According to an email I received several years ago, my present life is NOT how I present it within the pages of this blog. A Christian man by the name Nathan Smith says I am lying when I say I am happy. He also says my life is absent of compassion, freedom, and happiness, despite me saying differently. Smith challenges my manhood, saying that if I truly was a brave man I would ask a cognitive behaviorist to render their opinion on my written work. You mean the secular psychologist I see every week, the woman who reads my writing and encourages me to keep telling my story?
Smith writes:
Reading your blog doesn’t give any impression that the humanistic life is full of the kind of compassion, freedom, and happiness you say it is. If Christians serve something man-made, then they are simply doing what comes naturally to them as humans; something any true humanist would be able to understand with a lot more compassion than you seem able to demonstrate. If you were free, you would not feel compelled to continue in your devotion to Christ and His Church; albeit in hostility. Moreover, if you were happy, you would not view everything through the lens of this hostility. If humanism were true of Bruce Gerenscer [sic], the battle would have ended when he left the Church, yet here he is still playing the part with fervor.
You will be glad to hear that your new life’s work is questionable without even invoking God or scripture. If you are brave enough, let a cognitive behaviorist evaluate this blog and compare it with your stated reasons for writing it; that way you can hear from the kind of secular, educated, scientific individual you now esteem that you are completely full of it.
I will leave it to you the reader to decide if Smith’s observations ring true.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
One of the ways evangelicals have processed a growing awareness of religious abuse has been through starting conferences. The Exiles in Babylon Conference offered many helpful insights to racial trauma but continued to advance narratives that have caused sexual trauma in the church. The Restore 2022 Conference brought complementarians like Karen Swallow Prior and egalitarians like Scot McKnight together to discuss topics such as where God is during abuse, healing from religious trauma, and how churches enable abuse. Their goal was to address these issues within the framework of “restoring faith in God and the church.”
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But too often with these conferences, there are underlying theological assumptions that fuel power dynamics that do not get questioned to the degree that they should. And when your stated goal is to restore faith in the church, you have theological territory to protect and are invested in a certain outcome that people who have been traumatized by the church may not be ready for or interested in.
Many people are having enough and deciding to leave evangelical churches while mourning the loss of their communities and hoping to discover a healthier experience of Christianity.
But many are leaving Christianity altogether.
Because conservative evangelical media outlets such as The Gospel Coalition continue to bloviate about those who are either deconstructing or deconverting, one has to wonder: Are conservative evangelicals at all willing to sit quietly and listen to those who have left?
And are progressive evangelicals any healthier at silent listening?
Imagine a space for processing such religion-fueled trauma that is led by formerly religious people for formerly religious people. Would it be possible for religious people to sit in silence and learn from atheists and agnostics about how their religion has caused deep trauma, consider how the formerly religious are healing, and learn from their insights in order to heal themselves?
Or must Christians always be leading and talking?
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Theology by definition is concerned about the ultimate questions in life: questions about whether there is a God, why there is something rather than nothing, the purpose of life, our relationship with ourselves and everyone around us, and what happens after death.
As children, we long for the love and affirmation of our parents. And yet, we’re afraid of how big the world is and how insufficient our understanding of it feels.
In some ways, we’re asking, “Are we OK? And are we safe?”
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[Janice] Selbie told BNG: “People embrace religions because they were born into them or turned to them during times of transition and vulnerability. Religion promises certainty, security, order and community. People remain religious for those very reasons, as well as fear of hell.”
For the formerly religious to walk away from their certainty, security, order and community can be one of the most vulnerable decisions anyone ever makes. “Divorcing religion means loss of family, community, support and identity. It is too hard for many even to consider,” Selbie said.
To walk away from the certainty of heaven is to embrace the possibility of hell. To walk away from the theology of your family is to embrace the disapproval that you spent years trying to avoid. To walk away from the support of your church community is to embrace the possibility of nobody being there for you when you face a life-threatening illness or when you simply want to hang out with familiar friends.
Deconstruction and deconversion can be like Pinocchio leaving the identity-forming, punishment threatening world of Pleasure Island and moving toward Monstro the whale — the ultimate danger everyone around you fears — for the sake of being present with who you’re learning to love, namely yourself and your neighbors.
But abusive theology preys on our mental, social, spiritual and sexual longings and infuses within us an identity that we’re fundamentally a problem and that we’re forever going to be punished.
Darrel Ray, founder and president of Recovering From Religion, explained during his session, “It’s like you can’t utter the word ‘sex’ without the word ‘sin’ coming out within the same sentence in almost any religious environment, especially if it’s conservative or fundamentalist. … The ideology itself plays a role in the trauma you experience.”
Of course, many kinder, gentler evangelicals might object, thinking that somehow you can hold to theologies that form negative self-identities and that celebrate justice through violence without being abusive, or suggesting that Christians are much kinder than in centuries past. To that defense, Ray asserts: “We may not be lopping people’s heads off. But I’m telling you, I’ve met plenty of Baptists who have been traumatized by the ideology of their Baptist faith and their church because there’s nowhere for a child to escape if they’re in that church and they’re constantly being told the outside is dangerous.”
In a recent podcast episode, author and former megachurch pastor Rob Bell said: “The water, if you’re a fish, is so difficult to see. The reason it’s so difficult to see is because everyone around you is swimming in it. There’s no observance of it because it’s the thing everybody’s immersed in. It’s too close to see.”
Formerly religious people have had the experience of swimming in the water that religious people exist in, yet currently have the perspective from standing on the beach.
