Tag Archive: Sex

Is Saving a Horse by Riding a Cowboy a Sin?

save a horse ride a cowboy

Some Evangelicals believe that women should be submissive in every way, including during sex.  For these Neanderthals, the missionary position is the proper, God-approved way to engage in sexual intercourse. No oral sex, no anal sex, no trying out the Kama Sutra, and most certainly no woman on top sexual intercourse. Why? Because when the woman is on top she is in a position of dominance and control. Can’t have that.  Thus, to answer the question posed in the post title: it is indeed a sin to save a horse by riding a cowboy.

Video Link

The “Loving” Christian God Orders the Homicidal Slaughter of Men, Women, and Little Children

dan barker quote bloodthirsty god

Warning! Loads of snark ahead You have been forewarned!

Believing the Bible is the inspired, inerrant, infallible, historically accurate Words of God, requires Evangelical literalists to defend all sorts of violence and barbarity. According to Genesis — the book of beginnings — the Christian God became angry with the human inhabitants of earth and decided to kill all of them, save an old man, his wife, sons, and daughters-in-law — eight in all, out of the millions of people who inhabited our planet at the time. Not only did God plan to kill everyone, he planned to end their lives by holding their heads under water until they drowned. And what did Noah and his little remnant do while God was busy permanently baptizing millions of people? They safely lived in a boat house designed and built by Ken Ham himself. This boat is on display in Kentucky, as is Ken Ham, the oldest living Neanderthal on the face of the earth.

At the appointed time, God opened up the windows of the first heaven — according to the Bible, there are three heavens — and it began to rain. For forty days and forty nights, it rained, until the earth was covered to its highest mountaintop with water. Millions of men, women, children, and fetuses died in the flood, along with countless land animals. Why did God do this? Why did God slaughter virtually every living thing?

According to Genesis 6, there were a couple of reasons for God’s homicidal rage:

  • Women were having sex with fallen angels and bearing them children. These hybrid children became giants in the land, mighty men of renown.
  • Humankind was continually wicked, and their thoughts were evil.

carrie-mathison-god

In other words, humans were having sex and not living according to God’s moral code. The events described in Genesis occurred before God gave the Ten Commandments to Moses, so a fair question to ask is this: what moral code were humans expected to follow and obey? Did God hand out a mimeographed list titled, Rules and Regulations for Living with a Homicidal Deity? If people were going to be permanently waterboarded, it sure would be nice to know exactly what they did to piss off God. Surely, having sex and partying a bit too much is not reason enough to kill innocent children and unborn fetuses. Perhaps what we really have here is a Carrie Mathison (played by Claire Danes) — from the HBO hit show Homeland — problem. Carrie is bipolar, and when she goes off her meds, well, she can do some pretty crazy stuff. Perhaps, then, God was off his meds when he decided to enact his version of the final solution. Here’s the thing, though, God had one hundred twenty years between the time Noah began to build the boat and the onset of the flood to change his mind or get back on his meds and act like a responsible, thoughtful deity. Instead, God let his anger seethe for three generations. Talk about someone not moving on in life!

Ezekiel 8 and 9 show that God failed his anger management class. After God washed the earth clean from humanity’s collective stain, the eight people who survived went right back to their human ways — having sex (often incestuous) and birthing babies. And quicker than Mel Gibson can say something anti-Semitic, humans yet again offended God. Damn those humans, and their sinning ways. If only their creator had created them without the capacity to sin. But, what fun would and Ken and Barbie be if you couldn’t take their clothes off and turn them loose at the Playboy Mansion? Not much. Having sex and pissing off God is what we humans do. You think he would understand this by now, but I have read the book of Revelation, and God plans to, one last time, punish people for being human. And this time, the only people left will be those who spent their lives brown-nosing God and massaging his out-sized ego. These “saints” will spend eternity prostrating themselves before God and praising his name. Sound like fun to you? Nope me neither. Give me hell every time!

We are not told in Ezekiel 9 exactly what the Israelites did to anger God. The Bible speaks of them committing abominations and filling the land with violence. God, as someone who has never taken responsibility for his actions — an ancient Donald Trump — blamed the Israelites for provoking him to wrath. There’s that anger again. Christians say their deity is a God of love, kindness, mercy, and compassion, but it seems to me that this God sure spends a lot of time violently angry.

As God does many times in the Old and New Testaments, he decides in Ezekiel 9 that it is time to kill a bunch of people. God reminds me of a serial killer who periodically needs to spill blood. This time, God had six men armed with slaughter weapons (AK47s or AR15s?) go through the city and slaughter everyone — men, women, children, and fetuses — who wasn’t sorry for being bad humans.

The Bible says:

Then he said unto me, Hast thou seen this, O son of man? Is it a light thing to the house of Judah that they commit the abominations which they commit here? for they have filled the land with violence, and have returned to provoke me to anger: and, lo, they put the branch to their nose.

Therefore will I also deal in fury: mine eye shall not spare, neither will I have pity: and though they cry in mine ears with a loud voice, yet will I not hear them.

He cried also in mine ears with a loud voice, saying, Cause them that have charge over the city to draw near, even every man with his destroying weapon in his hand.

…..

And the Lord said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst thereof.

And to the others he said in mine hearing, Go ye after him through the city, and smite: let not your eye spare, neither have ye pity:

Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women: but come not near any man upon whom is the mark; and begin at my sanctuary. Then they began at the ancient men which were before the house.

And he said unto them, Defile the house, and fill the courts with the slain: go ye forth. And they went forth, and slew in the city.

….

