This is the fifty-second installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.
This is the one hundred and sixty-third installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section. Let’s have some fun!
“The left has become anti-Christ. I’m convinced, if we would have elected the other candidate, we would be, right now, probably packing boxes to move out of our buildings and Christian television would begin to be a part of the end of era of the freedom of Christian television. They don’t want us, we’re one voice that speaks biblically and they don’t like the fact that God’s word differs with what they teach. If we change positions in this country and the other team takes over, you better get ready because all hell is going to break loose and America will not be a religious nation any longer.”
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27
The Holy Spirit wrote that through the hands of Moses. God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him… The Bible is God’s revelation of himself, and he has revealed himself as the male gender. This is not a human construct; this is the revelation constructed in the mind of God. Maleness is how God self-identifies. Of course, God the Father (another self-identification of God) does not have a body, and is Spirit (John 4:24), but the lack of physical flesh for the First Person of Trinity doesn’t mean God lacks a gender. For in fact, God ascribes to himself gender.
— Pulpit & Pen, Church Pastor Says to Stop Calling God “He,” and Instead Use Gender-Neutral Pronouns, November 13, 2017
Letter submitted to the Editor of the Defiance Crescent-News on November 13, 2017
Dear Editor,
I write to lend my support to the Defiance College football players who have knelt during the playing of the national anthem. I commend them for their courage, knowing that most local residents oppose their actions. Their continued protest has brought calls for discipline, including expulsion from school. I commend college administrators and coaches for not bowing to public pressure to silence protest. These students, along with their counterparts in professional sports, need to be heard. Their protests have nothing to do with respect for the military or flag.
What lies behind their kneeling is inequality, injustice, and racism. While these issues might seem to locals to be the problems of urban areas, the truth is that we denizens of rural Northwest Ohio have our own problems related to these things. I recently participated in a forum discussion on racism in Northwest Ohio. Having lived most of my sixty years of life in this area, I can say with great certainty that we are not immune from charges of racism and injustice. We may hide it better, covering it with white, middle-class Christian respectability, but it exists, nonetheless.
Years ago, my family and I walked into a church towards the end of the adult Sunday school class. Teaching the class was a matronly white woman — a pillar of the church. She was telling the class that her grandson was not getting playing time on the college football team because blacks got all the playing time. She reminded me of a retired white school teacher I knew when I lived in Southeast Ohio. At the time, we had a black foster daughter. I had just started a new church in the area, and we were looking for a house to rent. This school teacher had a house available, so we agreed to rent it. When it came time to pick up the keys, she told us she decided to rent to someone else. We later learned that she said she wasn’t going to have a ni***r living in her house.
These stories are apt reminders of what lies underneath our country respectability. It is time we quit wrapping ourselves in the flag, pretending that racism, inequality, and injustice doesn’t exist. Our flag and anthem represent many things, but for many Americans, they represent oppression and denial of human rights; and it is for these reasons, among others, that players kneel.
Youth pastor Ellis Simmons spent five years in prison for sexually molesting three girls ages seven to ten. Released in 2016, Simmons now faces new sexual abuse charges.
Prosecutors can move forward with the case against a former Duluth youth pastor accused of sexually abusing two girls more than a decade ago, a judge ruled recently.
Ellis William Simmons, 38, is accused of sexually assaulting two victims between approximately 2000 and 2005. He was charged with three felonies in June, shortly after being released from an Illinois prison where he was incarcerated for similar crimes that occurred after he left Duluth.
Sixth Judicial District Judge David Johnson in late October denied a defense motion seeking dismissal of the charges on the basis that they were barred by statute of limitations.
Simmons served as a pastor to the alleged victims and a babysitter for the family of at least one of the girls, according to a criminal complaint. The charging document indicates that one victim reported two incidents that occurred when she was 11 years old; the other reported an incident when she was 14.
Both alleged victims told police that they were sleeping when they awoke to sexual contact from Simmons, according to the charges. The contact allegedly included penetration.
While partial reports were made to law enforcement in the early 2000s, St. Louis County prosecutor Jon Holets said the victims only recently came forward with additional information — including, in one instance, Simmons’ name — that made charges possible.
Under Minnesota law, charges in child sexual abuse cases must be filed within nine years of the offense date or three years of the initial report to law enforcement, whichever comes later.