According to [Janice] Selbie, it is not merely enough for Christians to redefine the water they’re swimming in to a more progressive understanding. She believes true perspective and the fullest healing comes when people leave the water altogether.
“I think even progressive Christians are still ‘drinking the Kool-Aid.’ I don’t typically invite still-religious people to speak at CORT because I think continued affiliation with the Bible is unhealthy when it comes to the LGBTQ community, safety of children and women’s rights.”
Progressive Christians tend to object. “In public and private, I receive angry input from ‘progressive’ Christians for not inviting them to speak at CORT. I won’t risk further traumatizing attendees by doing so, although I do still have Christian family. I do not think it’s possible for evangelicals or other religiously entrenched people to be trauma sensitive with regard to religious trauma, although they vehemently disagree.”
While Selbie would admit that not even all her conference speakers would agree with her belief in the necessity of leaving the water altogether, her assertion that religion encourages “fantasy over reality and often creates massive division (in family and nation) and trauma (individual and collective)” has been demonstrably true.
Atheists and agnostics who spend significant time invested in the church are especially positioned to bring clarity to how theology fosters abuse because they know the theology, they’ve experienced the power dynamics involved, and because they are free to question every facet of Christian theology and power.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
“The surest thing in the world is not death and taxes, it’s death and eternity. Yet, we’re so unconcerned.”
“This life is a dressing room for eternity – THAT’S ALL IT IS!”
“Are the things you are living for worth Christ dying for?”
“The surest thing in the world is not death and taxes, it’s death and eternity. Yet, we’re so unconcerned. What are you going to do when you get to eternity, if you can’t stick in an hour with God down here?”
On Sunday, my wife, Polly, and I, along with our oldest daughter, went to Defiance to buy supplies for upcoming home improvement projects. Afterward, we ate lunch at Sweetwater Chophouse and then drove out to Independence Dam to watch the eagles. From there, we drove along the north side of the Maumee River, crossed the river, and then drove along the south side of the river back to Defiance. We then stopped at Lowe’s to buy an electrical cord for the new freezer we would have delivered on Tuesday. Polly also bought some flower bulbs.
As we returned to our automobile, the following discussion took place:
Polly: Are you ready to go home, old man?
Bruce: I didn’t even want to get out of bed today. (I’ve had a string of bad days, I mean really, really, really bad days.)
Polly: But look at all you did today!
Bruce: In light of eternity . . .
Polly: Pfft, laugh . . .
Bruce: laugh . . .
I am sure some readers are trying to figure out what was so funny about what I said, “in light of eternity.” Those who were raised in Evangelical churches and were pastors, evangelists, missionaries, college professors, youth pastors, youth leaders, and devout, committed church members see the humor in what I said. You see, our Sunday jaunt was of no consequence. Just a short road trip to get Bruce out of the house; a nice meal with family. There was nothing that happened that had eternal import. Just another moment in time with the love of my life and my daughter.
Back in our Evangelical days, we were driven to live our lives “in light of eternity.” We devoted our lives to the ministry; to winning souls; to teaching and building up the people of God; to homeschooling our children, preparing them to be warriors for Jesus. We had little time for the mundane things of life. We would go to dirt track races in the summer and take road trips on occasion, but the rest of our time was spent with our shoulders to the plow, working the fields of the world for God. We had no time for date nights or vacations. How could we? “Life is short, Hell is real, and death is certain,” we told ourselves. “Work for the night is coming when no man can work” and “prepare to meet the Lord thy God,” the Bible told us, words that motivated us to devotedly and selflessly work day and night for Jesus.
I was particularly taken with the Apostle Paul’s devotion to the gospel. He lived for the “sake of the gospel.” I thought it was my duty and obligation to do the same. That’s why I lived in beautiful southeast Ohio and never saw the sites. That’s why I lived in San Antonio and never visited the Alamo or walked the River Walk. Oh, I preached in front of the Alamo and stood above the River Walk raining words from the Bible down upon people’s heads, but no leisurely visits with family or friends. And that’s why I lived in Arizona and never saw the Grand Canyon. How could I bother with such trivial things when souls were dying and Jesus was coming soon. Even on the rare occasions we took “vacations,” we never took a vacation just for the sake of relaxation. In the 1980s, we took a trip to Cape Cod/Boston. Sure, we visited a few sites, but I was there to preach. We took numerous trips so I could preach at a church or conference. We saw wonderful scenery and sites along the way, but our goal was always the same: to preach the gospel and challenge the saints.
Hopefully, that explains to readers why we laughed when I said, “in light of eternity.”
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Several years ago, I received a Facebook notification about approving something Rick, a friend of mine, wanted to post to my wall. Rick is a long-time friend, former parishioner, and frequent reader of this blog. What’s interesting about his request is that he meant his message to be a private one sent to a friend of his by the name of Frank. The reason I got the notification is that he inadvertently tagged me. Here’s the message Rick sent to Frank — also a man I have known for many years.
Don’t be put off by Rick’s poor language skills. Several years ago, Rick had a major stroke. This affected his ability to write sentences. Best I can tell, the stroke has not affected his ability to study and read the Bible, nor has it affected his ability to read religious materials.
I met Rick in the late 1990s. At the time, I was pastoring Somerset Baptist Church in Mt. Perry, Ohio. Rick, a Calvinist, was looking for a Calvinistic church to attend and someone recommended that he check out Somerset Baptist. Rick joined the church, happy in knowing that he had found a man who was conversant in the doctrines of grace (the five points of Calvinism). For the next five years, I would drive two times a week — thirty miles round trip — to New Lexington to pick Rick up for church.