I gotta ask, exactly what did little children do to deserve such a violent, bloody end? Back in the days of Moses and the wanderings Jews, God at least let everyone under the age of twenty live and make it to the Promised Land. God didn’t hold children accountable for the sins of their parents and adult family members. In Ezekiel 9 however, God kills everyone who isn’t contrite over their sins — including little children. What an awesome, wonderful God Christians worship and serve. I hope they are aware of his LinkedIn page. He has a murderous past. He might, yet again, take to killing to remind people that he is the Kim Jong-un of all the earth. Beware, Christians, your God might poison you if you get on his bad side. And believe me, according to the inspired, inerrant, infallible Bible, the Christian God is one mean son-of-a-bitch.

The answer, of course, is for Evangelicals to realize that the Bible is not what they claim it is; that, at best, it is an ancient booked filled will morality plays and stories meant to show how the writers of the Biblical books understood their world. Can you imagine the OMG moment the writer of Genesis would have if he were alive today? It’s a fictional story, people, no different from Harry Potter, he might say. I never really meant for you to believe this shit is real!

I’ll let the heretic and former Fundamentalist pastor Rob Bell dot the “i” and cross the “t” of this post:

Video Link

Oh, that Christians would read the Bible as Bell suggests. Imagine how different the world would be without a homicidal God always on the prowl, looking to violently end the lives of people who cross him or fail to exactly do what he commands.

About Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Gerencser, 60, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 39 years. He and his wife have six grown children and eleven grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.

Bruce is a local photography business owner, operating Defiance County Photo out of his home. If you live in Northwest Ohio and would like to hire Bruce, please email him.

Thank you for reading this post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. If you are a first-time commenter, please read the commenting policy before wowing readers with your words. All first-time comments are moderated. If you would like to contact Bruce directly, please use the contact form to do so.

Donations are always appreciated. Donations on a monthly basis can be made through Patreon. One-time donations can be made through PayPal.

Black Collar Crime: Protestant Navy Chaplain Loften Thornton Videotaped Having Sex Outside of Bar

loften thornton

The Black Collar Crime Series relies on public news stories and publicly available information for its content. If any incorrect information is found, please contact Bruce Gerencser. Nothing in this post should be construed as an accusation of guilt. Those accused of crimes are innocent until proven guilty.

Loften Thornton, a Protestant Navy chaplain, was recently videotaped having consensual sex with a woman outside of a New Orleans bar.

Ramon Vargas, a reporter for The New Orleans Advocate, writes:

New Orleans may have a libertine reputation, but what happened last month just outside the Crown & Anchor bar in Algiers Point was too much for owner Neil Timms.

Right in plain view of his surveillance camera, he said, a Navy chaplain, Capt. Loften Thornton, and his female companion were having sex.

“It was the fact that it was a chaplain and it was in public” that upset him, Timms said.

So he handed over video of the tryst to authorities at the nearby Marine Forces Reserve base in Algiers. The chaplain was fired a few days later, officials said.

According to Timms, he’d met Thornton a couple of times before at the British-themed Crown & Anchor and understood he was a chaplain at the Marine Forces Reserve base about a mile away in Federal City.

Timms said people at the bar noticed Thornton and a woman slip outside of the bar on Pelican Avenue together on March 15. Somebody in the bar walked around the corner, saw Thornton and the woman having sex, and asked them to stop, which they did, Timms said.

Timms said he reviewed his security video, realized the act had been recorded and notified the Federal City base. He said he believed the encounter was consensual but was still alarmed that it involved a military chaplain.

In a statement Wednesday, the Corps said that Lt. Gen. Rex McMillian, the Marine Forces Reserve commander, fired Thornton on March 20 “due to a loss of trust and confidence.” The statement did not specify what triggered the dismissal, citing an ongoing investigation.

A report Wednesday in USA Today, however, cited two anonymous Department of Defense sources who said authorities “were examining” footage showing Thornton having sex with a woman outside the Crown & Anchor, which is popular with members of the military in New Orleans, especially on the west bank.

Attempts to contact Thornton on Wednesday were unsuccessful.

Thornton became a Navy chaplain in 1992, according to USA Today. Officials said he is a Protestant chaplain.

….

Songs of Sacrilege: Heaven by Julia Michaels

julia michaels

This is the one hundred seventieth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Heaven by Julia Michaels.

Video Link

Lyrics

Ooooh… ooooh…
Oooooh…

Love’s my religion
But he was my faith
Something so sacred
So hard to replace
Fallin’ for him was like fallin’ from grace
All wrapped in one
He was so many sins
Would have done anything
Everything for him
And if you ask me
I would do it again

No need to imagine
‘Cause I know it’s true
They say all good boys go to Heaven
But bad boys bring Heaven to you
It’s automatic
It’s just what they do
They say all good boys go to Heaven
But bad boys bring Heaven to you

You don’t realise the power they have
Until they leave you and you want them back
Nothing in this world prepares you for that
I’m not a sinner;
He wasn’t the one
Had no idea what we would become
There’s no regrets
I just thought it was fun

No need to imagine
‘Cause I know it’s true
They say all good boys go to Heaven
But bad boys bring Heaven to you
It’s automatic
It’s just what they do
They say all good boys go to Heaven
But bad boys bring Heaven to you

I still remember the moment we met
The touch that he planted
The garden he left
I guess the rain was just half that effect

No need to imagine
‘Cause I know it’s true
They say all good boys go to Heaven
But bad boys bring Heaven to you
It’s automatic
It’s just what they do
They say all good boys go to Heaven
But bad boys bring Heaven to you

Ooooh… ooooh…
Oooooh…

Songs of Sacrilege: Resurrection by Erection by Powerwolf

powerwolf

This is the one hundred sixty-seventh installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Songs of Sacrilege is Resurrection by Erection by Powerwolf.

