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Songs of Sacrilege: Baptize Me from The Book of Mormon

book of mormon

This is the one hundred and forty-sixth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Baptize Me from The Book of Mormon.

Video Link

Lyrics

ELDER MCKINLEY:

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Well, then, would you like to baptize me?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Pbbbt, sure, yea, that’d be great

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Okay, let’s do it

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
What you mean…now?

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Why not?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Well, to be honest, I’ve never done it before

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
That’s okay, neither have I

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Yes, that’s true

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Do you know…how to baptize someone into the church?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Sure, that’s something that we study over and over again at Mission Control Center

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Then please, Elder Cunningham, I want to be baptized. I swear to dedicate my life to the church

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Huh, okay, I just need a second to get ready

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Okay, I will get ready, too

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I’m about to do it for the first time
And I’m gonna do it with a girl!
A special girl
Who makes my heart kind of flutter
Makes my eyes kind of blur
I can’t believe I’m about
To baptize her

[NABULUNGI]
He will baptize me
He will hold me in his arms
And he will baptize me
Right in front of everyone
And it will set me free
When he looks into my eyes
And he sees just how much
I love being baptized

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I’m gonna baptize her

[NABULUNGI]
Baptize me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
Bathe her in God’s glory!
And I will baptize her

[NABULUNGI]
I’m ready

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
With everything I got
And I’ll make her beg for more

[NABULUNGI]
Oooh

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
As I wash her free of sin
And it’ll be so good
She’ll want me to

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM and NABULUNGI]
Baptize her/me again

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Excuse me, I’m gonna need another minute!

[NABULUNGI]
Never known a boy so gentle
One like him is hard to find
A special kind
Who makes my heart kind of flutter
Like a moth in a cocoon
I hope he gets to baptizing me soon!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I’m gonna baptize you
I’m through with all my stalling

[NABULUNGI]
You’re gonna baptize me
I’m ready to let you do it

[BOTH]
And it will set us free
It’s time to be immersed
And I’m so happy you’re
About to be my first

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Okay, you ready?

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
I am ready. So… how do we do it?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Well, I hold you like this –

[NABULUNGI]
– Yeah?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
And I lower you down –

[NABULUNGI]
– Yeah?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM:]
And then I –

(Splash)

I just baptized her!
She got doused by Heavenly Father!
I just baptized her good!

[NABULUNGI]
You baptized me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I performed like a champ!

[NABULUNGI]
I’m wet with salvation!

[BOTH]
We just went all the way!
Praise be to God
I’ll never forget this day

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I baptized you!

[NABULUNGI]
You baptized me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I gotcha good!

[NABULUNGI]
Baptize me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
You want it more, baby?

[NABULUNGI]
Baptize me!

(spoken)
I’ll text you later

Black Collar Crime: Baptist Pastor Roscoe Cooper, III Charged with DUI

roscoe cooper iii

Roscoe Cooper, III, pastor of Rising Mount Zion Baptist Church in Richmond, Virginia, was charged yesterday with DUI.

CBS-6 reports:

A prominent pastor and vice chair of the Henrico County School Board was arrested for driving under the influence early Saturday morning.

Virginia State Police arrested 43-year-old Roscoe Cooper III around 1 a.m. on I-64 west of the Gaskins Road exit in the West End.

Cooper was charged with driving under the influence.

However, state police have not yet released the details surrounding Cooper’s arrest.

Cooper, who is the school board’s vice chair and represents the Fairfield District, is well known in the Richmond metro area.

He comes from a line of family clergy members and is the pastor of Rising Mt. Zion Baptist Church in eastern Henrico County.

Close friends and clergy members are asking the public not to rush to judgment.

“We are put on a high pedestal and sometimes people cannot accept that we all have issues,” Sharon Broaddus, a family friend, said. “They expect the pastor to be perfect with no problems. What the church and the Christians should do now is rally around Pastor Cooper.”

….

Here’s Cooper’s Jesus-worthy bio from the Rising Mount Zion’s website:

Dr. Roscoe D. Cooper, III, a third-generation of spiritually powerful preachers, is a twice scholar graduate of Virginia Union University in Richmond, Virginia from which he earned a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Religion and Philosophy and a Master of Divinity Degree from the esteem Samuel Dewitt Proctor School of Theology, graduating Cum Laude. Additionally, he sought to show himself approved, completing post-graduate study at the Chicago Theological Seminary, and in 2013, received a Doctor of Divinity Degree from Richmond Theological Seminary.