One Sunday night, while on our way to the church, Rick was waxing eloquently about double predestination and whether children who die in infancy and developmentally disabled people are automatically a part of the elect — those whom God, from before the foundation of the world, has chosen to save. I told Rick, with a slight irritation in my voice, that Calvinistic Baptist great Charles Spurgeon believed such people were numbered among the elect. Rick, not the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to social cues, continued to defend God having the absolute right to eternally torture anyone, including infants and developmentally disabled people, in the Lake of Fire. I could feel anger welling. I thought to myself, has Rick forgotten that I have a developmentally disabled two-year-old daughter with Down syndrome? Doesn’t he care how hurtful his words are? I slammed on the brakes and told Rick to get out of the car. He could walk to church, I told him. I quickly cooled down, telling him, I didn’t want to hear another word from him about whether infants and developmentally disabled people are elect. Rick complied, moving on to other hot button Calvinistic issues.
Let me share another Rick memory, one that I think readers will find funny. Rick worked third shift at a residential home for the developmentally disabled — Mount Aloysius. Unsurprisingly, Rick was quite tired by the time he arrived for Sunday morning church. Try as he might to stay awake, Rick would often fall asleep. Rick snored, so the entire congregation knew when Rick was sleeping. Sunday after Sunday I watched Rick fight sleep, his head bobbing back and forth during my hour-long sermons. One Sunday, Rick bobbed his head back and then forward just as he did Sunday after Sunday. This time, however, Rick’s head traveled forward farther than he intended, smacking the pew in front of him. I stopped preaching and went to Rick to make sure he was okay. Fortunately, the only thing harmed was his pride. After the service, I told Rick that perhaps he should skip the Sunday morning service when he worked the night before. That way he could be rested and mentally fresh for the Sunday evening service. By the way, this was the only time in twenty-five years of pastoring churches that I told someone, please don’t come to church.
I haven’t been Rick’s pastor for over twenty-seven years, and the last time I saw him was in 1996 when he and Frank drove to West Unity, Ohio to attend services at a new church I had planted. Since then, I have traded a few emails with Rick, but nothing of substance.
Rick’s message is a reminder to me that people still talk about my deconversion. People who knew me well — as Rick and Frank once did — are still trying to square the pastor they once knew with the atheist named Bruce Gerencser. In Rick’s case, he wonders if am just backslidden, or is it possible that I never was saved. I am sure Rick prefers the backslidden explanation. I am sure trying to wrap his mind around the possibility of me never being saved is too much for him to emotionally and intellectually handle. If I was never saved, this means that Rick was taught for five years by an unsaved pastor, a man he heard expositionally preach hundreds of times; preaching that he believed was empowered by the Holy Spirit. I am sure he remembers the countless hours we spent after church talking theology. I am sure he remembers my love, kindness, and compassion, and my willingness to, week after week, drive to New Lexington and pick him up so he could attend church. I am sure he asks himself, how is it possible that the Bruce I knew was never a true Christian.
The easy out for Rick is for him to embrace Arminianism with its belief that saved people can and do fall from grace. Doing so would mean that I once was saved, but now I am not. Of course, Rick’s Calvinism keeps him from believing I have lost my salvation, so he is forced to psychologically torture himself with thoughts about whether I am backslidden or was never a Christian to start with.
I wish Rick nothing but the best. I hope he will, in time, come to terms with my current godless state. I chose to be exactly where I am today. Or did I? Perhaps all of this has been decreed by God, and the person ultimately responsible for my lost condition is the divine puppet master, John Calvin’s God.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
On occasion, an Evangelical commenter will suggest that deep down in my heart of hearts I KNOW that I am still a Christian; that my claiming to be an agnostic/atheist is a ruse or some sort of misdirection meant to lead people away from finding out the truth about what and who I really am. Such a conclusion is derived from reading my writing through blood-of-Jesus-colored glasses, seeing faith where there is none. Several years ago, one commenter even went so far as to suggest that my capitalization of words such as Bible, Heaven, and Hell, was proof that I am, despite my protestations, still a Christian. Taking this approach, of course, allows once-saved-always-saved Baptists to square my past with the present. Once saved by the miracle-working power of Jesus, no matter what I say or do, I cannot be separated from the love of God. No matter how hard I try to divorce myself from God or run from his presence, I remain eternally married to Jesus. Jesus is the epitome of the abusive husband in a no-divorce state. The only way to be free of Jesus is to kill him. I wonder . . . is it possible to kill Jesus twice? 🙂
Most thinking people will recognize that the aforementioned argument is absurd and makes a mockery of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. Salvation is reduced to intellectual assent to a set of propositional facts about the nature of God, the human condition, the need of redemption, the threat of judgment, and the promise of eternal life. If someone, as I did when a fifteen-year-old boy, sincerely believes these facts, then he or she is instantly and eternally saved. After being instantaneously saved, it matters not how the saved sinner lives. He SHOULD desire to live right. Indwelt by the Holy Spirit, those born from above SHOULD desire to attend church, pray, read the Bible, and follow the commands and precepts of God. But if they don’t, they are still saved, no matter what! In other words, a Christian could renounce Jesus, reject the teachings of the Bible, embrace atheism, and live a life of debauchery; it matters not, he is still saved. Supposedly, such a life would bring God’s judgment and chastisement, but if it doesn’t, the Christian is still saved. Several Christians have suggested my health problems are God’s chastisement of me for my rebellion against him. The problem with this line of argument is that my health problems started years and decades before I divorced myself my Jesus. What was God up to then?