But Johnson noted in an eight-page order that the time requirements are suspended for any period of time when the defendant is not a resident of the state. The judge said evidence indicates that Simmons moved from Minnesota shortly after the reports were first made.
“The limitation time was tolled on September 12, 2005, leaving a little over four years before the statute of limitations ran out,” Johnson wrote of the oldest charge. “Because … Defendant never returned to Minnesota prior to being extradited from California to St. Louis County in July of 2017, the State has not violated the statute of limitations provision by filing charges.”
Simmons was released from an Illinois prison in December 2016 after serving nearly five years of a seven-year sentence for sexually abusing three girls ranging in age from 7 to 10.
….
In July of this year, I posted the following:
Ellis Simmons, former youth pastor of St. Mark African Methodist Episcopal Church and Calvary Baptist Church in Duluth, Minnesota, has been charged with “two counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct and one count of second-degree criminal sexual conduct.” Simmons previously served five years in prison for sexually abusing other girls.
The Duluth News Tribune reports:
A former youth pastor who recently served five years in Illinois prison for sexually abusing several young girls is now facing similar charges stemming from a stint in Duluth more than a decade ago.
Ellis William Simmons, 38, is accused of assaulting two girls between 1999 and 2005, when he was living and working in Duluth. The girls were 11 and 14 years old at the time of the reported incidents.
Simmons was formally charged last month with two counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct and one count of second-degree criminal sexual conduct. If convicted, the most-serious charges each carry a maximum sentence of 30 years in prison.
While the incidents were reported to police in the early 2000s, St. Louis County prosecutor Jon Holets said the victims only recently came forward with the alleged perpetrator’s name and other information that made charges possible.
“It still bothered them, and they realized what he had done in Illinois,” Holets said Monday. “It was their desire to continue coming forward (that led to charges).”
Simmons served as a pastor to the alleged victims and a babysitter for the family of at least one of the girls, according to a criminal complaint. The charging document indicates that one victim reported two incidents that occurred when she was 11 years old; the other reported an incident when she was 14.
Both alleged victims told police that they were sleeping when they awoke to sexual contact from Simmons, according to the charges. The contact allegedly included penetration.
Simmons served as a pastor at St. Mark African Methodist Episcopal Church and Calvary Baptist Church in Duluth, while also attending the College of St. Scholastica and the University of Minnesota Duluth, according to News Tribune articles from the time.
….
The decision by the alleged victims to provide additional information came around the same time Simmons was being released from prison in Illinois.
He was arrested in January 2012 and charged with sexually abusing three girls ranging in age from 7 to 10, according to a report in the Rockford (Ill.) Register Star. Simmons at the time was working at a juvenile detention center; authorities said the abuse was not related to his employment, but the victims were known to him.
Records indicate that Simmons was released from prison in December after serving nearly five years of a seven-year sentence. He was re-arrested in California after a warrant was issued in the Duluth case on June 19.
Simmons made an initial appearance in State District Court in Duluth last week. His bail was set at $300,000, and he remained in the St. Louis County Jail on Monday.
Note: As you will soon see, I was very angry when I wrote this post — the eighth post today dealing with sexual/financial misconduct by clergy and church leaders. Day after day, these kind of stories show up in my email in-box. I often feel dirty, disgusted, and depressed after reading them. Is there no end to the predatory behavior of Christian clergy? That’s a rhetorical question. The answer, of course, is no. What makes these stories worse is the fact they are often covered up, explained away, or coated with Grade A religious bullshit. I started the Black Collar Crime series in March. Since then, I have posted almost 250 stories. These reports are but the tip of the iceberg. Most sexual abuse goes unreported. As we are learning with Hollywood’s sexual harassment/abuse/rape scandal, men (and it is almost always men) with power and authority over children and women can and will use that power to satisfy their perverse desires. What makes Evangelical and Catholic scandals worse is the fact that pastors, priests, and other church leaders are naively viewed as pillars of morality and virtue. People, especially children, implicitly trust clerics and church leaders, and these degenerates take that trust and use it harm their charges.
An elementary teacher at Sioux Center Christian School arrested last month for committing a lascivious act with a student at the school has been charged with an additional 84 counts of sexual abuse involving “numerous” children, police said Wednesday.
