Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Domestic Violence Is Not Grounds for Divorce

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We are going to get this out of the way right now. There is only one reason for divorce. The unbelieving world has created a myriad of reasons but in reality and truth, there is only one- adultery.

Since God and Jesus get to make the rules, there are no substitutes. While the unbelieving world feels that they are more compassionate and more moral than God, they keep coming up with new ways to break up a solid family.

Sadly, the church has followed the unbelieving world and added far more reasons than the one Jesus gave. Many years ago we were in an online discussion with a woman on this very topic. We stated our position, as above, and she came back with, ‘My pastor said abandonment’ is grounds for divorce.

We came back with a solid no and restated adultery and her response was always the same – ‘and abandonment. her pastor was wrong and so are all those people who add abuse or domestic violence to the list.

Domestic violence is a sin but it is not a reason for divorce. In fact, encouraging people to divorce an abusive partner does not make the situation any better. Many women are killed after they have moved out and divorced their husbands.

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Does this mean we are condemning people to abusive relationships? No. We are telling them not to sin in response to the sins committed against them. Sinning in response does not solve the problem either.

Remember Jesus was heavily abused by his family and the Romans, yet he did not sin in retaliation. He set the example. He is the one to follow. Can spouses and children bring charges against their mates and parents?

This is a delicate issue and one has to use the law wisely. Punishment is not for revenge or to hurt others. It is to bring the offender to repentance. You cannot achieve that goal if you sin in response or deal with the offender unjustly.

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We do not sin when sin is done against us. Forgiveness does not make everything go away or make it better. Nor does it remove punishment but it helps us see clearly and find the just punishment for the offense or offenses committed.

Revenge is mine saith the Lord. Our duty is to allow God to lead us to the just punishment and not let our own will get in the way.

“Dr.” David Tee (David Thiessen), Theology Archeology: A Site for the Glory of God, Domestic Violence, October 6, 2021

Comments

14 responses to “Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Domestic Violence Is Not Grounds for Divorce”

October 6, 2021

Martijn Linssen

Revolting, sickening, disgusting.
“Not in response” hey? So, in order “to prevent sin” (and to get away from abuse) it is best IF YOU START IT ALL?
Because that way, your dearly beloved male dominant Righteous spouse won’t be allowed to retatliate “in response”, because that will be sin, according to this sicko right here – who is doing nothing else but deploying his rhetoric in favour of the dominant part of his lab rats

It all makes me work just a bit harder to get Christianity out of the way

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October 6, 2021

Trenton

This man is pure evil, up is down, right is wrong and empathy, sympathy and compassion are dirty words in his world. All he cares about is power and control and even if he doesn’t say it directly, this post and others reveal his true intentions. He wants a theocracy and if he really believes what he says he would be better off joining the taliban as he has more in common with them than he dies with decent human beings. If God and Jesus are such sanctimonious assholes that they can’t protect victims and prevent rampant abuse and predation on them by his followers, they clearly are not worth following.

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October 6, 2021

BJW

Dr T continues to suck, but I didn’t expect anything better.

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October 6, 2021

Astreja

DDT’s screed has “butt-hurt because she left me without my permission” written all over it.

If he’s this bad on the Internet. I shudder to think of what he’s like in real life.

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October 6, 2021

MJ Lisbeth

This guy is really confused. He equates leaving an abuser with “retaliation.” I know a number of people (including myself) who survived abusive relationships. Not one of us left our abusers to “retaliate.” If anything, too many abusers retaliate against victims for leaving—and aren’t punished for it. And our purpose in leaving was nothing more or less than protecting ourselves—and, in some cases, children or other loved ones. In other words, we were running for our lives, which is about as far from “retaliation “ as you can get.

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1. October 7, 2021
  
  Astreja
  
  I’ve had the experience of leaving a bad marriage. At the time, the only “retaliation” on my mind was the fear of the ex retaliating against me, which is why I went no-contact, communicated only through my lawyer, and didn’t even give my new phone number or address to my parents for many months.
  
  DDT’s peculiar use of the word “retaliation” suggests that he sees the escaping party as the abusive one and the ex as the victim, and that he simply is not capable of feeling empathy for individuals who choose to remove themselves from an intolerable and dangerous situation.
  