​​Richmond born, reared and educated, his achievements and recognitions are noteworthy throughout the state, country and world in which he has readily and successfully combined his evangelistic duties with the concerns and needs of the community.  He is the recipient of numerous honors and rewards as an Outstanding Education Orator, a Prolific Communicator and Leader, Minister of the Year for four consecutive years, and a keynote speaker at the National Baptist Congress of Christian Education of the National Baptist Convention USA.  Additionally, he has been honored and recognized by the Richmond NAACP, served as a community representative to the Congressional Black Caucus Discussions in Washington, D. C., a productive President of the Baptist Ministers Conference of Richmond and Vicinity, the Chairman of the Board of Directors of the Capital Area Health Network, is a member of the Religious Advisory Committee of Virginia Senator Mark Warner, an invited participant in the Educational Seminar in Israel, and the elected Henrico County School Board Representative for the Fairfield District.

His first pastorate was at the Long Branch Baptist Church in Woodford, Virginia where he honorably and diligently served for three years.  In 2003, he was called to the historical Rising Mount Zion Baptist Church – Hartman Street, Henrico County as Pastor.  Since his arrival at Rising Mount Zion Baptist Church, the church has continuously embraced a direction of spiritual growth, and has revolutionized, strengthened, and excelled in every aspect of its existence under his leadership.  Pastor Cooper has more than quadrupled the membership, birthed several new ministries, and executed a comprehensive short and long term building and renovation plan, resulting in the funding and construction of phase 1 of a multi-million dollar sanctuary and administrative wing within his first ten years, refurbished the interior and exterior of the old buildings and the surrounding grounds to absolute condition and beauty.

He is a devoted family man who is a called  servant of God who is focused and inspired by the promises of God, unchained by the cross, intentionally lives his creeds, treads the path of excellence, credibly inhabits his sermons, and unashamedly proclaims the Word of God each time he stands.  Consistently, he nurtures the spirits, minds and hearts of his congregants with the powerful and unadulterated Word of God that encourages everyone to seek first the Kingdom of God, walk in His Way, take up the cup of salvation, and thank and glorify God for all things.

In spite of the indelible manifestation of God’s favor on this branch of Zion and its people, and the teaching and preaching of the Good News Gospel, he remains and encourages others to remain humble,   study and witness the Word of God, and purposely relish the challenge to dare to make a difference!   It is evident that he is spiritually anointed, socially engaged, and academically prepared for the task at hand—to teach and preach the Good News Gospel, bring souls to Christ and soundly lead the flock that God has given him.

The Richmond Times-Dispatch reports:

A Henrico County School Board member accused of driving under the influence early Saturday is also facing a charge of refusing to take a breath test to determine the alcohol content in his blood, according to court documents.

….

The DUI is a misdemeanor. The breath-test charge is a civil violation that accuses Cooper, 43, of “unreasonably” refusing to provide a breath sample, according to court records.

According to Sgt. Steve Vick with Virginia State Police, Cooper was stopped just before 1 a.m. on Saturday on westbound Interstate 64 just west of the Gaskins Road exit.

….

Cooper, who is the pastor at Rising Mount Zion Baptist Church in Henrico, has other driving-related charges pending in Henrico General District Court. There’s a pair of charges from June 30 that accuse him of driving 43 mph in a 25 mph zone and of driving without a license, according to court records. Cooper also faces a charge of driving 38 mph in a 25 mph zone on July 19.

Update

Channel 6 reports:

Cooper was arrested after a state trooper reported seeing a car on I-64 west driving in two lanes.

The trooper stopped the suspect, Cooper, and said he smelled like alcohol.

According to the arrest documents, Cooper admitted to having two drinks.

The arresting trooper said Cooper seemed nervous, was fumbling around and could not find his wallet or license.

Records show Cooper blew a point 0.10 on the breathalyzer test at the scene, so he was charged with drinking and driving, handcuffed and taken to jail. The legal limit in Virginia is 0.08.

