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Christians Say the Darnedest Things: How to Avoid Getting Abused by Your Husband

A wife has a much greater chance of being abused if she is quarrelsome, contentious, & abusive towards her husband rather than if she is kind, loving, & submissive. God’s ways are for our good, NOT for our harm.

Lori Alexander, Twitter, October 21, 2019

In other words, ladies, if your (Christian) husband beats the shit out of you, it is likely your fault. All you need to do is be kind, loving, and submissive, and your husband will not beat you.  Why, if wives would just stop being quarrelsome, contentious, and abusive towards their husbands, peace would reign supreme. Talking about blaming the victim. Just when I think Alexander can’t say anything worse, she sends out a Trump-like tweet or blog post.


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    Not only is this horrendous, but I understand from reading No Longer Quivering, Lori deletes any comments giving links to helplines or organisations that help anyone in a domestic abuse situation. NLQ features this post right now and the comments on it are very good and helpful. So, should anyone reading this be in this situation, I recommend going over to NLQ…and then seeking a way to flee, no amount of prayer, bible-reading, submission, being more humble or just trying harder is going to work. Abusers can be compared to addicts, staying feeds their addiction to violence. If there are children watching the abuse, their lives will be adversely affected for many years ahead and the abuser could well turn on them in the future.

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    The really sad and unfortunate thing is that she actually believes this fucking drivel that comes out of her own mouth! I wonder, does she have a daughter? And would she really give her own daughter this same advice? (Probably)

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    I’ve read many comments on blogs by women who are abused. They have pretty much tried everything possible within the scope of human behavior to be the kind of spouse their abuser demands….and ALWAYS without success. Their stories are truly heart-wrenching, and the women are often nearly suicidal. So maybe Lori Alexander should try getting to know some of them instead of condemning them from a distance. It’s like criticizing a black person for having the wrong skin color that causes racists to dislike them. What kind of fairy bubble does this woman live in?!

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    Really? Because my ex-husband was physically violent when I was quiet and nonconfrontational, because I wasn’t being a good wife calling him on his shit and helping him work through his issues (son of abusive alcoholic parents). Then he would also beat me when I did what he said and challenged him on unacceptable behavior, because I wasn’t supporting him and was telling him he was wrong. And neither of us were Christian, let alone fundie.

    My ex was/is mentally ill, and so is Lori Alexander. No healthy person is abusive to others, let alone the one who is supposed to be their partner in life. Her words are causing harm and pain to innocent people, and depriving those who need it the help the so desperately deserve. I am one of the lucky ones, I had a support system and was able to escape and get help. I doubt he ever has.

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Bruce Gerencser