Curtis Van Dam, 35, of Sioux Center, was arrested Oct. 23 after a complaint was lodged against him five days earlier for inappropriate conduct with a student.
The latest charges are tied to incidents that occurred over a four-year period, between August 2013 and last month. Van Dam now faces 101 felonies and 39 misdemeanors.
The felonies include 72 counts of second-degree abuse, 12 counts of third-degree sexual abuse, 14 counts of sexual exploitation by a teacher, and three counts of lascivious acts with a child.
The alleged acts took place at various locations, including the private school, the release said.Police Chief Paul Adkins said the investigation is continuing, and additional charges are possible. Adkins declined to identify the number of alleged victims or their ages.
Van Dam, a fifth-grade teacher at the school, was fired following his arrest last month.
Police searched Van Dam’s residence on Oct. 21, two days before his arrest. He is booked into the Sioux County Jail.
Van Dam started teaching at the school after he graduated from Dordt College in 2004.
Sioux Center Christian School was founded in 1905. According to the school’s website, the school has 509 students in grades K-8 for the 2017-18 school year.
In a statement, the school said it removed Van Dam from the school immediately after hearing the initial complaint and terminated him on Oct. 19. The case, the school said, is now “in the hands of our criminal justice system and we trust that justice will be served.
….
Evidently, no one, not even God, knew that Van Dam was preying on school children for FOUR FUCKING YEARS. Josh Bowar, the principal at Sioux Center Christian had this to say to the children abused by Van Dam:
Kids, we want you to know that we consider you brave for telling your parents, the police, and the interviewers what happened to you. We praise God that your testimony has brought to light a dark secret that none of us adults knew was there. Please know that thousands are lifting you before the throne of your Father in heaven…. Trust Him to restore you completely.
Sioux Center Christian is a Reformed institution. These institutions’ philosophy is such that they believe that Van Dam’s heinous behavior was decreed (or permitted) by the sovereign, all-knowing God of John Calvin (and yes, I know all the arguments Calvinists use to escape the logical conclusion of their deterministic theology). A statement put out by Bowar states:
We have been told from the beginning that additional charges for a former teacher at Sioux Center Christian would be coming. Today, Mr. Curt Van Dam, was charged with 101 felonies and 39 misdemeanors. We have been informed that he was arrested this afternoon. On Oct 18, within hours of hearing a complaint, school officials removed Mr. Van Dam from the school and immediately contacted authorities. His employment was terminated on Oct 19 and we have been in full cooperation with civil authorities since. This case is in the hands of our criminal justice system and we trust that justice will be served.
Though the number of charges do not necessarily reflect the number of students, we are grieved again as we hear the extent of the charges. We’ve wept, now it’s time to weep again. We’ve prayed, now we need to continue praying. We’ve brought our anger and fears to the Lord, and now we need to lay those feelings again at His feet. We need to remember that though the charges are many, it also means that many students are no longer carrying secrets. Kids, we want you to know that we consider you brave for telling your parents, the police, and the interviewers what happened to you. We praise God that your testimony has brought to light a dark secret that none of us adults knew was there. You have played an important role in keeping others safe. Please know that thousands are lifting you before the throne of your Father in heaven… trust Him to restore you completely.
Our focus at Sioux Center Christian continues to be the Christ-centered education of our students, while also providing daily support and guidance to students as needed through their teachers and professional counselors. Tonight, there is a parent group session with All Things New Therapy Services. It is at 6:30pm in our gym for parents. Next Wednesday, Nov. 15, we will have a parent/5th – 8th grade student opportunity with Pastor Aaron & Nicole Baart at 6:30pm in our gym.
We are planning additional specialized support for our students in the months ahead and for as long as it takes. If this news especially hurts because you have suffered or are suffering abuse, we encourage you to bring it out of the realm of secrecy, so that it loses its powerful grip on you. We encourage you to talk to a professional Christian counselor.