According to the arresting docs, he was given another breathalyzer test, but barely blew on the tube three times, ending with a deficient sample. As a result, he was charged with refusing to take a test.

When asked if he had considered resigning from the school board, Cooper was defiant Thursday evening.

“I’m not convicted of anything. What am I resigning for?” Cooper asked. “I’ve still got a job to do and I’m excited about this year. There are great possibilities and potentials.”

….

A November 15, 2017 Channel Six story reports:

Pastor and Henrico School Board member Roscoe Cooper III received a six-month suspended jail sentence after he was found guilty of driving while intoxicated. Cooper’s driver’s license has been suspended for a year.

Cooper was arrested in August after a Virginia State Trooper reported seeing Cooper’s car driving in two lanes along Interstate 64 west in Henrico’s West End. The trooper stopped Cooper and reported the Rising Mt. Zion Baptist Church pastor smelled of alcohol.

….

Black Collar Crime: Evangelical Pastor Gilbert Deya Deported to Face Child-Trafficking Charges

gilbert deya

Gilbert Deya, a British/Kenyan Evangelical pastor, was deported to Kenya to face child-trafficking charges.

The BBC reports:

The UK has extradited a self-styled Kenyan pastor, who claimed he created miraculous pregnancies, to Kenya to face child-trafficking charges.

Gilbert Deya’s extradition came after he failed in his decade-long legal battle to remain in the UK.

He denied charges of stealing five children between 1999 and 2004 when he appeared in court in Nairobi.

Concerns were first raised about the conduct of Mr Deya, who ran a church in London, in a BBC investigation in 2004.

Infertile or post-menopausal women who attended the Gilbert Deya Ministries church in Peckham, south-east London, were told they could have “miracle” babies.

But the babies were always “delivered” in backstreet clinics in Nairobi, Kenya’s capital.

Mr Deya later moved to Scotland, and was arrested in Edinburgh in 2006 under an international arrest warrant issued by Kenya.

His Gilbert Deya Ministries is being investigated by the UK Charity Commission for alleged mismanagement.

“Our statutory inquiry into Gilbert Deya Ministries is ongoing. We are currently considering the implication of Gilbert Deya’s extradition on our investigation,” the commission said in a statement.

  • A former stonemason who moved to London from Kenya in the mid-90s
  • Set up the Gilbert Deya Ministries as a registered charity, with African and Asian branches
  • Known for his blend of charismatic, performance-style preaching
  • Had income of £652,800 ($858,000) for the financial year ending December 2015
  • Spent £609,300
  • Described by UK Labour MP David Lammy as a “modern-day snake-oil salesman”
  • Says he was consecrated as an Archbishop by a US evangelist in 1992

When the BBC asked Mr Deya during its 2014 investigation how he explained the births of children with DNA different to that of their alleged parents, the 65-year-old Mr Deya said: “The miracle babies which are happening in our ministry are beyond human imagination.

“It is not something I can say I can explain because they are of God and things of God cannot be explained by a human being.”

Kenya’s police spokesman Charles Owino told the BBC that Mr Deya had arrived in Nairobi aboard a Kenya Airways flight following his extradition.

Mr Deya had opposed his extradition, saying he feared being tortured and sentenced to death.

In 2007, his wife, Mary, was sentenced to two years in prison in Kenya after being convicted of stealing a baby.

In 2011, she was sentenced to three years in jail after being convicted of stealing another child.

Desperate women, some past the menopause and others who were infertile, were convinced that being prayed for by Mr Deya and travelling to Kenya would result in a child.

….

According to Wikipedia:

Deya was born in the morning of 2 February 1952 in Juja, Kiambu County, outside of Nairobi and was the eleventh child in a family of fifteen children. He belongs to Luo tribe ans his name “Juma” means Sunday, which is the day he was born. His father, Samuel Oyanda Deya was a sisal plantations worker from Bondo working in Juja. His parents were never meant to be a couple because his mother, Monica Nono Deya, declined the arranged marriage with his father.

He attended primary school but the school preacher dropped out because of bullying and poverty. He started preaching Jinja, Kampala, in Uganda, where he beat up a woman for hitting the children of his sister and worked there as a porter.

