Several weeks ago, I responded to an email from a seventy-nine-year-old Christian man named Pat. Here’s what he said:
Wow!!! What writings. Never read anything like them. I am exhausted after going over your blogs. You have accomplished the task of making yourself the center of attention, that I conclude has always been important to you. You position your blogs that you always get the last word in, which gives you a feeling of control and power which also is important to you. You have probably spent a great part of your life manic/depressive, which would be a hard life to live. Probably fought the demons off of homosexuality, may have even given into the temptation. Doesn’t make you a bad person just makes you lost like most of the world, myself included. You would do almost anything to win, but this battle with God will be lost. He is not the god that you speak about in your writings and your experiences within the Church. He is a God of love and mercy. I wish you the best in the days ahead. I hope you find some relief in the health issues you are dealing with. You are still a young man. I will be 79 in a week. You write of your honesty; I am very truthful in my life also and in this note to you, found it to be less complicated that way…Pat
You can read my response to Pat’s email here.
As devout Christians are wont to do, Pat refused to let me have the last word, choosing, instead, to deny every criticism I levied against his email. Here’s what he said, with my pithy, snarky response:
Wow Bruce, yes once again I say wow!!!
Thank you! Usually only my partner says this to me after an invigorating roll in the hay.
Have you done this all your life?
No, I was a virgin when I got married, as was my partner, so our WOW! nights started on our wedding night.
To assume thoughts and intensions of someone from things spoken or written to you that does not fit your narrative. I saw it in almost all of your responses to those that didn’t agree with you. You assume things that certainly may not be true because you believe you see the clear message of what was written. Not always true.
Not always true? Sure, but in your case, my response was spot on. I have delightful conversations all the time with people who have disagreements with me — including Evangelical Christians and IFB preachers. I typically respond to people in kind. You are a “get off my lawn” old man, who thinks his age grants him the right to say whatever he wants. And when you do, you are “shocked” when someone offends your sensibilities by calling you an asshole or a sarcastic prick.
Pat, words have meanings. I took your words to mean exactly what you meant them to say. If you meant something different, you might want to change how you write and the words you use. Will that happen? You’re seventy-nine. What could a sixty-eight-year-old Evangelical-preacher-turned-atheist teach you about anything (except how to have WOW! sex, since you — being a good Christian — only use the missionary position and listen to hymns when fucking. Send me an email for real photos of how to have an old-fashioned Devil-loving time of passion).
When I wrote you, I truthfully gave you my literal feeling of what I was experiencing in those few minutes as I typed.
So what? Do you think you have a hall pass to say whatever you want to unknown people on the Internet, all because you think God/Jesus/Holy Spirit — the three Gods you worship — want you to do so. I am surprised, at seventy-nine-years old, that you haven’t learned to carefully choose your words when speaking to strangers. For example, I so wanted to give you the “Bruce Gerencser Treatment.” Ask around, you will find that this treatment has neutered and given a glossectomy to many a confident, arrogant, filled with the Holy Spook Christians. Few return to try me again, and those who do are summarily humiliated by me or some of my friendly attack kitties.
I refrained from giving you the “Bruce Gerencser Treatment” because I was too tired and worn to give a flying fuck. By the way, readers, what is a “flying fuck?”
When I said “Wow” I was NOT appreciating the profundity of your writing as you assumed.
That was sarcasm, dude. You must have missed that English lesson in fourth grade. Going forward, Pat, if you decide to contact me again or comment on this site, understand that I use humor — sometimes ribald — sarcasm, and snark in my writing. You may be one of those straight-laced Christians who doesn’t like cussing, but this is my house, so I will use colorful language when warranted. And if you don’t like it, you are free to exit stage right, never to be heard from again. And if you don’t, you shouldn’t be surprised if I tell you to go fornicate with yourself.
I was astounded and amazed that anyone atheist or not could write such things against God.
Why? The Christian God is a myth. I no more fear Jesus than I do Thor. And for the record, I don’t write anything against “God.” My focus is on Evangelical Christianity, a living, breathing religion that causes harm to countless people. God has never one time responded to one of my blog posts. He is allegedly all-knowing and all-powerful, but after pissing in God’s cornflakes for twenty years, I have concluded that he either doesn’t exist or approves of what I have to say. Think of that, Pat. Jesus giving me a thumbs up for putting sanctimonious Christians like you in their place.
When I said “I never read anything like them” I was Not recognizing the uniqueness of your prose as you assumed. I was literally saying the truth.
Again, I was being sarcastic.
Maybe I have lived a sheltered life, but I have never read or heard anyone contest against God in the way you have.