Warning! This song contains sexually graphic lyrics.

Video Link

Lyrics

When purgatory’s waiting
And the girl immaculate
The highest of commandments dictates to copulate
No grave is animated, you’re buried all alone
So let her work a wonder
And wake your flesh and bone

Resurrection by erection
Raise you phallus to the sky and you never die
It’s resurrection by erection
Raise your bone up to the sky and you never gonna die
Hallelujah, resurrection

The funeral is calling
The mortuary blow
Between my legs I’m waking
I rise from down below
Why do you think believer
God gave you carnal lust
So pray to get a hard on
Before we turn to dust

Resurrection by erection
Raise you phallus to the sky and you never die
It’s resurrection by erection
When you wake up from the dead, and the angels give a head
Hallelujah, resurrection

(Resurrection!)

(Resurrection!)

(Resurrection!)
Now I want my resurrection
Oh, I long for resurrection
All I want is resurrection now

(Resurrection!) Nooooooooooowww!

The devil and the maiden
Prepare for going wild
The new messiah calling
The purgatory child
Before my flesh is fading
The virgin has a turn
The third of days we’re climbing the point of no return

Resurrection (Resurrection) by erection (by erection)
Raise you phallus to the sky and you never die
It’s resurrection (resurrection) by erection (by erection)
Raise your bone up to the sky and you never gonna die
Hallelujah, resurrection

The Sounds of Fundamentalism: Evangelical Beckah Shae Turns Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You” Into a “Worship” Song

beckah shae

This is the one hundred and sixty-seventh installment in The Sounds of Fundamentalism series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a video clip that shows the crazy, cantankerous, or contradictory side of Evangelical Christianity, please send me an email with the name or link to the video. Please do not leave suggestions in the comment section.  Let’s have some fun!

Today’s Sound of Fundamentalism is a video clip of a Christian artist Beckah Shae singing a reworded version of Ed Sheeran’s song, Shape of You.

Video Link

Here’s the Ed Sheeran’s version of Shape of You.

Video Link

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
The club isn’t the best place to find a lover
So the bar is where I go
Me and my friends at the table doing shots
Drinking fast and then we talk slow
And you come over and start up a conversation with just me
And trust me I’ll give it a chance now
Take my hand, stop, put Van the Man on the jukebox
And then we start to dance, and now I’m singing like

[Pre-Chorus]
Girl, you know I want your love
Your love was handmade for somebody like me
Come on now, follow my lead
I may be crazy, don’t mind me
Say, boy, let’s not talk too much
Grab on my waist and put that body on me
Come on now, follow my lead
Come, come on now, follow my lead

[Chorus]
I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bed sheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I’m in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with the shape of you

[Verse 2]
One week in we let the story begin
We’re going out on our first date
You and me are thrifty, so go all you can eat
Fill up your bag and I fill up a plate
We talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour
And how your family is doing okay
Leave and get in a taxi, then kiss in the backseat
Tell the driver make the radio play, and I’m singing like

[Pre-Chorus]
Girl, you know I want your love
Your love was handmade for somebody like me
Come on now, follow my lead
I may be crazy, don’t mind me
Say, boy, let’s not talk too much
Grab on my waist and put that body on me
Come on now, follow my lead
Come, come on now, follow my lead

[Chorus]
I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bed sheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I’m in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I’m in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with the shape of you

[Bridge]
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on

[Chorus]
I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body
Last night you were in my room
And now my bed sheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with your body
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
I’m in love with your body
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
I’m in love with your body
Come on, be my baby, come on
Come on, be my baby, come on
I’m in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I’m in love with the shape of you

HT: Pulpit & Pen

Pastor Ben Godwin Blames the Free Love Generation for Spate of Sexual Harassment Claims

free love generation

According to Ben Godwin, Baby Boomers — the free love generation — are to blame for rampant sexual immorality and sexual harassment. Evidently, by having sex before marriage in the 1960s and 1970s, we set into motion a societal revolution that has led to widespread fucking without the benefit of marriage. Worse yet, according to Godwin, Baby Boomers are to blame for — perish the thought — LGBTQ people having sex too.

Godwin, pastor of Goodsprings Full Gospel Church in Jasper, Alabama, wrote:

Sadly, the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s is still producing rotten fruit. Generations with no moral compass or restraint have sown to the wind and now we are reaping the whirlwind (Hos. 8:7). Many who have sown their wild oats are praying for crop failure, but an inescapable law is set in motion—”Be not deceived. God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life” (Gal. 6:7-8). Hollywood is partly to blame for this tsunami of immorality. The entertainment industry vomits a steady stream of sexually graphic TV shows and movies that portray women as sex objects. Pornography flows like an open sewer on the internet, and we wonder why sexual assaults and date rape are rampant on college campuses and in society. What do we expect? We, as a nation, have rejected God’s Word, which provides proper boundaries for sexual conduct. We now live in an “anything goes” society.

The Bible is crystal-clear about sexual behavior—”Marriage is honorable among everyone, and the bed undefiled. But God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers” (Heb. 13:4). “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality” (1 Thess. 4:3). It is inappropriate to touch anyone in a sexual way except your legal spouse. Though our sick society says otherwise, adultery, fornication, incest, homosexuality, rape, prostitution, pornography and pedophilia are all still forbidden (Lev. 18:6-26, 19:29; Deut. 22:25; Matt. 5:27-28; Eph. 5:3). Sex, like a fireplace, is a wonderful benefit to enjoy in its proper setting, but if the flames get outside the hearth, they will burn your house down.