He married his 14 year-old wife, Mary Anyango, when he was at 21 on 27 December 1958. They gave birth to fifteen children in total. He started the “Salvation of Jesus Christ Church” in 1976.

He was ordained by the United Evangelical Church of Kenya and styles himself “Archbishop”. He was an evangelist in Kenya in the late 1980s to early 1990s, but moved to the UK, establishing Gilbert Deya Ministries in 1997. The ministry now has churches in Liverpool, London, Birmingham, Nottingham, Luton, Reading, and Manchester, Sheffield and in 2006 acquired a building and planning permission in Leeds. The church claims to be “the fastest growing Ministry in the UK and worldwide”

The Gilbert Deya Ministries claim that Deya’s powers allow him to be able to cause infertile women to become pregnant. Mr Deya claims that “through the power of prayer and the Lord Jesus” he has helped sterile women give birth. In the UK, one woman is claimed to have had three children in less than a year. The women travelled to Kenya in order to “give birth”.

Deya’s wife, Eddah (also known as Mary Deya), was arrested during November 2004 in Nairobi and charged with stealing children. Ten children, none of whom had any genetic connection to the Deya family, were found at Mr Deya’s House. Twenty babies have been placed in foster care in Kenya after DNA tests showed they had no connection to their alleged mothers. Rose Atieno Kiserem, a former pastor with Deya’s ministry was jailed along with Mrs Deya. Upon her release from jail, Kiserem confessed that the ‘miracle babies’ were “a hoax created by the Deyas and their accomplices to deceive me and other God-fearing people.”

Deya has a warrant out for his arrest in Kenya for the trafficking of babies out of the country. The Kenyan police have alleged that the ministry is a baby-snatching ring, and they have petitioned for his extradition from the UK. Mr Deya is seeking political asylum from his base in Glasgow. He was arrested by police at Edinburgh Sheriff Court in 2006.

In November 2004 the High Court in the UK ruled that a ‘miracle baby’ in London was the victim of child trafficking, and that the supposed miracle displayed was a ruse in order to generate funds from a “deceived congregation”. Mr Justice Ryder ruled that in order to maintain the illusion of a genuine birth, the child’s ‘mother’ was seriously assaulted “and a live child who had been born to another family was presented to her as her child.” He also ruled that “[the baby’s] birth as described was a falsehood not a miracle.”

On 13 December 2006, Mr Deya was arrested in London by the Metropolitan Police. A police spokesman said Gilbert Deya was detained under an arrest warrant issued by Kenyan authorities, who had charged him with child abduction and trafficking. He was ordered by a court on 8 November 2007, to be extradited from the UK to Kenya to face five counts of child stealing.

Deya appealed against extradition on the grounds that he might face torture in Kenya, but in late 2008 his case was rejected by the High Court and leave to appeal to the House of Lords was refused. It was reported in April 2010 that Deya was still in England and that David Lammy, Deya’s MP, had enquired of the government why he had not yet been extradited. Lammy was concerned that justice was being denied to several of his constituents who were victims of the trafficked babies fraud. The Home Office responded that it was still considering representations from Deya’s solicitors that sending him to Kenya would breach his human rights.

In September 2011, news reports indicated that all avenues of appeal had been exhausted and Deya would now be extradited to Kenya.

In December 2011, a court in Kenya cleared Mary Deya of obtaining registration for five children irregularly.

The London Evening Standard reported on 21 October 2016 that Deya had applied for a judicial review of the decision to extradite him.

On 12 July 2017, Premier Christian Media reported that the High Court had refused Deya’s application for a judicial review and that he would be extradited.

On 3rd August, 2017, Deya was extradited from the UK to Kenya to face child trafficking charges. He was immediately arraigned in court force child trafficking offences.

 

Songs of Sacrilege: Turn it Off from The Book of Mormon

book of mormon

This is the one hundred and forty-fifth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Turn it Off from The Book of Mormon.

Video Link

Lyrics

ELDER MCKINLEY:
I got a feeling,
That you could be feeling,
A whole lot better then you feel today
You say you got a problem,
well thats no problem,
It’s super easy not to feel that way!