We know hearing these new charges is incredibly painful and heartbreaking, but we need to be reminded again that we are walking this road of pain, so that another child need not. In the midst of this hurt, we proclaim hope. Hope in our sovereign God, who is so very trustworthy and true in His promises of life and healing. He gave His only Son, who lived as one of us, died on the cross, rose again, and reigns on high, so that we could enjoy eternal life in Christ’s unfolding Kingdom. As a community of people bound together by our love and care for kids, let us persevere through the trials that lay before us. This will be an enduring process but we rest in our Living Hope, Jesus Christ. Let’s continue to pray and encourage one another. We have been overwhelmed by the love and support shown by our entire community and beyond …you have done more for us than words can define. Be assured that God is good and He is at work mightily in this school. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
Below was not part of our public statement, but we want to share this with those who read the statement. We have all experienced comfort and assurance through Scripture and in songs of faith during this trying time. Here is one Bible verse that has been especially encouraging to us:
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:6-9
This is, of course, a horrible story. I find it hard to believe that NO ONE had any suspicions about Van Dam’s predatory behavior. Not one person questioned Van Dam’s behavior? Not one child complained? Not one parent wondered if Van Dam’s was up to no good?
Bowar offered the abused children thoughts, prayers, and Christian counseling. The thoughts and prayers are worthless, little more than empty religious platitudes meant to make adults feel better about allowing a sexual predator to run wild at Sioux Christian. And the Christian counseling? This allows the school to keep the matter in-house. Students will be counseled according to Biblical principles, with, I suspect, a healthy dose of Calvinistic thinking. Will these counselors tell the children the truth; that their abuse at the hands of their teacher was all part of God’s plan for their lives; that God was “with” them through every disgusting, vile act perpetrated by Van Dam.
I wonder if anyone will dare to ask the question,WHERE WAS GOD when Van Dam was violating these children? And while you are at it, explain to these precious children why an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing God stood by and watched — doing nothing — while their innocence was ripped away. Shouldn’t God be held accountable for his indifference?
Of course, God didn’t intervene because he couldn’t — he doesn’t exist. Religion might provide a temporary salve to soothe these wounded children, but there is coming a day, perhaps years from now when they are adults, that those abused by Van Dam will have to wrestle with the things done to them by their Christian school teacher. Perhaps then, far away from the empty words of Josh Bowar, they will find healing. I hope they will seek out competent counselors who put them, and not God, first.
About Bruce Gerencser
Bruce Gerencser, 60, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 39 years. He and his wife have six grown children and eleven grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.
Bruce is a local photography business owner, operating Defiance County Photo out of his home. If you live in Northwest Ohio and would like to hire Bruce, please email him.
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Barbara Snyder, an accounting clerk at St. Patrick’s Roman Catholic Church in Onalaska, Wisconsin, was convicted of stealing more than $800,000 from the church, using the money to gamble.
The former accounting clerk at St. Patrick’s Roman Catholic Church in Onalaska was convicted Friday of two federal charges that accused of her stealing more than $800,000 from church donors and falsifying her tax return.
Barbara Snyder, 59, between January 2006 and December 2015 received weekly church donations and paperwork documenting the amount collected. She was responsible for retaining the paperwork, depositing collections and maintaining accounting records reported annually online to a financial services company with a server based in Ohio.
During her tenure, Snyder misappropriated $832,210 for “the purposes of wagering such funds at nearby casinos,” falsified accounting records and bank deposit slips and covered her misconduct by throwing out paperwork that documented actual church donations, according to the complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Madison.
Snyder reported an income of $162,949 on her 2015 tax return, although prosecutors contend her income “was greater than that reported,” the complaint reported.
She pleaded guilty to wire fraud and making false statements on tax returns and agreed to make restitution as part of the agreement.
….
Yesterday, Snyder was sentenced to four years in prison.
A former accounting clerk at a church in Onalaska has been sentenced to four years in federal prison for stealing from her congregation.
Fifty-nine-year-old Barbara Snyder, of West Salem, was accused of stealing more than $800,000 from St. Patrick’s Roman Catholic Church when she was responsible for depositing church collections and maintaining accounting records between 2006 and 2015. Authorities said she used the money to gamble at casinos.
The Archdiocese of St. Louis has received an allegation of sexual abuse of a minor against Father Dennis B. Zacheis. The acts are alleged to have occurred while he was an associate pastor at St. Margaret Mary Alacoque Parish in Mehlville from 1975 to 1979. Father Zacheis denies the allegation.
Archbishop Robert J. Carlson, in consultation with the Review Board of the archdiocese, made the allegation known for the sake of openness and transparency.