  He’s also clueless when he expects repentance from perpetrators of domestic violence. The recidivism rate is extraordinarily high (I’ve heard as high as 98% – only 2% overcoming their abusive traits on a long-term basis). Stop telling DV victims to stay put and pray for Biblegod to save the day — that’s a sure way to get someone killed. >:-(
  
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October 7, 2021

Matilda

By staying with an abusive partner, you are fuelling their addiction. I wrote that once and another commenter said it wasn’t technically an addiction, but seems pretty much like it to me. Women need to flee, for themselves and for their children. I understand that those seeing abuse when young, often become abusers in the next generation. Some, when old enough to fight back when they see their mother being beaten, then become victims themselves. So many lives ruined, traumatised, and down the generations too. T must be a monster, a sub-human sadist to write as he did.

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October 7, 2021

Sage

I don’t see what the issue is with divorce. Based on how most Christians believe, you can divorce, then once it is all over, confess your sin to god and be forgiven. Then you can just move on as if nothing happened – just like you do for men who sexually assault women then ask god to be forgiven.

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October 7, 2021

Ben Berwick

I’ve been weighing up a response of my own. TEWSNBN certainly has some odd takes on subjects like this. I don’t understand how any reasonable person can believe violence is not grounds for divorce.

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October 7, 2021

Neil Robinson

The man is a prick. And what’s with the royal ‘we’ all the time? A pretentious prick who loves to parade his sanctimonious ignorance.

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October 7, 2021

ObstacleChick

DDT is even worse than I thought. He certainly supports an abusive religious system all the way wherein he encourages members to offer themselves as living sacrifices to be abused over and over again.

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October 7, 2021

… Zoe ~

My heart aches for those who think Theogaslighter is filled with the Holy Spirit.

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July 11, 2022

Ben Berwick

Apologies for the thread necromancy!

In light of recent developments (assuming that the recent affidavit and its info are true), David’s resistance to divorce for domestic violence… does it more sense or less? Because I can’t work it out.

On the one hand, he may feel that his (hypothetical) wife had no reasonable grounds to divorce him, and he is angry that she rejected his version of Christian law. On the other hand, he may be being hypocritical, seeing as he completely abandoned her (hypothetically speaking) and possibly, a child as well.

Perhaps he wanted complete control, as he feels is his right as a man, and that he was merely ‘disciplining’ his partner. How dare she reject him or his authority? Assuming any of this is true, of course.

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July 11, 2022

Brian Vanderlip

Any Christianity that remotely suggests one accept personal violence/assault as God’s Will and thereby accept the abuse without response based in survival/self-respect, is a sickness. This is obvious to those who have not been harmed as human beings and have known love. Sorry you kids brought up in Christian homes: You get left out because your caregivers told you the first humans, Adam and Eve, deserved what they got. Your parents told you you were born evil and were lost without admitting your fall, your badness.
The idea that anyone has a God-given right to harm someone else without doing so in active self-defense against personal assault, is suggesting that self-harm is a good thing and something meant-to-be by God. Well, sure its meant to be if God is a vengeful, sick prick (as he appears to be in the old stories) and if so, then we should all run around hurting ourselves and one another because a vengeful prick says so? Or, we could listen to idiotic twisted twits who call themselves doctor and say its okay for a man to harm a woman and it just a sin, that it is the woman, the victim who should accept God’s Will. She knows her man sinned and so does God and so that means she shouldn’t divorce him? My oh my, how did we ever get sucked into that shallow a view? What happened?
Spouse, you have an obligation to fully respond to assault with all your might of self-respect, out of love of yourself and your kids (who follow your example, perhaps too out of love for the one who is harming you. You are wholly responsible to use whatever means you have to resist abuse including divorce! If you are completely unable to act on your own behalf, then tell someone! Share it. Somebody will help you. Doctor Bully does not help. Doctor Bully harms. He is a train-wreck of a brain, someone who sits by himself at a keyboard and actually believes he has something of value to offer. Time he was put out to pasture… And with him, all the self-harm glorified by evangelical believers.
Biped, do not succumb to bully ideas that suggest you are inherently bad. You are not and never were…. Am I saying God is a liar? Not at all because God would have to be, to exist to be a liar and I do not see a reason to accept that supposition. But let’s say the God exists…. then absolutely God is a liar, the biggest prick of liar that ever was! God so loved the world that he publically crucified his own son. Is there a sicker, more disgusting love-premise possible to portray to human beings? What decent, halfway sane parent would ever give their child in such a way, even to save the whole world? It completely contradicts all the evolutionary mandate. Is there any greater love than that of a mother and father for their baby? I have not known one. Should there be one? Or is the very basis of our well-being as humans and as a world founded fundamentally on this basic essential love?

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