When you start to get confused because of thoughts in your head,
Don’t feel those feelings!
Hold them in instead

Turn it off, like a light switch
just go click!
It’s a cool little Mormon trick!
We do it all the time
When your feeling certain feels that just don’t feel right
Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light
and turn em off,
Like a light switch just go bap!
Really whats so hard about that?
Turn it off! (Turn it off!)

When I was young my dad,
Would treat my mom real bad,
every time the Utah Jazz would loose.
He’d start a’ drinking,
and I’d start a thinking,
How am I gonna keep my mom from getting abused?

I’d see her all scared and my soul was dying,
My dad would say to me, Now don’t you dare start crying.

Turn it off, (Like a light switch just go click!)
(It\’s our nifty little Mormon trick!)
Turn it off! (Turn. It. Off!)

My Sister was a dancer, but she got cancer,
My doctor said she still had two months more
I thought she had time, so I got in line
for the new I-phone at the apple store.

She lay there dying with my father and mother
Her very last words were “where is my brother?”

(Turn it off!) Yeah! (Bid those sad feelings a adieu!)
The fear I might get cancer too,

When I was in fifth grade, I had a friend Steve Blade,
He and I were close as two friend could be
One thing led to another, and soon I would discover,
I was having really strange feelings for Steve

I thought about us, on a deserted Island
We’d swim naked in the sea, and then he’d try and…

WOAH! Turn if off, like a light switch,
there its gone! (Good for you!)
My hetero side just won!
I’m all better now,
Boys should be with girls thats heavenly fathers plan
So if you ever feel you rather be with a man,
Turn it off.

ELDER PRICE:
Well Elder McKinley, I think its ok that your having gay thoughts,
just so long as you never act on them.

ELDER MCKINLEY:
No, because then your just keeping it down,
Like a dimmer switch on low, (On low!)
Thinking nobody needs to know! (Uh oh!)

ELDER PRICE:
But that’s not true!

ELDER MCKINLEY:
Being gay is bad, but lying is worse,
So just realize you have a curable curse,
And turn it off! (Turn it off, turn it off!)

(Dance)

Turn it off!

Now how do you feel!

ELDER PRICE:
The same

ELDER MCKINLEY:
Then you only got yourself to blame,
You didn’t pretend hard enough,
Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes,
and find the box thats gay and CRUSH IT!
Ok?

ELDER PRICE:
No, no, -I’m- not having gay thoughts

ELDER CUNNINGHAM:
Alright! It worked!

(Yay!)

(Turn it off!)

(Turn it off, Turn it off!)

(Turn it off, turn it off like a light switch just go click click!
What a cool little Mormon Trick! Trick trick!
We do it all the time!)

ELDER MCKINLEY:
When your feeling certain feelings that just dont seem right!
Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light!
Turn it off! (Like a light switch, shut it off!)
(Now he isn’t gay anymore!)

(Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it…!)
(Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it…!)
(Turn it…)

ELDER MCKINLEY: Turn it off!

Is All Forgiven for David Hyles?

David hyles facebook
David Hyles, Facebook Profile Picture

David Hyles is the son of the late Jack Hyles, pastor of First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana for many years. During his younger years, David Hyles was the youth pastor at First Baptist. While there, he sexually preyed on women, resulting in his father quietly, in the dead of night, shipping him off to pastor an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) Church that knew nothing of David’s philandering. As sexual predators are wont to do, David Hyles continued his whoring ways, leading to his expulsion from the church. If you are not familiar with the David and Jack Hyles story, please read:

The Legacy of Jack Hyles

The Mesmerizing Appeal of Jack Hyles

The Scandalous Life of Jack Hyles and Why it Still Matters

UPDATED: Serial Adulterer David Hyles Has Been Restored

Serial Adulterer David Hyles Receives a Warm Longview Baptist Temple Welcome

David Hyles Says ‘My Bad, Jesus’

blood of jesus

In recent years, David Hyles has been showing up at IFB churches and events, acting as if what happened in the past is ancient history and no longer relevant. Praise Jesus! He has been forgiven! It’s time for people such as myself to move on and give the guy a break. Yes, he was a serial adulterer. Yes, he preyed on women. Yes, he was a despicable human being. But, “Brother Dave’ has played his “washed-by-the-blood, get-out-of-jail-free card. As far as he is concerned, his sin account has been settled and he is free to move forward in the fullness and wonder of God’s mercy and grace. Never mind the fact that Hyles has NEVER given a public accounting of his very public misconduct, and as far as I know he has not contacted nor made restitution to the countless people he has harmed. Doing so, of course, would require him to admit actions that still could be criminally prosecuted.

