Earlier today, I received the following email from an Evangelical woman named Ronda Cray. My response is indented and italicized. All spelling and grammar in the original.
Hi Mr. Bruce,
I read some of your writings today. I also read your warning about not writing you but you also said that you knew I would, Probably because you were a pastor for many years, which by the way, I still hear in your writings today.
On the Contact page, I say to Evangelicals (and Muslims, Mormons):
“If you have a pathological need to evangelize, spread the love of Jesus, or put a good word in for the man, the myth, the legend named Jesus, please don’t. The same goes for telling me your church/pastor/Jesus is awesome. I am also not interested in reading sermonettes, testimonials, Bible verses, or your deconstruction/psychological evaluation of my life. By all means, if you feel the need to set me straight, start your own blog.
If you email me anyway — and I know you will, since scores of Evangelicals have done just that, showing me no regard or respect — I reserve the right to make your message and name public. This blog is read by thousands of people every day, so keep that in mind when you email me whatever it is you think “God/Jesus/Holy Spirit” has laid upon your heart. Do you really want your ignorance put on display for thousands of people to see? Pause before hitting send. Ask yourself, “how will my email reflect on Jesus, Christianity, and my church?”
I even made a humorous form Evangelicals can use to contact me; one that gives them a checklist to use to show their reason (s) for contacting me:
Reason for Contacting Bruce Gerencser (Check all that apply)
_____To tell him he is wrong
_____To tell him I feel sorry for him
_____To preach at him
_____To quote Bible verses to him
_____To evangelize him
_____To tell him he doesn’t know anything about the Bible
_____To let him know God still loves him
_____To let him know I am praying for him
_____To tell him he never was a Christian
_____To tell him he is going to Hell
_____To tell him he is still saved and can never be un-saved
_____To tell him he was/is a false prophet
_____To tell him he was/is a wolf in sheep’s clothing
_____To tell him he is angry
_____To tell him he is bitter
_____To tell him his writing shows he has been hurt
_____To tell him he is fat
_____To tell him I hope he burns in Hell
_____To tell him that I am praying God will kill him
_____To tell him that he has a meaningless, empty life
_____To tell him he is going to die soon and then he will find out THE TRUTH!
_____To tell him that I know THE TRUTH about him!
Once you have completed the form, cut and paste it into your email or comment.
You can view the entire form here.
Despite these things, Cray decided to email me anyway. While I can’t know why she disrespected my wishes, I suspect she thinks “God” led her to contact me or that the Holy Spirit was guiding and directing her fingers as she typed her email to the Evangelical-turned-atheist Bruce Gerencser. When you have “god” whispering stuff to you in your head . . . well, anything is possible.
I understand some of why you chose to leave Christianity, I almost did that myself.
Does Cray really understand why I left the ministry in 2005 and deconverted in 2008? I doubt it. That she too almost left Christianity has no connection to my story. She would have to give a fuller accounting of her so-called “almost deconversion” before any of us can see if there are similarities between my story and hers.
I remember putting my Bible in my closet and telling God that He was too hard of a Master.
I have never thought God was “too hard of a Master.” My reasons for deconverting were primarily intellectual. I concluded that the central claims of Christianity are not true. Whatever emotional context there might have been, the bottom line is this: Jesus was not divine; he was not born of a virgin; he was not a miracle worker; he did not resurrect from the dead. Jesus was a man who left a profound mark — good and bad — on the human race, but as all humans eventually do, he died — end of discussion.
But in time, I realized what Matthew 11:28-29 meant and I have never been the same since.
Matthew 11:28,29 says: Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
I believed these words to be true too, until I didn’t. I came to the conclusion that there was no “rest” to be had from Jesus because he is dead. My mom died thirty-three years ago. I miss her, but I have no expectation that Mom is going to comfort me or give me rest. How could she . . . she’s dead.