Well, you don’t know what sarcasm is, and you most certainly don’t know that many atheists think I am too kind to Christians, or that I am a secret Christian. You really do need to get out more. I have dinner with an Evangelical preacher every month or two. Feel free to ask him the measure of my character. Your strawman of me will quickly combust.
Again, when I said I was exhausted after going over your blogs, I was literally overwhelmed, awe struck and weak in my body.
Wow! I only feel that way after an exceptional night of rolling in the proverbial hay with the love of my life.
If my writing literally affects you this way, I implore you to immediately stop reading it. Don’t have a stroke or die over my words. I couldn’t live with that for five seconds. Jesus will not reward you, Pat, for being a “sarcastic prick.” I’m inclined to think the very dead son of God loves my writing. You might want to take that up with him if you disagree. Oh wait, you can’t. His bones lie somewhere in an unknown grave.
You assumed that I was being sarcastic, even called me a “sarcastic prick”. I can’t imagine even satan calling me that.
Really? That’s a bit of hyperbole, don’t you think. I am worse than Satan? I do work for him, but I am nothing like my boss. That said, I proudly wear his name. Read the Bible, Pat. It’s God, not Satan, who is the evil one. God killed far more people than Satan ever did. He’s an all-round decent bloke. A bit ornery at time, but nothing like a deity that rapes, assaults, and murders innocent people, including babies, fetuses, and zygotes.
Actually, I got a little smile on my face and laughed a little bit at myself. I say that so you don’t assume I am laughing at you. You are no one to be laughed at.
Well, Pat, I am laughing at you. Your emails to me deserve ridicule. I am sure readers will make that clear to you in the comment section. Unlike you, they know how to read and use a dictionary.
When it comes to the words that I spoke about you in my writing I did not speak them of myself. Let me try to explaine. I have loved God since I was little, yes, I believe His word is faithful and true. I believe that God has given gifts thru the Holy Spirit, one of those gifts is the gift of Knowledge. It is in that gift that I wrote about you.
Oh for fuck’s sake, Pat, is this really what you are going with; that your words are the Holy Ghost’s, and not yours; that you have a supernatural gift given to you by a supernatural God that allows you to see me as I am? God is dead, so he can’t “gift” you anything. All you are is an old man who thinks the Holy Spook lives inside of you, giving you the exact words to say to me. Surely, deep down, you know this is bullshit, right? Unfortunately, believing this gives you a license to judge and abuse people with your words. I just happen to be an atheist who won’t let you do so without pushing back.
What evidence do you have that God has given you the gift of knowledge? I assume you are a Charismatic or a Pentecostal. These groups are typically non-cessationist.
No, I don’t know you Bruce, but God does.
What evidence do you have for your claim that “God” knows me? That’s a rhetorical question. You have none. If you think you do, bring it on, big boy, and I will gladly, with a big smile, disabuse you of your ignorance.
The things that I wrote about you I wrote in just a few minutes, not really thought out, just typed them. Only you know if they are true in your life. They can be your secrets, or you can shout them from the house tops or cast them off.
No shit, Sherlock. It was evident that your comments lacked thought (and prayer). No, they are not true, especially your claim that I am or was a homosexual. No, Pat, No! I will not have a roll in the hay with you. I am a one-woman man. I have lots of LGBTQ friends, but unlike you, they know I like to pitch instead of catch.
I have few secrets, Pat. What is it you think I am hiding from my family, friends, or readers of this blog? Use that “gift” of yours to discern what secrets I have. I have one in particular, Pat. If you can sense what that secret is, tell me, and I will admit “you are da man!” I will even send you a $50 gift card to a strip club, celebrating your “gift” from God.
Lots of assumptions on your part of your rebuff of my email, to many to cover in this already too long of a reply.
People only say this when they can’t intellectually respond to me. What assumptions did I make that weren’t justified by your two unsolicited emails to me?
You again might assume that I am writing a false compassion when I say “I wish you the best in the days ahead and that you might find some relief in the health issues you are dealing with.”
Yes, and I have seen nothing in your words that suggests otherwise. Your “I wish you the best . . .” might have been better received had you not spent the bulk of your emails lying about me or making false assumptions about my sexuality.
I disagree with you on all parts of your writings, but I wish you no harm or suffering in the days you have left in this world…Pat
Sure you do. I assume you believe that God will torture me for eternity in Hell after I die, and I suspect, though you may never say it, that you think my chronic health problems and pain are God trying to get my attention before it’s too late. Damn, Skippy, I have the gift of knowledge too. Either that, or I have interacted with scores of Pats over the years. I will let astute readers determine which.
Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 69, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 48 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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