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Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Epically Bad Advice for Evangelical Women Looking for a Man to Marry

lori and ken alexander

When you meet a man you may be interested in and he wants to go out with you, go out for a few coffee dates to see if he may be marriage material. Find out if he is even interested in marriage and having children. If not, he’s not for you! Find out his beliefs and if they’re compatible with God’s Word. Keep it on this level for the first date.

If he wants to keep dating you and you feel the same way, let him know soon that you want to be sexually pure. If he does too, then this is a good sign. If not, you probably want to stop dating him.

You both need to be honest about your pasts. This should all be out in the open but details do not need to be provided IF either of you have a promiscuous past. But each of you have a right to know of any addictions, porn usage, fornication, etc. A solid marriage must be built upon trust.

If a man is still struggling with an addiction, I would encourage you to stop dating him. If he hasn’t struggled with an addiction for several years and still is being held accountable, then this is a good sign.

Does he attend a solid, Bible believing church? Does he want children? Is he a hard-worker and willing to provide for you to be home with the children? Discuss vaccinations, family bed, circumcision, education for children, and all of the other topics that can cause division. Once married, you are going to need to submit to his decisions, so it’s good to know what he believes about everything.

Meet his family and have him meet yours. Ask for your father’s blessing if you continue to move forward. Men are usually better judges of the character of another man than women are. Trust your father’s judgements. Get to know his family. How does he treat his mother? Does he have a good relationship with his father? Know that those who come from divorced families often have deep-seated problems with anger. Watch for signs of this. You don’t want to marry an angry man.

The most important things to know about a man you are considering marrying is that he is a strong believer in Jesus and is willing to work hard. Everything else will fall in place if he has these two important qualities

— Lori Alexander, The Transformed Wife, Dating Intentionally for Marriage, July 25, 2022


Bruce Gerencser, 65, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 44 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.

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  1. Avatar
    MJ Lisbeth

    My mother once told me that if she could do her life over, she would get married and have me and my siblings ten years later than she did. “I would have had more education and a career,” she explained. Although my father provided well enough, “i would have liked to be more independent.”

    “No woman should leave herself dependent on any man, no matter how good he is.”

    She would have called “bullshit” on Lori Alexander.

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    I have a better idea, if Lori or Ken tell you any marriage or dating advice, do the opposite. Most successful long term relationships survive or die based on compatibility, interpersonal conflict resolution, and the effort put in by both partners to the relationship, not church and Jesus.

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    I suspect If the woman is discussing marriage on the first date, there is a very high chance there will be no second date.

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    Charles S. Oaxpatu

    Lori highly values hard work. She wants to make sure other people are working hard to support her and all the children she wants to bring into the world herself and all of the children she wants her fellow fundies to bring into the world. I think Lori should—–GET A JOB AND PULL AT LEAST 50 PERCENT OF THE WEIGHT IN HER MARRIAGE, rather than being the blood-sucking leech she actually is in her marriage. Just one man’s opinion.

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    There are ways to establish the fact that one is dating to find a husband/wife. Doing so prevents one from dating folks who don’t want a relationship at all and are looking for something entirely different. Another important thing to watch in the beginning is how the person treat wait staff and store personnel, That will tell you a lot about who they are as a human. It’s helpful to know that someone wants to be a parent someday. But it’s often better to couch that in “where do you see yourself in 5-10 years.” That’s going to tell you a lot!

    Knowing if they are religious matters, although it might make some of us head for the hills. But I would say the best tests for long term compatibility is to do cool stuff while dating, stuff that’s not easy to do, see how the other person acts in adversity and ask yourself if that crisis response is acceptable to you.

    Even knowing Lori’s core beliefs I choked on “find out what he believes beforehand because if you marry him you’ll have to obey him.” Nuts to that! Nope no, never NUTS!

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    The mess needs to be cleaned out of some of the good advice.
    Mess: the assumption that dating should lead to marriage
    The demand that women have to obey their master, I mean, husband.
    All the God talk.
    Sexual abstinence, unless that’s what both parties consent to.
    Good: if you and the other person think there is potential for long-term relationship or marriage, it is good to discuss certain topics like thoughts on having kids, finances, goals, etc., to make sure you align.

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Bruce Gerencser