There’s an intriguing account of sexual harassment in Genesis, but it’s opposite of the usual way. Instead of a man pushing for sex, it was a woman. Potiphar’s sensual wife held all the cards in this scenario. (While men have taken most of the hits in the media lately, reports abound of male and female leaders alike who abuse their positions and seduce their subordinates.) After Potiphar promoted Joseph from a slave to the steward of his household, his wife “began to look at him lustfully. ‘Come and sleep with me,’ she demanded” (Gen. 39:7, NLT). Genesis 39:10 indicates that this was not a one-time occasion, but she tried to entice Joseph daily. When he repeatedly rebuffed her advances, she falsely accused him of rape and had him arrested. Later, God exonerated and exalted him from the prison to the palace due to his integrity. Joseph never compromised even in the face of torrid temptation; a lesson for us all.

Sexual harassment of women has been front page news in recent months, and Godwin blames Baby Boomers for that too. If we had just stuck to smoking marijuana, racing muscle cars, and listening to the White Album, why who knows how much better the good, old U.S. of A. would be. But no, Baby Boomers wouldn’t keep their bell-bottom jeans zipped up, nor could they keep from tossing their mini-skirts aside for late night sexual romps in the back seat of cars.

Here’s why the good pastor is full of shit. While it is certainly true that Baby Boomers did their fair share of screwing around, so did previous generations. As long as teens and young adults have raging hormones, sexual intercourse is going to be a normal part of their lives. Surely Godwin is not stupid enough to believe that before the 60s, unmarrieds — be they straight, bi, or gay — were not having premarital sex and were living according to the anti-human sexual dictates of the Christian Bible. The only difference between the 1940s and the 1970s is that birth control was widely available in the 1970s and the free love generation was more willing to talk about their sexual escapades.  And even among youth imprisoned in Fundamentalist churches, there was plenty of fooling around going on.

Typical of Evangelical preachers, Godwin is looking for someone to blame for the decline of American Christianity and Western Civilization.  Who better to blame than the first generation of young adults to openly and defiantly question their parents’ Christian worldview; the first generation to openly challenge pastors and their pronouncements about morality; the first generation to openly wonder whether the Christian God was real. So, from Godwin’s pew, it sure looks like I just proved his point; that Baby Boomers are to blame for what he perceives to be the moral decline of American society. However, what the rock-and-roll generation really did was make it okay to openly question beliefs, values, morality, and ethics. We were no longer willing to sit quietly by while our parents and grandparents told us what to believe. This has led to the increasing secularization of our society and progressive social values, and to perhaps the greatest gift Baby Boomers have given to their children and grandchildren. A new world lies ahead, that is if Baby Boomer Donald Trump doesn’t destroy the world with a nuclear war first.

About Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Gerencser, 60, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 39 years. He and his wife have six grown children and eleven grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.

Bruce is a local photography business owner, operating Defiance County Photo out of his home. If you live in Northwest Ohio and would like to hire Bruce, please email him.

Thank you for reading this post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. If you are a first-time commenter, please read the commenting policy before wowing readers with your words. All first-time comments are moderated. If you would like to contact Bruce directly, please use the contact form to do so.

Donations are always appreciated. Donations on a monthly basis can be made through Patreon. One-time donations can be made through PayPal.

Why Can’t the Clergy Keep Their Noses Out of Our Genitalia?

guest post

Guest post by Elliot George

Religious people often seem to be unhealthily fixated on sex and have a desire to interfere with how everybody else does it! This prompts lots of questions that need answering: Why is virginity so highly prized?

Why is celibacy considered to be ‘pure’?

Why is masturbation considered to be shameful?

Why is homosexuality abhorred?

Why are women treated like second-class citizens?

Why do we have marriage?

Why is infidelity (adultery) unacceptable?

Why is divorce considered to be unacceptable?

What has any of this got to do with ‘god’ and his Earthly agents?

This is going to take more than one article to analyze and there’s little real evidence available to help us answer these questions so, unusually for this blog, what follows will be mostly reasonable speculation. Let’s start with virginity…

There is a very good biological reason to prefer having sex with a virgin, it is this: minimal risk of infection by a sexually transmitted disease. The opposite of virginity, promiscuity, is great for spreading pathogens via the sexual fluids. Historically, the clients of prostitutes could be observed falling ill with the same symptoms, so this undeniable correspondence is likely to have given rise to, in the minds of those who knew nothing about microbial infection, the idea of ‘virginal purity’ or ‘cleanliness’. Similarly, celibacy also safeguards against venereal diseases and could be considered to be another way of achieving a ‘clean’ state, at the cost of not parenting. By corollary, sexual acts came to be thought of as ‘unclean’ and, because everyone was ignorant of the fact that these diseases have to be transmitted, that included masturbation; it became tarred with the ‘dirty’ brush even though you can’t catch a disease from yourself!

Sex coming to be regarded as shameful in this way was a gift for the assorted clergy because their modus operandi consists of first destroying the self-esteem of prospective followers and subsequently offering them forgiveness and salvation, in the form of an ‘afterlife’, in return for donations (payment). Of course, there is no evidence for the promised reward (or the threatened alternative of punishment in ‘hell’), but it was wonderful for preachers to have a ready-made guilt button to press any time they wanted to make their flock subservient! There’s a seemingly obvious connection from ‘clean’ sex to ‘godliness’ and virtue, and it gives a preacher a perennial topic to rant about.

