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Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Motherhood the Only Job for Women That Matters by Lori Alexander

lori-alexander

A mother who is a doctor or nurse can help people get better but they will all die eventually.

A mother who is a lawyer can win some cases but only those who love Jesus win in the end.

A mother who is a teacher can have an influence in her students’ lives for one year but what they learn in this life is very temporary.

A mother who is an actress or singer entertains a lot of strangers for a while.

A mother who is a salesperson sells things that will all burn one day.

A mother who is in the military, police or fire department may save lives temporarily but only very temporarily since life is short compared to eternity.

A mother who spends her child-bearing years raising, training, and teaching children full time have the opportunity to build God’s kingdom here on earth and for eternity.

Which job do you think is the most important one for mothers?

….

Not one of the other jobs does God call a heritage of the LORD and a reward. Even Mother Theresa spent her life helping children. “How can there be too many children? That is like saying their are too many flowers.” Our children and grandchildren are our greatest treasures. Nothing in this world even comes close. It grieves me to hear young married couples who are not interested in having children or postponing having them because of the wife’s career.

— Lori Alexander, The Transformed Wife, Only One Job For Mothers Lasts for Eternity, November 29, 2016

24 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Melody

    “A mother who is a salesperson sells things that will all burn one day.”

    This reminds me of my grandfather. The years before his death he became even more obsessed with Revelations than he had in the past, which was saying something. He kept insisting that nothing mattered, everything would fade, everything would burn. He scared some of his personal carers with all that stuff, insisting they would have to go through the Endtimes if they didn’t repent. Some stopped working with him.

    My mother remembered that when she was a little girl and pointed out beautiful architecture to him, he was the same. It will all burn anyway; it will all be destroyed eventually.

    Over at Godless in Dixie, Neill keeps saying that Christianity is an anti-human religion. Nothing really matters; everything will be destroyed. Humans don’t matter either, unless it is Christ in them: makes me wonder if this type of Christianity is ultimately also a weird form of nihilism somehow.

    Since I sometimes think these things myself, I also wonder how much of it all is depression speaking. Nothing matters, we all die anyway, it might as well all be over etc. My mother’s extreme longing for the Rapture could easily have been a form of suicidal ideation, and perhaps my grandfather’s was too.

    Lori then of course, says: but, hey, there’s a solution. What you do for the Lord does matter! What you give your children for the next generation and eternity does matter! Hurray!

    • Avatar
      howitis

      “Humans don’t matter either, unless it is Christ in them: makes me wonder if this type of Christianity is ultimately also a weird form of nihilism somehow.”

      I believe it is, especially among those who are hardcore fans of the whole rapture and tribulation B.S. I also think you might be on to something with the depression and suicide angle. I have a lot of hardcore fundies in my family; a lot of them, I believe, have undiagnosed mental illnesses. I have an uncle and a cousin who committed suicide. Another cousin died from a gunshot wound that was ruled “accidental,” but those of us who are not bible-brainwashed believe his death was a suicide as well. All three were fundamentalist christians who believed the rapture was coming any day now.

      I have struggled with depression, anxiety and OCD myself, and I see many of my fundie relatives suffering the same symptoms that eventually drove me to seek treatment from psychiatrists and therapists. But rather than seeking out therapy and medication that could help them, my relatives pray and read the bible and hope for the rapture. It’s pathetic and sad, really.

      And Lori? Yeah, definitely needs help.

      • Avatar
        Melody

        Yes, it’s like the Rapture will be the magic fix for everything, just like suicide in some way could be. An end to one’s problems is also a ‘fix’ of some kind.

        I really dislike that religion often prevents Christians from getting the help they need. It’s the shame and distrust of science/non-religious healthcare and then there’s this idea of psychological problems being demonic, which is so very harmful too.

  2. Avatar
    Melody

    Having said all that, of course, it is true that all will fade eventually. We will die eventually. Civilations collapse and others rise in its stead. One day the sun might die and long before that life on earth will as well. So I understand that part of it. Sometimes it makes me sad too, but an active longing for it all to happen is a different thing entirely.