If I am still, way down in the depths of my imaginary soul, a Christian, why would I claim to be an agnostic/atheist now? Point to one good thing that comes from me professing to be an atheist. I live in rural Northwest Ohio. The Evangelical Jesus is on public display everywhere I look. In the Williams/Defiance/Fulton/Henry County area, three hundred churches dot the landscape. Almost all of them skew to the right theologically and politically. I am not only an atheist, I am also a pacifist and a Democratic Socialist. I am everything most people in the quad-county area are not. Being an outspoken atheist has resulted in social ostracization. While I have in recent years tried to pick my battles more carefully, I am still labeled by Christian zealots as an immoral tool of Satan. I continue to despise the preferential treatment given to Christianity and I deplore attempts to promote theocratic thinking and scientific ignorance. I have concluded that locals can live with my godlessness as long as I don’t shove it in their faces. Of course, there is this little problem called The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser. Anyone who bothers to do a search on my name — I am the only Bruce Gerencser in the world — will quickly find out my views about God, Christianity, the Bible, Evangelicalism, Trump, right-wing politics, asphalt auto racing, and the designated hitter. I am not hiding my lack of belief as much as I am being more careful in choosing when, where, and how I want to take a stand against God and his anointed ones.
It seems to me that it would an easier path for me if I said I was a Christian and lived as most local Christians do — as practical atheists, espousing a cultural Christianity that is trotted out for holidays, weddings, funerals, and periodic outbursts of self-righteousness over perceived secular attacks on the baby Jesus. I would, in effect, live as if God doesn’t exist. Such living is hypocrisy at its best — saying one is a Christian, yet living as if God is a myth. Surely, if people say they are Christians, shouldn’t they make a good faith effort to live according to teachings of the Bible? Shouldn’t their lives reflect their beliefs?
I can’t think of one rational reason for me to still be a Christian, yet claim to be an atheist. Being a Christian, even in name only, is a path of ease, one that requires nothing from me. Atheism, on the other hand, brings social and cultural criticism, ostracism, and attack. I do my best to be an example of a good atheist, someone who lives according to the humanistic ideal. I try to let my good works show the kind of man, husband, father, and grandfather I am. I want local Christians to know that people can be unbelievers and still live moral and ethical lives. Most of all, I want my life to be a glaring contradiction when how I live is compared to presuppositions and stereotypes about atheists. A Christianity worth having is evidenced not by beliefs, but by how a follower of Jesus lives. So it is with atheists. How we live our day-to-day lives is vitally important. People are watching us, trying to figure out what kind of people we really are. I want to be the best atheist in town, one who loves his fellow man and, when needed, lends his care and support to those in need. Surely, atheists and Christians alike should desire what is best not only for their progeny, but also for their friends and neighbors.
If you can come up with a reason for someone to still be a Christian, yet claim to be an atheist, please share it in the comment section below.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
I spent decades in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) church movement, from the early 1960s until the late 1990s. I attended Midwestern Baptist College, an IFB institution, in the 1970s. I continue to follow the IFB movement closely, reading scores of blogs and websites, and listening to far too many Fundamentalist sermons and podcasts. All that hellfire and brimstone preaching, and I am still not saved. 🙂 My wife’s family is IFB through and through. Polly’s dad was an IFB pastor, as was her uncle Jim Dennis. (Please see The Family Patriarch is Dead: My Life With James Dennis.) Several family members are pastors, missionaries, and evangelists. We have great-nephews and grand-nieces who are currently attending or plan to attend unaccredited IFB colleges. Last Sunday, we listened to a podcast where one of our grand-nieces was sharing her plans for after high school. She plans to attend an IFB college so she can become a school teacher. How sad, both Polly and I said. ________ is a wonderful girl. She’s going to spend the next four years getting a worthless education, one that’s only good if she teaches at an IFB school. Numerous young relatives have received similar training, convinced by their parents that this is what “God” wants them to do. I have said all of this to say that I continue to have my finger on the pulse of IFB church movement.
I have written countless articles about the IFB church movement since I started blogging in 2007. I am well-known in some corners of IFB world. As a result, I have received a lot of emails and comments from offended, outraged, angry, nasty, vile, vicious, hateful IFB zealots. From death threats to attacks on my character to threats of judgment and Hell, IFB zealots have tried to marginalize me and my story — unsuccessfully, I might add.
I have found that IFB zealots are experts in passive-aggressive behavior. Yesterday, I received an email from a woman from Alabama named Donna.
Here’s what he had to say:
Hi Bruce!
Hope this warms your heart, I am NOT praying for you.
I will not be concerned if I don’t hear from you for a while, or at all.
Matter of fact, I wouldn’t read your response if you did so don’t waste your time.
Enjoy your life while you can.
Best to you and your wife.
Now that’s one passive-aggressive email.
I replied:
Donna,
I have no idea who you are. Your email is quite passive-aggressive. Was that your intent?
I see you came to my site looking for information on Pastor Mark Falls from the Newark Baptist Temple in Heath, Ohio. If you didn’t like something I said about Falls, you could have commented on the relevant post. Instead, you took the typical approach most Independent Fundamentalist Baptists (IFB) take with me: nasty, spiteful, passive-aggressive, complete with a subtle threat of judgment and Hell.
Please square the content of your email with the teachings of the Bible, especially the verses that tell you how to treat your enemies.
Be well.