One of the reasons for the decline of religiosity in Western countries over the last fifty years may be because the availability of condoms for preventing contagion and effective antibiotic cures for contracted STDs have taken this weapon away from the priests and pastors. With nothing to fear, the guilt goes away and the message of shame loses its teeth. One of the things that the clergy traditionally told us we needed saving from turned out to have been a paper tiger, so people came to reasonably wonder whether all the other pulpit monsters are fake too!

In the minds of dogmatic seekers of purity, homosexuality adds another level of disgust on top of heterosexual unions. Being a minority practice it’s an easy target for the self-righteous and we all love a scapegoat. Homosexuals have been held responsible for all the disasters of society including drought, war, plague, famine, hurricane, earthquake, volcanic eruption, tsunami and flood. How they are supposed to have caused those events is a question that is not even asked. Recently, a preacher in Phoenix, Arizona [IFB pastor Steven Anderson] laid the blame for AIDs at the feet of gay men and advocated that they should all be killed before Christmas! This is not fake news – there is video evidence, see here.

Yet, the most homophobic preachers are constantly being exposed in flagrante with young boys and the outbreak of priestly pedophilia has changed the face of, once fervently Catholic, Eire (S. Ireland) to such an extent they have elected an openly gay Prime Minister!

Is the sexual fixation of theists finally turning into their nemesis?

Just Remember Girls, No One Ever Got Pregnant Who Didn’t Hold Hands With a Boy First

angry preacher

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (I Corinthians 7:1-2)

The Apostle Paul told the church at Corinth that unmarried men should not touch women. Touch not, want not, right? If men couldn’t contain their sexual desires, then to avoid fornication they were to marry. In other words, marriage was a considered a cure for horniness. Countless Evangelicals have been taught that if they cannot contain their sexual desires — remember masturbation is a sin — then they should seek out someone of the opposite sex to marry. Hey Betty, I am horny. Will you marry me? 

Many Evangelical preachers use I Corinthians 7:1-2 as justification for the Puritanical rules they use to regulate physical contact between unmarried teenagers and young adults. I came of age in the late 1960s and 1970s. I was a member of Trinity Baptist Church in Findlay, Ohio — an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church affiliated with the Baptist Bible Fellowship (BBF). Public displays of affection were forbidden. This prohibition forced church teens to turn to secretive means to show their “love” to their boyfriend or girlfriend. We learned how to hold hands in church or on the church bus so no one could see us. There was something exciting about flaunting the rules, even more so when we spent time necking in out-of-the way church hallways or in the shadows of the parking lot. My favorite necking time was Wednesday evenings when the adults were having choir practice. Church teens were left to their own devices, and many of us used the time to fornication-lite. One girl I dated for a short time told me recently that I was the first boy who kissed her — in the back of the church while the adult choir was practicing Bill Gaither’s song, He Touched Me.

I had many such dalliances, but that is as far as they went. I was a true believer, so I limited my physical intimacy with the opposite sex to hand-holding and kissing. I was one of the few flower children who didn’t get laid before marriage. Conversations in recent years with people who were in the youth group with me have revealed that there was a lot of fucking and sucking going on, but none involving preacher boy Bruce Gerencser. I assumed, at the time, that everyone was on the straight and narrow as I was. I now know that their spirits were willing, but their flesh was weak.

In the fall of 1976, I entered Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan to study for the ministry. A dark-haired beauty by the name of Polly also enrolled for classes. Polly’s goal was to find herself a preacher to marry. I thought of college as being a place of plentiful dating opportunities, and I planned to play the field. I dated a girl by the name of Peggy for several weeks and then turned my romantic interest towards Polly. We quickly hit it off, even though we had little in common. She was a quiet, shy preacher’s daughter. I was a motormouth with a bit of a rebellious streak. Polly would tell me later that she thought of me as her “bad boy.” Polly’s parents saw me as a bad boy too; bad as in not good for their innocent daughter. They spent the next eighteen months trying to discourage our relationship, even going so far as to tell Polly that she couldn’t marry me. A short time after this papal edict, Polly informed her parents that we were going to get married with or without their blessing. This was the first time Polly stood up to her parents.  If my mother-in-law had to sum up her son-in-law in one sentence, I suspect she would say, Bruce is “different” and he ruined our daughter.

Midwestern was an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist institution. Established by Dr. Tom Malone in the 1950s, Midwestern had a strict code of student conduct. Single students were required to live in the dormitory, and every aspect of dorm life was strictly regulated. Students could only date on the weekends and had to double-date. Dating couples were not permitted to touch each other — no hand-holding, kissing, snuggling, or other displays of affection. Keep in mind, most of the dorm students were ages 18-30 — the raging hormones years. And it was the 1970s, the freaking 1970s!

i would rather be fornicating

Single students were expected to keep at least six inches distance from the opposite sex — six inches being the width of a church hymnbook. (Please read Thou Shalt Not Touch: The Six Inch Rule) Breaking the six-inch rule brought severe punishment. Repeated infractions resulted in expulsion. While there were a handful of couples who self-righteously obeyed the letter of the law, most students quickly learned who they could double-date with without getting in trouble for holding hands with or kissing their date. More than a few students rounded third and slid into home, with several girls becoming pregnant — or so it was rumored anyway. Students caught fornicating were immediately expelled from school.