    Usually when something ends, new things begin and take their place. The cirle of life and all that.

    There’s a few great poems about this that I wanted to share. I really like them myself and they are about this loss of civilization.

    I met a traveller from an antique land
    Who said: `Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
    Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
    Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
    And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
    Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
    Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
    The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
    And on the pedestal these words appear —
    “My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
    Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
    Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
    The lone and level sands stretch far away.’

    Percy Bysshe Shelley

    The next poem is based on this one: the same idea but transported to more recent times:

    In Egypt’s sandy silence, all alone,
    Stands a gigantic Leg, which far off throws
    The only shadow that the Desart knows:-
    ‘I am great OZYMANDIAS,’ saith the stone,
    ‘The King of Kings; this mighty City shows
    ‘The wonders of my hand.’- The City’s gone,-
    Nought but the Leg remaining to disclose
    The site of this forgotten Babylon.

    We wonder,-and some Hunter may express
    Wonder like ours, when thro’ the wilderness
    Where London stood, holding the Wolf in chace,
    He meets some fragment huge, and stops to guess
    What powerful but unrecorded race
    Once dwelt in that annihilated place.

    Horace Smith

  3. Avatar
    Lynn 123

    I no longer care or find it of interest what these extreme, oddball Christians are saying. I read many a Christian woman book in my time. All of it just put a huge extra weight on my shoulders while I was trying to figure out how to do life correctly. So much unnecessary angst. Let them have their delusion and enjoy it. For those like me and many others who are harmed by their ideas-I’m hoping they, like me, start exploring the internet and find helpful and understanding sites to help them get out from under that burden.

    Actually in thinking about this, I’d say Christian women putting a huge burden on other Christian women would be the main thing that can still press my anger button. I empathize with Christian women who keep trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong, why it’s not all working. I suggest they look in the mirror and say, “Hey! Trust your common sense! You’re smart! You’re worthy of having a decent life! Start questioning your assumptions!” And I suggest they turn to a good secular counselor who understands psychology.

    I’ve been a stay-at-home mother (except for some part-time work for five years) for about 30 years. I’m glad I had the opportunity, cause that’s what I wanted to do. Some women have careers or simply must work for survival, etc. I have definitely sometimes envied them for their skills. I think this whole battle between non-working and working mothers is old. Whatever you want to do, more power to you. There are advantages and disadvantages for all scenarios.

    So, other than those who hear this type of preaching and it’s not working for them, (they should open their minds to other ways of seeing things)-who bloody cares what these women leaders are saying on their little blogs or whatever?
    I suspect their audience is small.

    • Avatar
      Melody

      It pushes my anger button too.

      Even though I already disliked so much of these harmful ideas when I was a Christian and sometimes ranted against them, they have still been insidious, creeping into your self-esteem anyhow. It was everywhere and that makes it a hard battle to fight.

      Besides the extra pressure on my behaviour, it also gave me the distinct impression that God was more a god for the men than for the women; no matter how often people said that wasn’t true, if I argued that. I do think, however, that these small bits of distrust that I had towards this “male” God (thought technically neither or both-whichever you want to argue) who clearly favored men, ultimately helped me in getting out of my religion. The hate/disdain for women that I disliked so much was one of the things that sparked my questioning and skepticism.

      • Avatar
        Brian

        Melody, Your Grand-daddy was a miserable bugger by the sounds of it and Christianity is a wonderful sucker punch to throw at people when you are such a prick. It gives you the hign ground from which to pick off sinners down below, warn, shame, blame, beg, bawl and bamboozle…
        Who ever said life should be all smiles and glory? Christians take the most natural of emotional experience and vilify it, make it sound as if it is bad and ‘fallen’. Children have no defense against this mind-rape. My grandmother used to talk on and on about being ready to go the the Lord and be with her departed husband. She was not allowed to explore her inner self, her unhappy heart but she was approved when talking about going to the select club in the sky. Christianity does much harm. Lori A. is a nuisance sliver doing her very best to make sure that women are kept in their ‘proper place’.