According to a comment of the Fighting Fundamental Forums — Hyles-Anderson College forum, David Hyles and his family were in attendance at the July 24-27, 2017 National Sword of the Lord Conference. This annual gathering of IFB preachers and congregants is held at Gospel Light Baptist Church in Walkertown, North Carolina. Bobby Roberson is the pastor of Gospel Light — one of the larger IFB churches in the country. The Sword of the Lord Conference is put on by Shelton Smith, the editor of the Sword of the Lord. This year’s conference speakers included: Mike Allison, Joe Arthur, Max Barton, Norris Belcher, Justin Cooper, Jeff Fugate, John Hamblin, Richard Harper, Jon Jenkins, Lou Rossi, Jim Townsley, and Mike Wells. (Most of the speakers use the Dr. before their names. Please read IFB Doctorates: Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Everyone’s a Doctor)

David Hyles was, as the following comment shows, in attendance at least one of the conference days. A Fighting Fundamental Forums commenter using the moniker Twisted posted a comment a friend of his made on Facebook:

While on a trip in North Carolina with one of our church men, we attended three evening services of the annual National Sword of the Lord Conference on Revival and Soul-Winning. One of the pleasures for me at the conference was to get to see Brother David Hyles, who has been a good friend and encouragement on Facebook. His dad, Jack Hyles, was my favorite preacher. Brother David’s wife, Brenda, took this photo. I thought she did a great job considering the subject matter.

After a period of waywardness, Brother Hyles (David) appears to have been on the right track again for some years now, and he has been trying to use his own restoration to encourage others who need the same. I count him as a friend! For any of you who might have a problem with that, I want to remind you that he is no longer out in a far country nor in the field feeding swine, but he is back at the Father’s house. Stay outside and pout if you want to, or you can come in and enjoy the Father’s celebration of restored fellowship!

david hyles greatest men
Jack Hyles, David Hyles, Jim Krall, World’s Greatest Men

Sorry, but I want to puke. According to the aforementioned Facebook friend, it’s time for people to forgive Hyles and move one. First, I have no need to forgive David Hyles. He never did anything to me, so there is nothing for him to apologize for — not that there is any evidence that Hyles (like his father) has apologized to anyone. My goal is to hold a man who was considered one of the “greatest men on earth” accountable for his abuse of countless trusting Christian women. Until Hyles gives a public accounting of his past actions and makes appropriate restitution, I intend to continue to smack him over the head every time I hear of him sticking his bald pate out of the hole he crawled into.

Songs of Sacrilege: I Believe from The Book of Mormon

book of mormon

This is the one hundred and forty-fourth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is I Believe from The Book of Mormon.

Video Link

Lyrics

Ever since I was a child, I tried to be the best
So what happened?
My family and friends all said I was blessed
So what happened?

It was supposed to be all so exciting
To be teaching of Christ ‘cross the sea
But I allowed my faith to be shaken
Oh, what’s the matter with me?

I’ve always longed to help the needy
To do the things I never dared
This was the time for me to step up
So then why was I so scared?

A warlord who shoots people in the face
What’s so scary about that?
I must trust that my Lord is mightier
And always has my back
Now I must be completely devout
I can’t have even one shred of doubt

I believe that the Lord God created the universe
I believe that he sent his only son to die for my sins
And I believe that ancient Jews built boats
And sailed to America
I am a Mormon and a Mormon just believes

You cannot just believe part-way
You have to believe in it all
My problem was doubting the Lord’s will
Instead of standing tall

I can’t allow myself to have any doubt
It’s time to set my worries free
Time to show the world what Elder Price is about
And share the power inside of me

I believe that God has a plan for all of us
I believe that plan involves me getting my own planet
And I believe that the current President of the Church
Thomas Monson, speaks directly to God
I am a Mormon
And, dang it, a Mormon just believes
(A Mormon just believes)

I know that I must go and do the things my God commands
(Things my God commands)
I realize now why he sent me here
If you ask the Lord in faith, he will always answer you
Just believe in him and have no fear
(General, we have an intruder, He just walked right into camp)

I believe that Satan has a hold of you
I believe that the Lord God has sent me here
And I believe that in 1978
God changed his mind about black people

(Black people)
You can be a Mormon
A Mormon who just believes
(The fuck is this?)