Father Zacheis retired from ministry without priestly faculties in 2010 due to alleged irregularities in finances for which he was responsible as pastor of St. Anthony in Sullivan. He currently resides in a private residence.
Father Zacheis served as associate pastor at St. Mary Magdalen Parish in south St. Louis from 1979-85, Christ, Prince of Peace in Manchester from 1985-88 and St. Matthias in Lemay from 1988-92. He was pastor of St. Gertrude Parish in Krakow from 1994-2003, St. Alban Roe in Wildwood from 2003-04 and St. Anthony in Sullivan from 2005-09.
As pastor of the parish in Sullivan, Father Zacheis also was known for a large number of new Catholics joining the faith in a town that is largely non-Catholic.
….
In 2010, Tim Townsend, a reporter for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, wrote:
A lawyer for a Catholic priest said Friday that his client bears no responsibility for a $60,000 shortfall at St. Anthony’s Catholic Church that has divided the Sullivan parish and triggered a reimbursement from the Archdiocese of St. Louis.
John Kilo, a lawyer who represents the Rev. Dennis Zacheis, said the priest “denies any wrongdoing whatsoever.”
A prosecutor, meanwhile, said his decision not to bring criminal charges against the priest follows seven months of investigation in which the archdiocese cooperated fully.
“If I’d had enough evidence to file criminal charges, (the archdiocese) would have been 100 percent on board,” Franklin County prosecutor Robert Parks said. “As far as I am concerned, the investigation is closed.”
That’s not good enough for some parishioners who feel the $60,000 is only a portion of what the church of 300 families lost during Zacheis’ tenure between 2005 and April 2009, when the archdiocese removed him “for reasons of health.”
Those same parishioners question why their former priest had the church pay for a variety of expenses incurred at Lake of the Ozarks, where he owned a waterfront home.
Financial irregularities at the parish led St. Louis Archbishop Robert Carlson to take the extraordinary step of visiting the parish personally Wednesday to announce that $60,000 would be restored to St. Anthony’s through the archdiocese’s insurance fund and to pray for healing.
Parishioner Tammy Emily said at the meeting, “There were several people up there saying that this money was unaccounted for. No one would say it had been taken.”
Carlson did say that a routine audit of parish finances in 2009 turned up an off-the-books bank account that included $300,000 in disbursements. Nearly $240,000 of the money “came back to help the parish in a variety of ways,” Carlson told parishioners.
Nonparishioners were asked to leave the meeting before parishioners began asking questions, but those who were there said someone asked how the rest of the $240,000 from the off-the-books account came back to benefit the parish.
According to those parishioners, Carlson detailed some of the expenditures, saying $100,000 was used to renovate the parish rectory (a priest’s residence) and another $90,000 was used for updates to the church. The archdiocese’s internal auditor, Mike Duffy, later told the Post-Dispatch that about $100,000 was for rectory improvements, and $70,000 was for heating and cooling for the church.
Walter Korte, a former St. Anthony’s parishioner and friend of Zacheis’, said he was “totally disappointed” in the meeting because of the “personal attacks” on the priest by angry parishioners.
“I went there for a healing service, and I felt like I’d walked into a crucifixion,” Korte said. “Some of us are grateful he’s in our lives. I had no idea what that meeting would turn into.”
Kilo said Zacheis “has many supporters and he’s done a lot of good for the parish. He engaged in capital improvements and helped the parish out financially.”
The archdiocese said Zacheis’ primary residence since leaving St. Anthony’s is Regina Cleri, a home for retired priests on its Shrewsbury campus. Recently, he has been living at Rochester Treatment Center for Clergy and Male Religious in Minnesota. A woman who answered the telephone at the treatment facility Thursday said Zacheis had checked out that morning, and did not know whether he would be returning.
Former St. Louis Archbishop Raymond Burke assigned Zacheis, 63, to St. Anthony’s in 2005 after a stormy 17-month assignment at St. Alban Roe in Wildwood that ended in the priest’s resignation.
The first two years of Zacheis’ tenure at St. Anthony’s were excluded from any criminal investigation because a three-year statute of limitations on theft meant police could investigate only back to early 2007, Parks said.
….
Members of the parish also raised questions about church petty cash and a credit card used to pay expenses at Lake of the Ozarks.