Polly and I married after our sophomore year. A year later, we left Midwestern and moved to Bryan, Ohio — the place of my birth. A few weeks after our move, I became the assistant pastor at Montpelier Baptist Church — a young, growing IFB church. After spending seven months at Montpelier Baptist, I resigned and we moved to the Central Ohio community of Newark. Polly’s dad was the assistant pastor of the Newark Baptist Temple. Her uncle, James Dennis was the pastor.  We joined the Baptist Temple, and when Polly’s father decided to start a new church in nearby Buckeye Lake in 1981, we joined him. I became his pastoral assistant (primarily working with the youth of the church), a position I held until June of 1983.

In July of 1983, I started a new IFB church in Somerset, Ohio — thirty miles south of Newark. I would pastor Somerset Baptist Church until March of 1994. At every stop along my young ministerial career, I was exposed to and worked with men who believed it was a grave sin for unmarried teens and young adults of the opposite sex to touch each other. I carried this belief into my first full-time pastorate. Church teens likely remember Pastor Bruce preaching against all forms of physical/sexual intimacy between unmarried people. I am sure they remember me famously saying — oh how I wish I could forget — “no girl ever got pregnant who didn’t hold hands with a boy first!” (Yes, I really did say this, and I did so many times!)

I viewed hand-holding as a sexual gateway drug. I thought, if I could shame teens and young adults into not touching one another (or touching themselves), then there would be no fornicating going on and no teen pregnancies. I pastored Somerset Baptist for eleven years. During that time, no unmarried church female became pregnant. Does this mean that none of the church unmarrieds was having sex? Of course not. Having talked with a handful of church teens who are now in their 30s and early 40s, I now know that they were lustily ignoring my preaching. I am grateful that there were no unwanted pregnancies that I knew of, though I suspect several girls might have gotten pregnant and secretly had abortions.

Is it any wonder that so many IFB married couples have sexual dysfunction? What in my preaching taught these couples a healthy, scientific, rational view of sex? Nothing that I can think of. Instead, I used guilt and shame in my attempts to get them to conform to an anti-human, irrational view of human sexuality. Thousands of Evangelical preachers continue to preach the Thou Shalt Not Touch gospel to church teenagers. Ironically, these preachers didn’t heed this gospel when they were teens, and they surely have to know that neither will their church teenagers. Hormones, need, and desire win every time. Wouldn’t it be far better to teach church unmarrieds how to own their sexuality, preparing them for the day when they engage in sex for the first time? I know, the Bible says, the Bible says, the Bible says, but Christians have been trying to live by Puritanical beliefs about sex for centuries. How is that working out? Perhaps it is time to shelve the Bible with its archaic sexual prohibitions and embrace a healthy, natural view of sex. Sorry preachers, but everyone IS doing it. You can live in denial all you want, but the fact remains that by age nineteen, seven out of ten teenagers have had sex. And now that people are waiting until their mid-twenties to marry, I can safely say that most of the singles listening to your antiquated sermons have likely engaged in some form of sexual activity.

Were you raised in an Evangelical/IFB church? How did your pastor handle I Corinthians 7:1-2? What do you remember your pastor saying about necking and premarital sex? Did you feel shame and guilt when your pastor preached about sex? Please share your experiences in the comment section.

About Bruce Gerencser

Bruce Gerencser, 60, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 39 years. He and his wife have six grown children and eleven grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. For more information about Bruce, please read the About page.

Bruce is a local photography business owner, operating Defiance County Photo out of his home. If you live in Northwest Ohio and would like to hire Bruce, please email him.

Thank you for reading this post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. If you are a first-time commenter, please read the commenting policy before wowing readers with your words. All first-time comments are moderated. If you would like to contact Bruce directly, please use the contact form to do so.

Donations are always appreciated. Donations on a monthly basis can be made through Patreon. One-time donations can be made through PayPal.

Pastor Shane Idleman Demonstrates How Evangelicals Pick and Choose What to Believe

shane and morgan idleman

Shane and Morgan Idleman

Warning! This post contains snark and cursing. You have been warned. Now ignore this warning and enjoy!

This post could also be titled, Why Pastor Shane Idleman Hates LBGTQ People but Loves Shrimp and Pork Chops.

Evangelicals are fond of saying that they are Bible-believers; that they believe every word of the Protestant Bible is true, straight from the mouth of God. Shane Idleman, pastor of Westside Christian Fellowship in Leona Valley, California, is one such Evangelical. According to Idleman, the Bible is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God. As a sold-out, on-fire, sanctified follower of Jesus, Idleman purports to believe and practice all the teachings of the Bible. However, much like ALL Evangelicals, Idleman is a hypocrite, choosing instead to select some verses to believe, while ignoring others. Evangelicals are what I call Buffet Christians®. Buffets offer all sort of food, giving diners an opportunity to eat foods they like and skip those they don’t like. So it is with Idleman and Company. There are hundreds and hundreds of commands, teachings, laws, and precepts in the Bible. I actually set out one time to write down all the commands found in the Bible. I developed paralysis in my left hand from writing, so much so that I had to stop. This exercise taught me that the commands of God can wear a person out, especially if you take each of them literally and diligently attempt to live your life according to what they say.

Recently, Idleman wrote a post for Charisma News titled 10 Things You Need to Know About the LGBT Agenda. Idleman, as most Evangelical pastors are wont, has an obsession with human sexuality — especially unmarried/LGBTQ people. Idleman has frequent compulsive urges to write and preach about sex, so much so that it makes me wonder about what is hiding in the deepest, darkest corners of his closet. Idleman has convinced himself, along with his disciples, that preaching at/against LGBTQ people is an act of LOVE. That’s right, LOVE! Much like child molesters who convince their victims that being sexually violated is an act of love, Idleman has convinced himself that verbally attacking gays is his way of showing them how much he loves them. Imagine for a moment a husband who beats his wife every day, and when he is finished with his physical assault he smiles and says, Honey, I love you. Absurd, right? So it is when Idleman harangues LGBTQ people. When called out on his hateful speech, Idleman is puzzled. Referencing a recent speaking engagement at a local community college that was protested by gay activists, Idleman wrote “My wife and I were perplexed—when did a message of love become a message of hate? We love the LGBT community….”