And now I can feel the excitement
This is the moment I was born to do
And I feel so incredible to be sharing my faith with you
The scriptures say that if you ask in faith

If you ask God himself, you’ll know
But you must ask him without any doubt
And let your spirit grow
(Let your spirit grow)

I believe that God lives on a planet called Kolob
I believe that Jesus has his own planet as well
And I believe that the Garden of Eden
Was in Jackson County, Missouri

If you believe, the Lord will reveal it
And you’ll know it’s all true, you’ll just feel it
You’ll be a Mormon
And, by gosh, a Mormon just believes
(A Mormon just believes)

(Just believe, a Mormon just believes)
Oh, I believe
(Just believe, a Mormon just)
I believe
(Believes)

Songs of Sacrilege: Where to Now St. Peter? by Elton John

elton john

This is the one hundred and forty-third installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Where to Now St. Peter? by Elton John.

Video Link

Lyrics

I took myself a blue canoe
And I floated like a leaf
Dazzling, dancing
Half enchanted
In my Merlin sleep

Crazy was the feeling
Restless were my eyes
Insane they took the paddles
My arms they paralyzed

So where to now St. Peter
If it’s true I’m in your hands
I may not be a Christian
But I’ve done all one man can
I understand I’m on the road
Where all that was is gone
So where to now St. Peter
Show me which road I’m on
Which road I’m on

It took a sweet young foreign gun
This lazy life is short
Something for nothing always ending
With a bad report

Dirty was the daybreak
Sudden was the change
In such a silent place as this
Beyond the rifle range

I took myself a blue canoe

 

Quote of the Day: We Are Living in a Post-Christian America by Jason Isbell

jason isbell

The Trump presidency has convinced me that we are living in a post-Christian America. I could see how a lot of conservative right-wing Christian Americans would vote for someone like Mitt Romney, who seems like a stand-up guy. But Trump is obviously not a good Christian person. I think the fact that so many people voted for him means that there aren’t that many good Christian people left in rural America. God is gone from those people.

Jason Isbell, Rolling Stone interview, Issue 1293, August 10, 2017

Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Married Women Are to be Home-Workers not Career-Workers Says Nancy Campbell

nancy-campbell

Many women don’t like this phrase [keepers at home]. Even Christian mothers. And yet it’s in the Bible! Isn’t that amazing? However, I think it comes down to the fact that we either believe the Bible or we don’t. If we believe the Bible we must receive every word as the living, breathing Word of God. It is an eternal Word. It is as up-to-date as tomorrow’s newspaper!

Therefore, if you believe the Bible, would you like to come with me on a little word study? Let’s look into this phrase and see what it really means, shall we?

The phrase “keepers at home” in Titus 2:5 is translated from two different earlier manuscripts.

The first Greek word is oikourogo, coming from two words:  “oikos” meaning “home” and “ergon” meaning “to work.” The word literally means HOME-WORKERS!

I am a great believer in working mothers. However, we must know the place where God wants us to work. It’s in the home. It says “home-workers,” not “career workers.”

The home is not a prison to lock us away from all the wonderful things we could do in this life. The home is where we CAN DO all the wonderful things that will bless our own lives, the lives of our family, and many others.

The home is a place of function and action. It’s a place of nurturing where we have the privilege of nurturing and teaching the children God gives to us. It is also a place of creativity where we can accomplish all the creative ideas God brings to our minds. It’s the most exciting place in the world. We make our own hours and are free to create. We are not bound to an employer (submitted to another man rather than our husband).

That’s why we are workers in the home. We are not lazing around, but working. As we work, ideas come to us to do things in a better way. God gives us anointed ways to teach and minister to our children. Solutions come to us to solve problems in our family life. Inspiration comes to our hearts about hospitality and how we can reach out to the lonely, hurting, and those who need encouragement.

— Nancy Campbell, Above Rubies, Keepers at Home, August 2, 2017