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Christians Say the Darnedest Things: Godly Women Don’t Fart, Burp, or Stick Out Their Tongue by Lori Alexander

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Our youngest granddaughter, who sticks her tongue out because Grandpa is sticking out his. Little did I know that by our little tongue game I was turning her into someone Lori Alexander finds disgusting.

What follows is a perfect illustration of what happens when Fundamentalism so permeates your mind that you see “sin” in the smallest of behaviors; even natural ones such as farting and belching. Of all the things Lori Alexander could write about, she decides to tackle the evil of sticking out your tongue. What’s next, the evil of nose picking, butt scratching, or pulling up your underwear?

As many of you know, I have two new granddaughters. One was born in July and the other in August. They are beautiful and fun to watch. We laugh when their little tongues come continually out of their mouths. When they toot, we think it’s funny. When they burp, we all laugh and are happy they got their air out so it won’t cause a tummy ache. All of their noises are so sweet to all of us. However, when grown women are doing these things, they aren’t funny or cute anymore. It is disgusting and they are not being discreet.

Sticking out your tongue for pictures and having tooting and burping contests are common among women today. I hear it directly from them. They think it’s funny. The Bible tells us otherwise: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (1 Corinthians 13:11) Even as our children grew older, they never stuck their tongues out or looked like the girl in the picture. We would never have allowed this. They didn’t burp or toot on purpose in front of us either. (I actually never heard them burp since they had healthy gallbladders.) We taught them from a young age to have manners.

Godly women are called to be discreet and not do anything to draw attention to themselves. They are not children anymore and should not do childish things. It’s amazing that I even have to teach younger women this today. When I was growing up, we never did such things. We would have been mortified! If we had to pass gas, we held it until we were alone. (If you have a lot of gas, you need to find out to heal your digestive system and I am sure less sugar and more real foods with probiotics will help.)

I don’t ever remember having a problem with burping….I would have never stuck out my tongue for pictures, ever. When I see women do this, it looks disgusting. Tongues are meant to help us talk and eat to enjoy our food, not show off to other people, especially when they are coated with a thick white film which usually means they eat too much dairy and other unhealthy foods…

Be a godly feminine woman. Show discretion in all that you do and don’t try to gain attention by doing something that is ugly….

— Lori Alexander, Always Learning, Taking Pictures With Tongues Out, September 29, 2016

16 Comments

  1. Avatar
    anotherami

    I’m sticking my 56-year old tongue out at this “old biddy” who is likely younger than I am and I’m fairly confident my 76-year old mother would do the same, considering she stuck her tongue out at me multiple times over this last weekend. Until a recent medication change, she would have probably taken a big swig of Bud Light and belched, and quite possibly displayed the unofficial sign language for “fuck off/you” for good measure, like I did (but with the Coke I already had open). This is the woman who once told me, “Always remember that you are a lady. And that a lady can do as she damned well pleases, as long as she remembers she’s a lady while she’s doing it.” Yes, my mother qualifies as a “character”.

  2. Avatar
    Suzanne

    I sleep on pressurized oxygen being shot up my nose and down into my lungs every night. Which means I swallow some of that air, leading to a morning fart marathon. Lori clearly does not seem to understand that these are normal and fairly healthy things to do! Does she expect me to clinch my sphincter as tightly as she does hers all the time and not crop dust the bedroom every morning?

  3. Avatar
    That Other Jean

    Your granddaughter is adorable! Lori Alexander, not so much–although I’ll agree that it’s not the most polite thing to expose the general public, particularly in confined spaces, to the workings of your digestive system, if you can help it, you don’t need to get all that self-righteous about it. What you do while you’re alone, or in familiar company, is your own business.

