself to the church?

    And he seems to have a real hang up about sex. He’s clearly someone who’s impressed by size if his beard is anything to go by.

    Reply
    1. Suzanne

      If I remember my North Louisiana redneck translations correctly the beard is the redneck penis mobile, so you just might be right!

      Reply
  3. Jerri

    Decapitated her head off? Whoa. That’s like killing her until she is dead. Ugh.

    Reply
  4. Steve

    What a monumental douche

    Reply
  5. Geoff

    That early paragraph about the two people breaking into the house and murdering the family show how low this guy’s view of humanity is. The scene he describes is obscene whether god is on the scene or not. Hence if I, as an atheist, am truly shocked and disgusted then there is no need for a god for assistance in the morality of these events. That Robertson feels there is such a need seems to me to reduce his personal moral integrity.

    Reply
  6. Cob

    Reading that first paragraph, you’d think he was talking about when god commanded the Israelites to commit genocide and rape the virgin daughters. Speaking of Nazi Germany the Christians were lined up around the block for Hitler, be pandered to them and they loved it. This dude is ignorant AF

    Reply

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