        • Avatar
          Melody

          I’ve never understood the women that are invested in this kind of thinking. The men, sure, but the women? I’ve known many of them but really didn’t get it: it made me angry and frustrated, also because I couldn’t find women that thought like I did, rebellious 😉

          They existed plenty, of course, just not in my corner of fundamentalism. They were on the more progressive outskirts and quite a few of them too 🙂 I still follow some blogs and stuff from my own short journey into progressive Christianity.

          Yes, my grandfather was a prick. He picked on his family, just like his older brothers picked on him. They were morally superior you see, and leaders of the church too, and he had low self-esteem because of that, which he took out on his own family. Not much fun that…

          • Avatar
            Brian

            Same same for my older brother but he had no older brothers to pick on him. His ‘good’ luck was to be first-born male into a preacher’s family so all the expectations and baggage were put on him first in our family. He used to torture us younger kids and kick our cat like a football. He was one mean bastard. He is more ‘liberal’ in his retirement but quite obsessed and cannot have a secular conversation: All comes to religious proselytizing in his heart and head. He’s just plain gone, still crushed by the glorious Gawd he adores.

          • Avatar
            Melody

            I’m sorry your older brother was/is like that. That must be difficult to deal with.

            “All comes to religious proselytizing in his heart and head. He’s just plain gone, still crushed by the glorious Gawd he adores.”

            That’s what I dislike most about strict Christianity: you don’t get to be a person, to be yourself. You have to be a Jesus vessel. Nothing personal is really allowed and any tastes you may have in music, films, culture, whatever, is all sin anyway. So you either don’t do these things or you have to be sneaky about them. You have to be a sort of robot.

            You don’t get a chance to get to know yourself, to develop tastes or opinions of your own. They’re stealing people’s personhood and creating steford wives/robots….

            I’ve known people (still do) like that too: the ones who can only talk about God/Jesus/church and nothing else. Literally nothing else: it’s scary and a little freaky. It’s far beyond normal devotion, it’s more or less religious madness. One of my grandfather’s brothers was in fact committed into a mental hospital for a few months because he had been so agressively proselytizing, stopping people and physically preventing them to leave, that he needed help. He so wanted to save people from hell that he nearly assaulted them, crossing boundaries.

  4. Avatar
    Lynn 123

    One more thing-this lady’s worried about building the kingdom-quite a burden to put on women. What if your children don’t cooperate with that idea? lol You’re then a failure? Absurd. Were you a good-enough mother who did the best she could and loves her children? Then count yourself successful. Let the perfect mothers who are building the kingdom do their thing-and you do yours. Give yourself credit for your efforts, forgive yourself your failures, try to improve and learn and maybe help some other struggling mother along the way. Who gives a ***t what these women say. You’re just as smart as they are.

    Okay, done. My hope is that some mother from the IFB will come across this comment and get empowered and let the scales fall from her eyes. We women put enough extra on our shoulders without this stuff. And if this woman just wants to make stay-at-home mothers realize their great value, then that’s a good thing. And all the non-stay-at-home mothers have the same value. Don’t buy into the contest.

  5. Avatar
    Geoff

    What’s the thing with children anyhow? If you want to have them then fine, do so, but don’t start pressuring other women who don’t feel the same way.

    It’s also important to bear in mind that we have a world population over 7bn, and expected to increase to 11bn by the end of the century. The world can’t cope with this, and we need to start thinking and acting responsibly in our approach to rearing children. This woman is part of the problem, not the solution.

    • Avatar
      Lynn 123

      Was she pressuring other women to have children?

      As far as people having children or not-I know there are countries where the government wishes people would have more children or their people are gonna die off-I think Germany and Italy, Russia?

      Does it bother you if whatever group you’re in (Christian, atheist, Muslim, Black, White, Asian, etc, etc) doesn’t have many children and becomes the minority?