“Parishioners have no proof of where their money is going, but I can pretty much guarantee no one donated money for (Zacheis) to go have a good time at the lake,” Emily said.
The archdiocese’s audit details disbursements from a petty-cash checking account and a building-fund checking account, some of which went to payments for Zacheis’ waterfront home at the Lake of the Ozarks, including personal property taxes on his 26-foot PlayCraft tritoon boat.
Other items from the audit include church credit card payments to a variety of retailers and services in Lake Ozark and Osage Beach, Mo., including at the Horny Toad Bar & Grill at the Camden on the Lake resort, just across Workmen Hollow Cove from the priest’s Horseshoe Bend lake house.
The audit lists credit card expenditures from Lake of the Ozarks retailers such as Target, Home Depot, Lowe’s, Hy-Vee Foods and Sam’s Club; restaurants from McDonald’s to high-end lake spots like the Blue Heron and Bentley’s; and numerous clothing stores such as Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister and American Eagle Outfitter.
It also lists hundreds of dollars in credit card and bank late fees, overdraft fees and finance charges.
Carlson told St. Anthony’s parishioners Wednesday that the archdiocese had notified civil authorities of financial discrepancies in two other cases recently, neither of which involved Zacheis.
The first involved about $40,000 missing at the Cathedral Basilica. The second involved “improper documentation” of expenditures by an outside vendor working on three construction projects for three different parishes and $95,000 missing, according to Duffy.
Have you ever wondered how Christianity sounds to people not initiated in “Christianese” — the special language Christians use to talk to one another about their faith? Evangelicals, in particular, have a complex vocabulary of words that only they use. When people unfamiliar with Evangelical Christianity hear or read these words they often scratch their heads and say, huh? As my wife and I travel the rural roads of Northwest Ohio, we come across church signs with all sorts of silly, stupid clichés. If the goal is to convey a certain message to unbelieving passersby, churches are miserably failing. Instead of using words that are easily understood by everyone, Evangelicals use code words or buzz words to get their message out. Christians will understand what they mean, but unbelievers won’t. Perhaps the real purpose of church signs is to say to Christian passersby, Hey, we are on your team! Praise Jesus!
The Dictionary of Christianese website has a list of jargon and clichés used by Christians to converse with one another. I have reproduced some of their list below, along with other words that came to mind as I was writing this post.
10/40 Window
A going church for a coming savior
Agape love
Anointed
Apostate
Armor-bearer
Ask Jesus into your heart
At home with the Lord
Baby Christian
Backslider
Baptized with the Spirit
Bible belt
Body of Christ
Born again
But for the grace of God, there go I
Calminian
Carpet time
Cheap grace
Child of God
Child of Satan
Christianity is a relationship, not a religion
Covet prayers
Divine appointment
Drive-by evangelism
Evangelistically speaking
Everything happens for a reason
Family of God
Feel God’s presence
Filled with the Holy Ghost
Fire insurance
Food, fun, and fellowship
Friendliest church in town
Friendship evangelism
Frozen chosen
Give your life to Jesus
God is a perfect gentleman
God is good all the time
God is in our midst
God is my co-pilot
God never gives us more than we can handle
Godly Woman/Man
God’s in this place
Going out into the highways and hedges
Have you been in the Word
Have you talked to Jesus today
Heart for God
Hedge of protection
I see that hand
Is God speaking to your heart
Jesus is coming again
Jesus junk
Jesus loves you
Justified/Justification
Keep Christ in Christmas
Lie from the pit of Hell
Life verse
Living by faith
Lord willing
Lost
Love the sinner, hate the sin
Lukewarm Christian
Missional
Missionary Kid
Name it, claim it
New life in Christ
Not inspired version (NIV)
On fire Christian
Only one life, t’will soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last
Praise report
Prayed up
Prayer breakfast
Preacher boy
Proverbs 31 woman
Put on the armor of God
Putting out a fleece
Reaching the lost
Redeemed by the blood
Redeem the time
Redeemed
Red-letter Christian
Reprobate
Saved by the blood
Sanctified
Sawdust trail
Saved
Sinner’s prayer
Smoking hot wife
Soulwinning
Speak the truth in love
Spirit led
Spiritual birthday
Spiritual warfare
Sword drill
Thank you for the blood
The blood, the book, and the blessed hope
The Holy Spirit is moving
The Lord has placed it on my heart
There’s power in the blood of the lamb
This is between you and God
Transformed life
Traveling mercies
TULIP (the five points of Calvinism)
Turned over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh
Under the blood
Unspoken prayer request
Walk with the Lord
Washed in/by the blood
Which dog are you feeding
Word from the Lord
Worldling
WWJD
You take the first step and God will help you take the rest
I could add more words, but I thought I would let readers add their own words in the comment section. What Christian jargon and clichés should be added to this list?