In Idleman’s aforementioned post, he lists ten things everyone should know about the LGBTQ agenda. None of his ten things, by the way, mentions civil rights and equal protection under the law, except to deny that such arguments are valid. Idleman’s “loving” solution for same-sex attraction is, in this order: Jesus, non-sexual singleness, or heterosexual marriage. Why? Because the B-I-B-L-E — yes, that’s the book for me — says so. Idleman writes:

3. The Creator made His plan obvious. Jesus said that since the beginning of creation, God created them male and female in order that they would be joined together and become one flesh—to be fruitful and to multiply. He adds, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Males and females were created purposely and are complementary by design.

….

5. There is no scriptural support for homosexuality. Some argue, “The Bible is not an ethical textbook—culture changes and so does truth.” Not so. Not one moral law that God gave is obsolete, from adultery to fornication to homosexuality. Things that were harmful then are harmful now. They are never painted in a positive light. They caused deep pain then as they do now. Some have even suggested that Naomi and Ruth and Jonathan and David had same-sex relationships. This gives the phrase “grasping for the wind” new meaning. This is exegesis in its purest form—reading things into the text that are not there.

Some parents change their view when they find their son or daughter in an LGBT lifestyle; confused, they “accept” the lifestyle, but feelings are not a gauge for truth. Instead, offer hope and remind them that we all struggle with something. If a child sins in the area of anger, infidelity or addiction, we don’t change the Scriptures to fit their behavior; we offer hope in the midst of the struggle. Why should homosexuality or transgenderism be any different? No matter how many laws are passed in favor of gay marriage, it will not change God’s mind. Times change; truth does not.

6. The Bible is crystal-clear on the issue of sexual sin. As a famous teacher once said of the Bible, “If the plain sense makes good sense seek no other sense lest it result in nonsense.” I cringe every time I hear misguided statements in an attempt to support homosexuality, such as misinterpreting “abandoning natural relations” in Romans 1:26-28. Or that the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was only neglecting the poor. Or that Corinthians is outdated and Leviticus is talking about rape. Indeed, neglecting the poor is/was a sin, but it was not the only sin. In addition to rampant homosexuality, they were drunkards, gluttons, covetous, profane and wicked. The context of Sodom and Gomorrah’s destruction was much more than neglecting the poor: “they were haughty and committed abominations.” (See Ezekiel 16 and Jude 1:5-8.) Additionally, early church fathers, as well as creeds and confessions and Reformers, all echoed the same truth.

Idleman appeals to the Bible (and history) as his final authority. God has spoken, now shut the hell up and get back to having Evangelical-approved, missionary-position, married heterosexual intercourse that hopefully brings a lot of new potential Christians into the world.  According to Idleman’s bio:

Today, as we continually drift away in a current of moral decline and relativism, many believe that the battle is too advanced and that we cannot make a difference. Shane, however, believes that we can, and offers his books as contributions to that commitment. He stresses: “If we encourage truth, yet fail to relate to our culture, the church can seem formal and dead. This fact fuels the postmodern movement. But when truth is sacrificed for the sake of relating to the culture, as we see today, the very foundation is destroyed. Truth, the foundational beliefs clearly outlined in Scripture, must remain unmoved and unchanged. Times change, but truth does not!” (emphasis mine)

The “foundational beliefs clearly outlined in Scripture, must remain unmoved and unchanged. Times change, but truth does not!” Sounds like Idleman is a committed, true-blue, one hundred percent Jesus-all-the-time Bible believer. Yet, right after saying the unalterable, eternal, unchanging Bible condemns adultery/fornication/homosexuality, Idleman writes:

7. God can advise against eating shellfish as well as homosexuality. Although the dietary laws of the Old Testament do not apply today, they are still beneficial. For example, we now know why things like pork and shellfish were forbidden—they are unhealthy. God’s wisdom is sound and purposeful in guiding relationships as well.

Idleman says the dietary laws found in the Bible DO NOT APPLY TODAY!  Shades of outrage, man! Is Idleman saying that some parts of the Bible are no longer applicable (binding, in force)? I thought the big man upstairs said, I am the Lord Thy God and I change not. I thought the Bible said of Jesus — who is also the big man upstairs (figure that one out) — that he was the SAME yesterday, today, and forever. I thought Jesus said in Matthew 5:17,18:

Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

Have the heavens and earth passed away? Has Jesus returned to earth and made a new heaven and earth? No! So this means that God’s law — all of it — is still valid and in force. This means that Pastor Shane Idleman, along with all of his Evangelical colleagues, are double-minded hypocrites. And we all know what the Bible says about double-mindedness: A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways (James 1:8)

Shane Idleman despises LGBTQ people, despite saying otherwise. His behavior tells the truth about the man. Idleman is preoccupied with who does it with whom, when, where, why, and how. This makes me wonder if Idleman is afflicted with a malady commonly found among the species Evangelicus preacherus homoerectcus — sex addiction. Evangelical men, taught that women are Jezebel’s out to fuck them, are known for being unable to withstand even the slightest bit of exposure to female flesh. Let a woman’s cleavage, legs, or erect nipples show, and Evangelical men are reduced to dogs running wild, sniffing for bitches in heat. These poor weak and helpless men, already aroused by worldly slutty women, can’t even surf the world-wide web without being accosted by scantily (boner-producing) clad women.