Bruce Gerencser
I have no idea who this person is. Mark Falls is an Alabama native and pastored in the state, so Donna could be a relative or a former church member. Falls currently pastors the Newark Baptist Temple in Heath, Ohio, a church previously pastored by Polly’s uncle, Jim Dennis, for over forty years. Polly’s mom attends Newark Baptist. She’s been a member of the church for forty+ years.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Spend enough time in the trenches battling Evangelical apologists and you will more than likely be told by one or more of your combatants, I love you. Over the past fifteen years, I have had countless Christians say they loved me. Sometimes, such pronouncements irritate me. A particularly obnoxious Evangelical told me that he “loved” me, to which I replied, sorry, I am not gay. The man in question missed my dripping sarcasm and thought I was making some sort of homophobic slur. What I wanted this zealot to see is that I didn’t buy the notion that he “loved” me. In fact, based on my understanding of love, none of the Christian Romeos who have professed their love to me actually do.
Evangelicals are taught from an early age that God commands them to love everyone; that demonstrating this love is evidence that they are children of God; that the two great commandments are to love God with all your heart, soul, and might and love your fellow man. Why is it then, that some of the nastiest, most hateful people on earth are Evangelicals? Long-time readers of this blog have witnessed numerous Evangelicals spew venomous bile in their comments about something I have written. Yet, these preachers of hate can turn right around and say, Bruce, I love you, often adding, and God does too).
Many Evangelical apologists believe that telling people the “truth” — truth being their interpretation of a Bronze Age religious text — is an act of “love.” When confronted with their hateful, bombastic words, Evangelicals will often respond, I am just telling you what God says! In other words, God is to blame for their words, not themselves. What a cop-out, right? This allows Evangelicals to rail against LGBTQ people, adulterers, fornicators, abortionists, liberals, Catholics, and atheists without being held accountable for their words. All these zealots are saying is, THUS SAITH THE LORD!
People raised in Evangelical churches likely remember being told by their pastors that Christians are to speak the truth in love. This idea is found in Ephesians 4:15: But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. However, when taken in context, this verse teaches that Christian pastors and evangelists are to speak the truth in love to the CHURCH, not the world at large. Context is a bitch, eh?
Evangelical apologists who use hate and bigotry to preach their warped gospel of “love” do great damage to their cause when behaving in ways that cause non-Christians to feel hurt and shame. Of course, these zealots think that feeling “guilty” after being preached at is a sure sign of Holy Ghost conviction. I sat in countless church services growing up where a “man of God” stomped, spit, and thundered as he savaged and abused the congregation for whatever behavior(s) he deemed an affront to the thrice-holy God. A preacher skilled at manipulating human emotions can cause congregants to suffer emotional stress; that, come invitation time, will result in much weeping and wailing at the church altar. And then at the next preacher’s meeting, pastors will share stories about how God used their sermons to bring conviction and repentance. No, what brought conviction and repentance was skillful manipulation of human emotions.
True love is not found in words. Countless men have told women they “loved” them just so they could have sex with them. Women suffer and endure physical abuse because their abusers apologize and say, I love you. The Bible says that the Christian God is a God of love. However, his behavior suggests otherwise; that God is, in fact, a mean, violent, sadistic son-of-a-bitch. There’s nothing in the Bible that remotely suggests that God is a loving deity. What about God demonstrating his love to us in the atoning death of Jesus? Sorry, but even here, God comes off as a bad person. According to Evangelicals, God, the Father violently and viciously punished Jesus, his Son, on a Roman cross. The father’s torture of his son led to his death. Why did the Father do this to his Son? Not because of anything he did. Oh no, God rained physical terror down upon Jesus because of what other people did — namely the human race. What kind of father acts this way toward his innocent progeny? Love? Not a chance. The death of Jesus and his father’s culpability in his death is better suited for an American Horror Story series or an episode of Criminal Minds.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity [love], I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.Charity never faileth . . . And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
When is the last time you have seen this kind of love coming from Evangelicals — especially those who roam the Internet and social media seeking opportunities to attack and condemn unbelievers? Not often, if ever.
Many Evangelicals believe that they have a duty to tell sinners (anyone who doesn’t believe as they do) the “truth.” It matters not whether they were given permission to do so. Sinners need to hear the gospel even if they don’t want to. These soulwinners likely have been told by their pastors that if they don’t witness to sinners when given the opportunity and these sinners die and go to Hell, God will hold them accountable for the sinners going to Hell. Ezekiel 33:8,9 says:
When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.
The majority of Evangelicals never share their faith, never witness, never preach the gospel to sinners. They might invite those sinners to church so their preacher can evangelize them, but outside of that, most Evangelicals keep the world’s greatest story to themselves (and we should be very glad that they do). The remaining few believe God has commanded them to preach the truth in love. Unbelievers, like it or not, will have to endure being harassed, cajoled, and shit upon by people who “love” them.
I spent fifty years in the Christian church. Twenty-five of those years were spent “loving” people as detailed in this post. This warped idea of love caused me to view unsaved family members, friends, and neighbors as prospects for Heaven. I wasn’t interested in them as individuals. All that mattered were their souls. If I determined they were unsaved, I attempted to evangelize them — either verbally or by giving them literature/tracts. Holidays with unsaved family were opportunities to witness to my heathen relatives. Several times a year, I would have evangelists come and preach to the churches I pastored. The evangelists and I, along with zealous congregants, would make a concerted effort to knock on doors and witness to the lost. I would ask church members to submit the names and addresses of people they believed needed salvation. We would then go visit these sinners and attempt to evangelize them. Having their names ahead of time gave us an in, much like a vacuüm salesman who knocks on your door and say, Hello Mrs. Jones. My name is Clarence. Betty Jones, your sister-in-law, gave me your name and asked me to stop by and share with you the dirt-cleaning power of the Rainbow vacuüm cleaner. May I come in and share the good news of clean carpets? Most people aren’t interested in getting “saved” (or buying a vacuüm cleaner), but once their friend or family member’s name is mentioned, they feel obligated to listen to the sales pitch. (There is a close connection between door-to-door sales methods and the techniques used by many Evangelicals to evangelize unbelievers.)