Why Cray’s life has “never been the same since” is unknown. She doesn’t provide sufficient information for anyone to make a judgment about her Christianity. All we have from her is personal testimony. Evangelicals are fond of using testimony to prove and justify supernatural claims, but I find little value in their testimonials, other than as a tool by which to understand their past and present lives. Just because an Evangelical says something supernatural happened to them doesn’t mean it actually did. If Cray wants me to buy what she is selling, she must provide actual evidence; not anecdotes, testimonies, and Bible verses.
It was the goodness of God that led me back to Him and nothing else.
I see no evidence for the claim that the Christian deity is “good.” Again, just because Cray claims God is good doesn’t mean her claim is true. All sorts of religions believe their deity is good. How could we possibly know these claims are true? We can’t. Either you believe God is good or you don’t. I don’t. If one believes the Bible is inspired/inerrant/infallible, I can point to numerous verses and stories that suggest that God is most certainly not good. Of course, for an atheist such as myself, arguments about the goodness of God are a waste of time. The only goodness I see in the world comes from human beings, not fictitious deities.
I know God is real and I hope you haven’t made your final decision in throwing the Baby out with the bathwater.
Cray cannot possibly “know” God is real. Knowing requires evidence and Cray has not provided any evidence for her claim that her peculiar deity is real. She believes the Christian God is real, but there’s a big difference between “knowing” and “believing.” Believing in this context requires to some degree faith. Knowing does not require faith. Either something is true or it is not.
I made my final decision sixteen years ago. While I am an agnostic atheist, open to the possibility (not probability) that a deity of some sort may yet reveal itself to us someday, I am convinced that the extant gods created by humans are no deities at all. I am confident that Christianity is built upon a plethora of untruths, and as such, I have no interest in following or worshipping Christianity’s God (or Gods, depending on how you interpret the Bible).
The baby and the bathwater? Cray assumes that there was a baby in the bathwater. What I found in the wash tub was cold, dirty water — no baby to be found.
You mentioned that you had some health issues and I prayed that you would feel better soon and have a long life. Psalm 139.
Had you comprehended what I wrote about my health problems, you would have learned that gastroparesis and exocrine pancreatic insufficiency are incurable diseases; that the pain in my spine, neck, shoulders, legs, hands, and feet is incurable; that none of these things is going away or getting better. I am slowly dying. No amount of prayer will change these physical facts. Now, if Cray’s God miraculously healed me — well, that would get my attention. 🙂
I will be sixty-seven on my birthday in June. I am a high-mile car that has been used, misused, and abused; missing hub caps, with dented fenders, rusty floorboards, and bald tires. I do not doubt that I am going to die sooner, and not later. Hopefully not today, tomorrow, or even a year or three from now, but I know my body, and it is telling me to “prepare to meet Loki.” 🙂
Psalm 139 talks about our inability to escape the presence of God. Shit, I would just be happy if I could escape the presence of the Crays of the world. Unfortunately, much like mosquitos on a wet summer day, there’s no escaping people who delusionally hear supernatural voices in their heads and feel led by “God” to share what those voices are saying.
I wonder if Cray read my About page? Had she done so, she would have found the following advice:
“You have one life. There is no heaven or hell. There is no afterlife. You have one life, it’s yours, and what you do with it is what matters most. Love and forgive those who matter to you and ignore those who add nothing to your life. Life is too short to spend time trying to make nice with those who will never make nice with you. Determine who are the people in your life that matter and give your time and devotion to them. Live each and every day to its fullest. You never know when death might come calling. Don’t waste time trying to be a jack of all trades, master of none. Find one or two things you like to do and do them well. Too many people spend way too much time doing things they will never be good at.
Here’s the conclusion of the matter. It’s your life and you best get to living it. Someday, sooner than you think, it will be over. Don’t let your dying days be ones of regret over what might have been.”
I continue to live by this advice to this day.
Saved by Reason,
Bruce Gerencser, 67, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 46 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
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