Instead of owning their sexuality and acting like normal, healthy humans, Evangelical men such as the good pastor, condemn, attack, and rail against those who “cause” them to lust. Perhaps Idleman should practice — in totality — the teachings of Jesus; you know the verified words of the son of God found in red in the Bible. Jesus told his lustful followers how to cure their horniness:

Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire. (Matthew 18:8,9)

Have a problem with lust? Pluck out your eye. Still have a problem with lust? Pluck out your other eye. Have a problem with masturbation? Cut off your hand. Have a problem typing youporn.com (I did not make this a link lest any of the Idlemans of the world reading this post be tempted to click, look, and masturbate) into your internet browser? Cut off your other hand. Why not take Jesus’ words to their logical conclusion? Have a problem with anything related to sex? Cut off your penis. Still have lustful thoughts? Get a lobotomy. How far are you willing to go to show your loving devotion and commitment to Jesus?

Idleman hates the very idea of LGBTQ people having sex because the very idea of man-on-man sex disgusts him. Many gay haters loathe the very thought of two men doing it (though far fewer of them have the same loathing for woman-on-woman sex). Other gay haters preach against homosexuality, same-sex marriage, and the LGBTQ agenda, because, — deep down in their heart-of-hearts where the Holy Spirit supposedly lives — they have gay inclinations — à la Ted Haggard. Instead of admitting and acting upon their same-sex/bisexual attractions, Evangelical men of God holler and scream, hoping to use their sermons and blog posts as distractions from the real issue — their unBiblical sexuality

I have no idea what Shane Idleman is or isn’t sexually. I do know, however, that he is a buffet Christian, choosing what Bible verses to believe and not believe. Another word for this behavior is hypocrite. If Idleman can pick and choose which verses to believe, why can’t the rest of us?

Christians Say the Darnedest Things: John Piper Compares the Pleasure of Sexual Intercourse to Child Eating Ice Cream

ice cream

The most exquisite sexual ecstasies in this age are like a child’s enjoyment of ice cream. There is as much distance between sexual pleasures in this world and the ecstasies of the spiritual body in the age to come as there is between a child’s enjoyment of ice cream and the pleasures of his marriage bed twenty years later.

Childlike ice-cream pleasures are prelude and pointer to adult sexual pleasure. Similarly, sexual pleasure in this age is prelude and pointer to unimaginably greater pleasures of the spiritual body in the age to come.

— John Piper, Desiring God,  Matrimony No More, October 9, 2017

Songs of Sacrilege: Baptize Me from The Book of Mormon

book of mormon

This is the one hundred and forty-sixth installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Baptize Me from The Book of Mormon.

Video Link

Lyrics

ELDER MCKINLEY:

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Well, then, would you like to baptize me?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Pbbbt, sure, yea, that’d be great

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Okay, let’s do it

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
What you mean…now?

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Why not?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Well, to be honest, I’ve never done it before

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
That’s okay, neither have I

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Yes, that’s true

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Do you know…how to baptize someone into the church?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Sure, that’s something that we study over and over again at Mission Control Center

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Then please, Elder Cunningham, I want to be baptized. I swear to dedicate my life to the church

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Huh, okay, I just need a second to get ready

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
Okay, I will get ready, too

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I’m about to do it for the first time
And I’m gonna do it with a girl!
A special girl
Who makes my heart kind of flutter
Makes my eyes kind of blur
I can’t believe I’m about
To baptize her

[NABULUNGI]
He will baptize me
He will hold me in his arms
And he will baptize me
Right in front of everyone
And it will set me free
When he looks into my eyes
And he sees just how much
I love being baptized

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I’m gonna baptize her

[NABULUNGI]
Baptize me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
Bathe her in God’s glory!
And I will baptize her

[NABULUNGI]
I’m ready

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
With everything I got
And I’ll make her beg for more

[NABULUNGI]
Oooh

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
As I wash her free of sin
And it’ll be so good
She’ll want me to

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM and NABULUNGI]
Baptize her/me again

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Excuse me, I’m gonna need another minute!

[NABULUNGI]
Never known a boy so gentle
One like him is hard to find
A special kind
Who makes my heart kind of flutter
Like a moth in a cocoon
I hope he gets to baptizing me soon!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I’m gonna baptize you
I’m through with all my stalling

[NABULUNGI]
You’re gonna baptize me
I’m ready to let you do it

[BOTH]
And it will set us free
It’s time to be immersed
And I’m so happy you’re
About to be my first

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Okay, you ready?

[NABULUNGI, spoken]
I am ready. So… how do we do it?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken]
Well, I hold you like this –

[NABULUNGI]
– Yeah?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
And I lower you down –

[NABULUNGI]
– Yeah?

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM:]
And then I –

(Splash)

I just baptized her!
She got doused by Heavenly Father!
I just baptized her good!

[NABULUNGI]
You baptized me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I performed like a champ!

[NABULUNGI]
I’m wet with salvation!

[BOTH]
We just went all the way!
Praise be to God
I’ll never forget this day

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I baptized you!

[NABULUNGI]
You baptized me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
I gotcha good!

[NABULUNGI]
Baptize me!

[ELDER CUNNINGHAM]
You want it more, baby?

[NABULUNGI]
Baptize me!

(spoken)
I’ll text you later