During the deconversion process, I realized that I had a warped understanding of love. I had to learn to love people without conditions or expectations. Evangelicals can often be busybodies, sticking their noses where they don’t belong. Believing that the Bible is some sort of divine blueprint or owner’s manual will do that to a person. Having marital problems? Let Evangelical Sally “share” with you what the Bible says about marriage. Having financial problems? Let Evangelical George “share” with you God’s plan for economic prosperity. Whatever problem people are facing, Evangelicals have a Bible proof text meant to address their “need.” Behaving this way is seen as “love,” but it is anything but.
Polly and I decided fifteen or so years ago that when our children became adults and later married that we would not “lovingly” meddle in their lives. We love our children enough to let them live their lives on their own terms. Do they make stupid decisions? Absolutely. Do we have opinions about the choices they make? Sure. But, as long as they are not doing something that causes physical harm, we leave them alone. And we expect the same from them. I am sure our children have opinions about decisions Polly and I have made. Because of the love we have for one another, we recognize personal boundaries and don’t cross them. Now, if one of my children asks for our opinion or advice, then we will give it. If not, mouths are zipped.
In the same manner as we treat our children, Polly and I treat our neighbors, friends, and coworkers. We love these people as they are, expecting nothing in return. We love them because they matter to us and we want them to have happy, prosperous lives. Again, this doesn’t mean we agree with everything they say or do.
One other thing I have learned post-Jesus is that I don’t have to love everyone. That’s right, not everyone is worthy of my love. In fact, there are a few people I despise and hate — here’s looking at you, Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and Margorie Taylor Greene. Generally, I try to treat people with respect and I expect the same in return. Those who don’t respect me for who I am are quickly erased from my iPad contact app. I couldn’t do that as a pastor. Frankly, I had to “love” more than a few asshole church members. I find it refreshing to shower my love on those deserving of it. Life is too short to spend time trying to love those who hate and despise who and what I am. Does this make me a bad person, an unloving man? I don’t think so. I have great capacity to love others — even people with whom I disagree. The people closest to me know that I am polite and respectful to everyone I come in contact with. It’s not in my nature to be mean or hateful. That said, I won’t go out of my way to love people who have misused and abused me or my family.
I have met numerous good people over the years through this blog. For those I have known for years, I have come to love them. Six years ago, a woman named Carolyn sent me an email that said, I love your writing, but your grammar needs some help! At first, I was offended, but then I realized she was right. From that point to today, virtually everything I have written for this site has been edited by her. We have become friends. We likely will never meet one another face to face, but yet we are friends and have a love for one another as good friends do. All of us, I suppose, have people we have met on the Internet/social media who have become friends we dearly love. Isn’t that awesome? I can love people all across the globe without ever meeting them in the flesh.
Have you experienced the Evangelical “love” mentioned in this post? Did you have to relearn what it means to love after you deconverted? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
One thing being a part of a church does for us is give us a community through which we find meaning, purpose, and identity. I spent the first fifty years of my life in the Christian church. For many years, I attended church twice on Sunday and on Wednesdays or Thursdays for prayer meeting. These church families I was a part of were central to my life. Most of my friendships were developed in connection with the church and my work as a pastor. I spent twenty-five years pastoring Evangelical churches in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. I developed scores of friendships, not only with congregants but also with colleagues in the ministry. As a pastor, I would attend pastor’s conferences and meetings. It was at these meetings that I had opportunities to talk with my preacher friends, sharing with them my “burdens.” We would laugh, cry, and pray together, knowing that the bond we had as fellow followers of Jesus and God-called preachers of the gospel was rooted in loving each other as Christ Jesus loved us. A handful of preachers became close, intimate friends with my wife and me. Our families would get together for food, fun, and fellowship — hallmarks of Baptist intimacy. We saw vulnerabilities in each other that our congregants never would. We could confide in each other, seeking advice on how to handle this or that problem or church member. When news of church difficulties came our way, we would call each other, or take each other out for lunch. These fellow men of God were dear to my heart, people that I expected to have as friends until I died.
As a teenager, I had lots of friends, male and female. Most of my friends were fellow church members, though I did have, thanks to playing sports, a few friends in the “world.” I always found it easy to meet new people and make friendships. I had no qualms about talking to complete strangers, a gift that suited me well as a pastor. As a nineteen-year-old boy, I enrolled in classes at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan. I quickly made a lot of new friends, including one who sleeps beside me to this day. I lived in a dorm room with three other men. Virtually every waking hour of my life was spent with fellow students — at church, school, and social events. As anyone who has ever lived in a college dormitory will tell you, dorm life is busy and full of activity. Practical jokes were an everyday occurrence, and, as a consummate jokester, I found great satisfaction in pulling one over on my fellow students. I lived on a dormitory wing that was labeled the “party” wing. The other dormitory wing was called the “spiritual” wing. My fellow party-wing residents loved Jesus, but they loved having a good time too. The spiritual wing? They loved Jesus too, but frowned on doing anything that might be perceived as bawdy or mischievous.