I frequently use Christianese in my writing because I know it is an effective way to communicate with doubting Evangelicals. When terms such as the ones above are used, those of us who used to be Evangelicals know exactly what someone is trying to say. Unbelievers, on the other hand, don’t understand these words. Bought by the blood? Who is blood, and who or what did he buy? Washed in the blood? Eww, gross. Justified? Left, center, right, or full? Do you believe in TULIP? What color? the Holy Spirit is moving! Was he constipated? Name it, claim it! Cool, BMW, please with a smoking hot wife!
When I was invited to discuss atheism on “The O’Reilly Factor” four years ago, I initially wanted to turn it down. However, I ultimately realized it was a chance to show Fox News viewers a different side of atheism on a network where atheists are usually talked about rather than with.
It was December, so former Fox News host Bill O’Reilly attempted to paint atheists as bitter anti-religion Grinches on a mission to take Christmas away. I pushed back, emphasizing the value of the separation of church and state as well as atheists’ contributions to the public conversation on religion and ethics.
In an environment that rewards anger and sound bites, I attempted to humanize my community — one of the most negatively viewed in the country. Afterward, strangers from around the country messaged me to say the conversation helped them rethink their views on atheists.
But the chatter online took a different, but sadly familiar, tone.
A number of prominent atheist bloggers criticized my interview, saying I was awful and suggesting I was allying with O’Reilly. The comments were worse. Anonymous posters ridiculed me, saying I should decline future television invitations because I was too “effeminate,” my physical appearance made atheists seem “like freaks” and my “obvious homosexuality” made me an ineffectual voice for atheists.
I had started an atheist blog almost a decade ago to explore the role of the nonreligious in interfaith dialogue. I went on to write for bigger platforms and appear on CNN and MSNBC to defend atheists against our detractors. But even as I spoke up for atheists, a subset of the community attacked me and my work, including a book I wrote about atheism and interfaith activism. There were some legitimate critiques, and I’m grateful for how they challenged me and helped me rethink some of my ideas, but others were petty and vindictive.
One of my most frequent online critics — who posted defamatory and false accusations about me — taunted me in ways that reminded me of the playground bullies who attacked me for being queer. He and his supporters frequently called me wimpy, weak, feeble and pearl-clutching, and characterized my work as “tinkerbellism.” When we faced off in a debate sponsored by humanist groups in Australia, he (hilariously) told me that I “sucked.”
Other bloggers went further, writing posts attacking my personal life; one went after my mother directly. (The author of that post later apologized, thankfully.) While most posts and comments were merely cruel insults, I was also threatened with violence and received death threats.
I was far from the only one targeted. A lot of online discourse can turn vitriolic, but writing on atheism seems particularly so. A study on Reddit found that its atheist forum, probably the largest collection of atheists on the Internet, was the third most toxic and bigoted on the entire site.
I’ve watched as many of the activists and writers I respect most in atheism — especially women and people of color — have left the movement, each expressing (privately, if not publicly) that the state of the discourse among atheists was one of the primary reasons they were leaving.
Beyond the nastiness directed at me, I was even more frustrated with the ways the atheist movement, especially online, has resisted efforts to address racism, sexism and xenophobia among our own.
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I also felt a gnawing sense of smallness during my years as an atheist writer, exhausted with having to represent a singular identity. When I appeared on “The O’Reilly Factor,” the chyron that appeared below me read, “CHRIS STEDMAN, ATHEIST.” My friends and I had a good laugh about it, but it represented a bigger problem: to be understood as an atheist, I was often asked to reduce myself to just that.
This is a broad problem. When members of misunderstood communities challenge the stigmas placed upon them, we’re often tokenized and flattened out. Our culture is uncomfortable with people possessing a complex mix of identities, so we try to reduce them to the most digestible version of those identities. This feels especially true online.