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Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Domestic Violence Is Not Grounds for Divorce

domestic violence

We are going to get this out of the way right now. There is only one reason for divorce. The unbelieving world has created a myriad of reasons but in reality and truth, there is only one- adultery.

Since God and Jesus get to make the rules, there are no substitutes. While the unbelieving world feels that they are more compassionate and more moral than God, they keep coming up with new ways to break up a solid family.

Sadly, the church has followed the unbelieving world and added far more reasons than the one Jesus gave. Many years ago we were in an online discussion with a woman on this very topic. We stated our position, as above, and she came back with, ‘My pastor said abandonment’ is grounds for divorce.

We came back with a solid no and restated adultery and her response was always the same – ‘and abandonment. her pastor was wrong and so are all those people who add abuse or domestic violence to the list.

Domestic violence is a sin but it is not a reason for divorce. In fact, encouraging people to divorce an abusive partner does not make the situation any better. Many women are killed after they have moved out and divorced their husbands.


Does this mean we are condemning people to abusive relationships? No. We are telling them not to sin in response to the sins committed against them. Sinning in response does not solve the problem either.

Remember Jesus was heavily abused by his family and the Romans, yet he did not sin in retaliation. He set the example. He is the one to follow. Can spouses and children bring charges against their mates and parents?

This is a delicate issue and one has to use the law wisely. Punishment is not for revenge or to hurt others. It is to bring the offender to repentance. You cannot achieve that goal if you sin in response or deal with the offender unjustly.


We do not sin when sin is done against us. Forgiveness does not make everything go away or make it better. Nor does it remove punishment but it helps us see clearly and find the just punishment for the offense or offenses committed.

Revenge is mine saith the Lord. Our duty is to allow God to lead us to the just punishment and not let our own will get in the way.

“Dr.” David Tee (David Thiessen), Theology Archeology: A Site for the Glory of God, Domestic Violence, October 6, 2021


  1. Avatar
    Martijn Linssen

    Revolting, sickening, disgusting.
    “Not in response” hey? So, in order “to prevent sin” (and to get away from abuse) it is best IF YOU START IT ALL?
    Because that way, your dearly beloved male dominant Righteous spouse won’t be allowed to retatliate “in response”, because that will be sin, according to this sicko right here – who is doing nothing else but deploying his rhetoric in favour of the dominant part of his lab rats

    It all makes me work just a bit harder to get Christianity out of the way

  2. Avatar

    This man is pure evil, up is down, right is wrong and empathy, sympathy and compassion are dirty words in his world. All he cares about is power and control and even if he doesn’t say it directly, this post and others reveal his true intentions. He wants a theocracy and if he really believes what he says he would be better off joining the taliban as he has more in common with them than he dies with decent human beings. If God and Jesus are such sanctimonious assholes that they can’t protect victims and prevent rampant abuse and predation on them by his followers, they clearly are not worth following.

  3. Avatar

    DDT’s screed has “butt-hurt because she left me without my permission” written all over it.

    If he’s this bad on the Internet. I shudder to think of what he’s like in real life.

  4. Avatar
    MJ Lisbeth

    This guy is really confused. He equates leaving an abuser with “retaliation.” I know a number of people (including myself) who survived abusive relationships. Not one of us left our abusers to “retaliate.” If anything, too many abusers retaliate against victims for leaving—and aren’t punished for it. And our purpose in leaving was nothing more or less than protecting ourselves—and, in some cases, children or other loved ones. In other words, we were running for our lives, which is about as far from “retaliation “ as you can get.

    • Avatar

      I’ve had the experience of leaving a bad marriage. At the time, the only “retaliation” on my mind was the fear of the ex retaliating against me, which is why I went no-contact, communicated only through my lawyer, and didn’t even give my new phone number or address to my parents for many months.

      DDT’s peculiar use of the word “retaliation” suggests that he sees the escaping party as the abusive one and the ex as the victim, and that he simply is not capable of feeling empathy for individuals who choose to remove themselves from an intolerable and dangerous situation.

      He’s also clueless when he expects repentance from perpetrators of domestic violence. The recidivism rate is extraordinarily high (I’ve heard as high as 98% – only 2% overcoming their abusive traits on a long-term basis). Stop telling DV victims to stay put and pray for Biblegod to save the day — that’s a sure way to get someone killed. >:-(

  5. Avatar

    By staying with an abusive partner, you are fuelling their addiction. I wrote that once and another commenter said it wasn’t technically an addiction, but seems pretty much like it to me. Women need to flee, for themselves and for their children. I understand that those seeing abuse when young, often become abusers in the next generation. Some, when old enough to fight back when they see their mother being beaten, then become victims themselves. So many lives ruined, traumatised, and down the generations too. T must be a monster, a sub-human sadist to write as he did.

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    I don’t see what the issue is with divorce. Based on how most Christians believe, you can divorce, then once it is all over, confess your sin to god and be forgiven. Then you can just move on as if nothing happened – just like you do for men who sexually assault women then ask god to be forgiven.

  7. Avatar
    Ben Berwick

    I’ve been weighing up a response of my own. TEWSNBN certainly has some odd takes on subjects like this. I don’t understand how any reasonable person can believe violence is not grounds for divorce.

  8. Avatar

    DDT is even worse than I thought. He certainly supports an abusive religious system all the way wherein he encourages members to offer themselves as living sacrifices to be abused over and over again.

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Bruce Gerencser