One day, a pastor by the name of A.V. Henderson preached at chapel (students were required to attend chapel five days a week). I have preached and heard thousands of sermons in my lifetime. I remember very few of them. I do, however, vividly remember Henderson’s sermon, even forty-five years later. Henderson was the pastor of Temple Baptist Church in Detroit. Temple was an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB) megachurch founded by Baptist luminary J. Frank Norris and later pastored by G.B. Vick. The 1970s were the zenith of the IFB church movement. Most of the largest churches in the United States were IFB churches. Churches such as Temple Baptist were pastored by men who were great orators and pulpiteers. Henderson was no exception. Henderson’s chapel sermon was from the book of Job. It was, by all counts, a thrilling, rousing sermon. However, Henderson said something during his sermon that I didn’t, at the time, understand. He said, with that distinct Texas drawl of his, that people will go through life with very few true friendships; that most people were fortunate to have two or three lifelong friends. I thought at the time, what’s he talking about? I have lots of friends! Forty years-five later, I now know that A.V. Henderson was right; that true friends are rare indeed; that if you have two or three such friends, you should consider yourself fortunate.
It has been almost fifteen years since I last attended church; fifteen years since I have listened to preaching; fifteen years since I have sung the hymns of the faith; fifteen years since I have dropped money in an offering plate; fifteen years since I broke bread with people I considered my family. In early 2009, I sent a letter to my family and friends detailing my loss of faith. You can read the letter here: Dear Family, Friends, and Former Parishioners. I grossly underestimated how people would respond to my letter. In a matter of days, I received angry, venomous emails, letters, and phone calls. One ministerial colleague drove four hours to my home, hoping to turn me back towards the faith. You can read the letter I sent to him here: Dear Friend. I was shocked by how hateful and vitriolic my friends were to me. And here I am fifteen years later, and I still, on occasion, hear from someone who knew me and is shocked over my betrayal of all that I once held dear.
The friendships of a lifetime are now gone — all of them, save my friendship with an Evangelical man I have known for fifty-seven years (we walked to elementary school together). A.V. Henderson’s words ring true. I have one friend who has walked with me through every phase of my life. The rest of my “true” friends have written me off (2 Corinthians 6:14), kicked the dirt off their shoes (Mark 6:10, 11), or turned me over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh (I Corinthians 5). I was naive to think that it could be any other way.
Many people believe in unconditional love. I know, at one time, I did. I have learned, however, that unconditional love is largely a myth. (Please read Does God Love Us Unconditionally?) Unconditional love suggests that nothing we do to those we love can break the bond we have with them. Many people carry the notion of unconditional love into their friendships. We think, these people love me, no matter what. They will always be my friends. And then something happens. In my case, I spit in the face of God, pissed on the blood of Jesus, and used the pages of the Bible to wipe my ass, so to speak. I repudiated everything I once believed, and in doing so called into question the beliefs of my friends. The glue that held our friendships together was our fealty to a set of theological beliefs. Once these beliefs were questioned and discarded by me, that bond was irreparably broken. If the connection Christians have with their churches is akin to family, then when people walk away from the beliefs and practices of these families, they are, in effect, divorcing themselves from their families.
Marital divorce tears the bond between husband and wife. When Christians divorce themselves from Jesus, the bonds they have with their friends are ripped asunder. While this divorce can be amicable, most often it is not. My divorce from Jesus and the church was very much like a high-profile tabloid divorce. And even though the judge signed the divorce decree fifteen years ago, repercussions remain to this day.
I have learned that few friendships last a lifetime. Most friendships are dependent on time and location. Remember all your friends who signed your high school yearbook? Are you still friends with them today? Remember the best-buds-for-life from your college days? What happened to those friendships? Were these relationships true friendships? Sure, but they weren’t meant to last a lifetime. And that’s okay.
I don’t blame my former friends for the failure of our friendships. I am the one who moved. I am the one who changed his beliefs. I am the one who ripped apart the bond of our friendship. I do, however, hold them accountable for their horrendous treatment of me once I deconverted. They could have hugged me and said, I don’t understand WHY you are doing this, but I appreciate the good times we had together. I wish you, Polly, and the kids well. Instead, I was treated like dog shit on a shoe bottom; a person worthy of scorn, ridicule, and denunciation. By treating me this way, they destroyed any chance of restoration. Why would I ever want to be friends again with people who treated me like the scum of the earth?
I have spent the past decade and a half developing new friendships. These days, most of my friendships are digital — people who I will likely never meet face to face. This has resulted in Polly and me becoming closer, not only loving each other, but also enjoying each other’s company. For most of my marriage, Jesus, the church, and the ministry were my first loves. (Please see It’s Time to Tell the Truth: I Had an Affair.) It’s not that I didn’t love my children and wife, I did. But they were never number one in my life, and Polly and the kids knew it. I was a God-called man who devoted his life to Jesus and the church. Polly knew that marrying a preacher meant that she and the kids would have to share me with the church. (And her teachers in college and fellow pastor’s wives told her that’s how it had to be. God came first.) Little did she know that she would spend way too many years getting leftovers from a man who loved her but was worn out from burning the proverbial candle at both ends. Now that religion no longer gets between us, Polly and I are free to forge an unencumbered relationship. We have always loved each other, but what has now changed is that we really like each other too and are best friends. And in Polly, I have found one of the true friends A.V. Henderson preached about forty-five years ago. I am indeed, blessed.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
Joe, the Evangelical, continues to email me. The count is now up to twenty-five comments and twenty emails. Today, Joe emailed me at 12:19 pm, 12:29 pm, 12:46 pm, 1:34 pm, 1:54 pm, 4:06 pm, 6:17 pm, and 8:08 pm. Joe even went over to ex-christian.net and said:
I don’t know but thought I would drop in to say I am still investigating every angle of deconversion. An older ex-Christian named Bruce in Ohio just threw me off his board and told me to f&$#$k off! I remembered that the Moderator here has much thicker skin, and is far more respectful to people. The man in Ohio immediately took offense when I quoted 1 John 2:19. But I wasn’t the one stating what it says in the verse— John the Apostle was!