  4. Avatar
    Randy

    I’m sure Hell has a couple of special levels for people that dare to commit such heinous sins. One is where people are hung over the flaming fires by their tongues for all the times they stuck their tongues out. The other level is a place where you are inflicted with continuous flatulence that causes the flames of torment to explode and continually fill your nostrils with the most putrid of odors. I mean really? Some Christians worry about this stuff? They keep writing appendices to the commandments:
    – Thou shalt keep thy tongue in thy mouth
    – Thou shalt not release bodily gasses from thy mouth or rectum
    Seriously? I’m looking at this from the view of someone still in the camp of Christianity. I have 4 daughters. They are all in trouble if this is sin. Does God really have a heavenly auditor keeping track of belches and farts? And hey, I’m not sure, is it okay for a guy to do this stuff? This is sheer stupidity. Sadly, I see many Christians in love with making rules about everything and ensuring nobody can even pass some wind without calling it sin.

    • Avatar
      Charles

      This is the kind of nonsense the Scribes and Pharisees in the New Testament were engaged in doing. They had created a Mishnah (or compendium of made up man rules designed to keep people 4 feet back from sinning against a God-given law or commandment). In Matthew 23, Jesus basically told them to go fuck themselves, get a real life, and let other people get one too.

  5. Avatar
    J.D. Matthews

    Women and their nasty, filthy, disgusting, sinful bodies. Cover them all in burqas and lock them in windowless rooms. Ain’t it great to be a man? /s

    Ugh…. I have a raise a daughter in a world filled with idiot women like this. It’s bad enough that men try to put women down, but do we have to have a cadre of traitors from the XX chromosome side helping out??

  6. Avatar
    Ami

    Girls never fart. I have it on good authority.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Molly was sitting at one of the tables and putting away some games she had out.
    She had one foot tucked up under her leg and as she reached across the table for another checker, her foot squeaked on the seat and sounded like a fart.

    All the kids laughed, and Molly said, “That was a funny noise!”

    Jim said, “You farted!!”

    Molly said, “No I didn’t, it was my shoe!”

    And Steve, who has made me laugh many times before, said,”She didn’t fart!” And he put on a refined tone of voice and said, “Girls do not fart. They whisper in their panties.”

  7. Pingback:Godly Women Don’t Fart, Burp, or Stick Out Their Tongue – FairAndUNbalanced.com

  8. Avatar
    God created

    U r retarded to write such nonsense things.u should just die in hell..we r created to fart and burp and different definitely. U r so childish in writing such nonsense.

    • Avatar
      Astreja

      Ah, feel the Christian Love™! giggle

      Read the article again. The author of the silly comments about farting, and the person you should be criticizing, is Lori Alexander, not Bruce or any of us who hang out at this site.

  9. Avatar
    God created

    U r so retarded to write such nonsensensical thing. God created us this way. when we eat, drink or even swallow our saliva, air goes in and needs to be out so we will burp many times a day. Ofcourse it can be done quietly. But who cares when we burp with sounds. We chinese burps when ever, where ever, how ever and with who ever we like. This is everyones freedom. You should just stop eating, drinking or even swallow your own saliva and DIE IN HELL. There is no verses in the Bible says that burping and farting is a sin. This is all self created stupid culture. Oh ya farts is definitely different from burps. Your brain is definitely filled with maggots. U r more than childish to write such thing. Please do everyone a favour and tell Lori Alexandra and u yourself should be locked in mental health hospital and don’t be a disgrace to the society. IDIOTS

  10. Avatar
    eternity

    “@ Bruce, U r more than retarded asshole…..”

    Comment deleted. This is God Created using a new name and email address in an attempt to evade being banned. I may be a “retarded asshole” but I know you might want to trying using a different IP address if you want to get around a ban.

    Nice try, Dude. Fail, just like your God.

  11. Avatar
    Yulya Sevelova

    With all the scary crap to worry about, does it even matter when a very neurotic woman like Lori Alexander sounds off about burping and farting ?? She is so ignorant that she isn’t aware that body noises are not a thing in many parts of the world. She’s making a fool out of herself. I wonder what her grown children and grandchildren really think, when she makes one of her ” lofty pronouncements”. Would anyone be surprised to see them laughing at all this in a private moment. You can calm down, God Created. Lori is not to be taken seriously, but is only good for laughing at !

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