      • Avatar
        Geoff

        Oh yes, the pressure is very much there, though I accept it’s implicit rather than explicit.

        As for population growth, it’s a problem facing the world. I don’t deny there’s imbalance, though I don’t consider that reduced birth rates in Europe present a problem. I don’t offer any easy solutions, but ignoring a problem certainly doesn’t make it go away.

  6. Avatar
    John Arthur

    Hi Bruce,

    Does Lori realize what she is saying about those women who are not able to have children?

    Shalom,

    John Arthur

    • Avatar
      howitis

      What Lori (and others in the IFB/Quiverfull/hardcore fundie world) would say is that if you can’t have children of your own, then Jesus commands you to ADOPT! Adopt as many children as you can!!! Adopt children with special needs, even if you are under-educated, under-employed and don’t have the resources to care for a disabled child! God (and GoFundMe) shall provide!!! Show the world what a real christian martyr looks like, sacrificing your health and your financial well-being to care for children who need more help and care than you are capable of providing! And when it all goes terribly wrong, well, Jesus must have needed more baby angels in heaven!!! Or better yet, adopt children from third-world countries! Turn those children into your own personal mission field!!! Show those evil, godless liberal baby-killers that all you need is Jesus and the bible to turn little children from depraved, pagan countries into happy, perfect, obedient little christ-o-bots!!!

      (Yes, there are christians who preach this crap, and it often ends, badly. Google Tommy Musser. Google Nancy Campbell and her mysteriously missing African adoptees. Look I know the world needs more adoptive and foster parents. But I am increasingly convinced that adoption and foster care agencies and organizations should outright forbid fundie christians from adopting or fostering kids. If I were emperor of the world, I would.)

      • Avatar
        Matilda

        So true, Howitis, Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer commented recently on Quoting Quiverful that she worked in a children’s centre that never had less than 45% of kids who were from failed overseas evangelical adoptions. These well-meaning adopters are sure that prayer will solve everything but I’ve never read of any of them admitting they – and God – were wrong when their poor traumatised adoptee ruins their whole family’s lives in a most disastrous way..and faces yet more rejection in the new culture they’ve been brought to when their new family disrupts the adoption.

      • Avatar
        John Arthur

        Hi howitis,

        Thanks for that, but I suppose these fundamentalists don’t realize that Jesus says nothing about adoption. This whole quiverful movement is full of extremists. Women ought to be treated with dignity and respect whether are able to have children or not and whether they choose to adopt or not, whether they get married or not, and whether they have children out of wedlock or not. A woman’s worth is not to be evaluated by whether they have children.

        Shalom,

        John Arthur

  7. Avatar
    Lynn 123

    “Which job do you think is the most important one for mothers?” I think her whole thing is talking to mothers. I doubt she is trying to make women who can’t have children feel bad.

    I don’t know, I should probably quit commenting-I personally think children are a good thing, feel sorry for women who can’t have them, realize not all women want children, don’t worry about over-population.

    And on the lighter side-we, being wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, fascinating people-wouldn’t we be smart to pass on those great genes for the benefit of the world? I think so!

    Quiero hijos e hijas!

  8. Avatar
    Lynn123

    I checked out Lori’s blog. Good grief!! So glad I finally came to sanity and common sense and rejected trying to fit into all that. The overlay of the Bible makes everything so much harder.

    • Avatar
      Geoff

      Yes Lynn, it’s truly frightening. She even formats her writing as though it’s in verse, a style I’ve noticed in a few fundamentalist blogs. I noticed one of the comments refers to a woman who had 16 children. I can only say wow!

  9. Avatar
    Rachel

    The platitudes about lawyers, doctors, salespersons, etc could all equally be said about fathers! What a depressing and sad attitude, that the only thing worth doing is being a mother. (Any kind of mother, apparently.)

    For the sake of my own blood pressure and sanity, I will be avoiding this lady’s blog. (Thanks, Lynn123, for the warning!)

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