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Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Lori Alexander Tells Women How to Become Attractive to Their Husbands

lori and ken alexander

I am increasingly convinced that Christian Fundamentalist Lori Alexander’s blog is actually operated by her patriarchal husband, Ken. “Lori” says stuff that no rational, thinking, self-aware woman would say. This fact makes me wonder if Ken is the person behind the scenes making the puppet’s mouth move. It is possible, of course, that Lori is so deeply indoctrinated in Christian patriarchal thinking that she has lost all sense of self; that all that matters to her is pleasing Ken (and Jesus).

While people are free to live any way they want, Lori attempts through her blog to convince women that her way of life is the way all female True Believers® should live. Want to be a Jesus-loving, husband-pleasing wife? Lori asks, practice what I preach!

Today, Lori wrote a post titled, Becoming Attractive to Your Husband. Consisting of thirty points, Lori’s sermon could easily have been titled “You Don’t Matter.” Here’s an excerpt from Lori’s post. Notice that the goal is to make yourself attractive to your husband so he will want you and pay attention to you:

A few tips on building attraction with your husband:

1. Pay attention to what makes him moody.

2. Don’t get upset when he shuts you down.

3. Publicly embarrass him with compliments.

4. Look up and smile at him when he enters the room.

5. Make his life more restful by not arguing with him and needing to have the last word.

6. Love God more than you love him.

7. Learn to disagree without being mean and having to be right.

8. Learn to be kind, gentle, and feminine.

9. Explore with him how to increase his sexual pleasure and yours.

10. Make sure your bedroom is not cluttered but an inviting place of rest and privacy.

11. Live wisely and contentedly within his income.

12. Keep your body in the best shape that you can.

13. Listen to him when he speaks and pay attention to his desires.

14. Don’t dress or look like a bum even around the house.

15. Give him a back and neck rub.

16. Hug him and kiss him like you’re his dream, and he’s your man.

17. Go on dates together if at all possible.

18.Learn self-discipline and have a servant’s heart.

19. Be submissive to his leadership.

20. Quit soap operas, junky TV shows, and literature porn.

21. Learn to be a good homemaker in all areas.

22. Be loyal to him always, especially with your words around your parents and girlfriends.

23. Take responsibility for your attitudes and behaviors.

24. Be caring and compassionate.

25. Say “thank you” often for all he does for you.

26. Make him believe he’s the best man for you, ever.

27. Turn off your phone, Facebook, and Instagram when he is around.

28. Wear your hair and clothes the way he likes.

29. Become the woman he WANTS to have sex with instead of the woman he HAS to have sex with.

30. Make it easy for your husband to obey this verse: Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:18,19

Lori, by the way, closed this post to comments. I wonder why?

Did you notice the points about physical attraction and sex? Sure sounds like a Fundamentalist man talking. 🙂

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Bruce Gerencser, 64, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 43 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

You can contact Bruce via email, Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube.

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17 Comments

  1. Avatar
    dm

    I’m surprised there wasn’t a commandment for a woman to drop to her knees and open her mouth when he comes home from work.

  2. Avatar
    dale m.

    Heheh …. Wouldn’t be the least surprised if I hear the two getting a divorce soon. You know what happens when a dog tries to lick your face all the time, slobbers over you, runs around between your legs don’t you ?!? It gets booted. Let’s wait and see how this all works out. Then again …. since evangelicals rarely live up to their own standards, that column on how to please your husband …. like forever ….. was probably written for their followers ….. who are like children and don’t know any better. They’re pulling yet another fast one on their unsuspecting flock.

    They actually remind me of 2 generals who push their armies for an unrealistic mass frontal attack that they wouldn’t do themselves. In short, their soldiers are sacrificial to the honor of the 2 Generals. Both should be demoted to Private.

  3. Avatar
    Yulya Sevelova

    Oh, just mostly sad stuff, walking on eggshells. Consideration is fine, but much of that she wrote is just one woman( or man’s) opinion. I couldn’t be paid to be HER, and I have a very tough life ! The other comments here crack me up,lol.

    • Avatar
      Sage

      Sadly, it also has a hint of abuse. I have heard other people in abusive relationships say similar things. Yulya is right about walking on eggshells. Lori’s rule number 1 really seems to be similar to “don’t upset him” which is very common in abusive homes. Do everything right, make him happy, and above all never do those things to upset him.

  4. Avatar
    Obstaclechick

    This was exactly what we were taught in the Biblical Womanhood class I took at church in 1988. It felt abusive and gross to me as an 18 year old then, and it seems even worse now that I have some life experience under my belt. While we should be considerate and compassionate to our partner, erasing ourselves is not ok.

  5. Avatar
    Troy

    Here’s some snarky suggestions for Lori’s list:

    Accept that he wants to have sex with men, suggest a 3-way, it’s not gay if it’s in a 3-way.
    Make your man a sammich.
    Apologize for no reason at least once a day.
    Remove his cowboy boots when he comes home drunk and passes out.
    Make sure the towels in the bathroom are evenly hung.
    If he hits you, remember it was your fault! Promise to try harder next time!

  6. Avatar
    Rachel

    No rational, thinking woman WOULD draw up this list. But when was Lori A rational or thinking? She has bought into the whole patriarchal she-bang.

  7. Avatar
    mary

    her writings can be appealing on the surface. she makes it all sound so simple. but underneath lies abuse and someone has to lose themselves to live her teachings. truly frightening.

    • Avatar
      Astreja

      But what is the appeal for Alexander’s fans? That’s what I could never figure out: Why cede control of your life and obey prefabricated rules? Responsibility and self-actualization are scary at first, but incredibly rewarding once you get over the fear.

  8. Avatar
    MJ Lisbeth

    For someone who comes from a faith tradition that says people are created in God’s image, she (or husband) could hardly have given a better recipe for turning a woman into a commodity.

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Bruce Gerencser