I have not responded to any of Joe’s emails today, and I don’t plan to do so. I do plan to address some of what he said later in this post.
Here’s what Joe — a man who thinks he is Jesus — had to say:
Email One
I should have known you would do this. You opened up a door for me to respond to you. I tried to be civil in my response to you. I even explained I never said you were going to hell. But you insist on painting me in the worst way possible, and still insist you have the right to tell another person to f$#$k off at your leisure. You have only reinforced by your posts the fact that reconverts are very, very angry people with malicious attitudes. I will also share your blog with others to show them how a deconverted man reacts to discussions about God. How his hate is the dominant force in his life. You lost your soul for sure when you turned from Jesus—you no longer have a heart. Hate consumes you and is hunting you down now. Praise God he has saved me and continued to keep me. I pray I never wind up like you.
Email Two
This will absolutely be my last email to you Bruce. One day this will be reviewed as everything else will be before the Judgment seat of Christ. You will realize on that day that MANY people have tried to persuade you to repent from your decision to deconvert. You will realize then how you have treated those same people. I don’t care what you say Bruce— I genuinely continued to post on your site not to snidely judge people but to hopefully warn them and cause them to turn. But you are too hateful to accept that. I think there are other “lurkers” on your site that will be amazed to see the amount of hate you have towards Jesus Christ. In trying to “reveal” me on your site you have truly revealed yourself. I hope they see that and turn back to Jesus, seeing what they will turn into if they continue to reject Jesus. You may have committed the sin in 1 John 5:16 and I pray others will read your posts and beware. I know your response to all of this: f&$&$k off! Unfortunately those are the main words in your vocabulary now. Hopefully I’ve made your board more interesting. I note the SEQUELS keep coming Bruce. Otherwise the board is quite predictable and boring. Narcissists normally do have quite boring boards. Yours is no exception.
Email Three
By the way, you continue to shoot yourself in the foot Bruce. It’s your blog but you are centering on ME. I’m very flattered. Will there be a Part 5 and 6 also. I’ll go get my popcorn.
Email Four
It’s time to ‘fess up. You’ve been played. That’s why I’ve repeated twice now that you’re shooting yourself in the foot. I was VERY surprised the last Deconversion board that I was on I was the one who left–I wasn’t “thrown off” like you are doing. lol.
That moderator was VERY COOL and kept his composure. He knew I would continue to make the claims I was making but allowed me to continue. There were no personal attacks between he and myself, but I could tell he was very angered at my saying he was never a believer. I expected to be cussed at and removed but he never did. I had written a thread called “Israel: proof of God’s existence”. It might appear if you Google it. I’ve forgotten the name of the site.
But every other site I have visited had the same result: make a few posts, suffer harsh criticism, a few begin to cuss at you (but I never cuss back), and eventually the moderator bans you, or takes away your rights to post.
When I stumbled onto your site about Halloween and realized you were a deconvert, I said to my wife “I’ll bet I get banned within a week”. LOL. You took away my posting rights within TWO DAYS.
The majority of you are very angry people. Just read the posts on your “I hate Jesus” thread Bruce. So it doesn’t take much to get most of you all riled up. There is the occasional Michael (whom I take seriously) who is cordial and civil. But the majority are just like you Bruce. Ever heard the term “thick skin”? Deconverts do NOT have thick skin. LOL.
I email you again and again to see how much more I can rile you up. Man, you’ve dedicated 3 threads to me due to your anger.
I showed the most recent addition to the thread, PART 3 to my wife and she said “you should stop doing that. Someone is going to have a heart attack”. But I told her it was too much fun watching the reactions I was getting. I told her that “These people hate Jesus so much they spend HOURS talking about it”. And you most certainly do.
And it is pure guilt. You are afraid and I don’t blame you. You are rejecting the Lord of eternity. It displays itself in your anger and repeated reassurances to one another that Jesus is all “make-believe”. But Hebrews 10:26-31 states you are “expecting fearful judgment” It is something you cannot shake off no matter how hard you try to.
But you have all made your own choice to “trample upon the Son of God” (Hebrews 10:27) so I will continue to “play you” Bruce.
Oh– did I just ruffle your little feathers by emailing you again? Whoops! LOL. “How dare he continue to email me? I am Bruce Almighty and I asked him not to!” Ha ha ha ha
Will this email be in Part 4? Please entitle it “I continue to shoot myself in the foot” followed by 4 eggplants shaped like penises. That would be great. Ha ha.
Email Five
Google: “Deconversion Israel proves the existence of God”. Scroll down about 6 links. This is where I posted as Fish153 for quite a while. It is www.ex-christian.net. The Moderator was amazing. Very patient person. I truly admire him. He allowed me to post many different things and was confident enough in his own skin to not take it personally or ban me. I eventually left the board on my own. But I was told to f$@#k off many times by those without thick skin. I would feign surprise at their actions, but would never return the cursing.
I left the board admiring the man for allowing ALL views. I leave your board laughing. Another one shoots himself in the foot! Lol.
Email Six
Sing it with me Brittany: “Oops I did it again. I emai-eld Bruce, and now he’ll get mad, and send those egg plants…”Hey I wanted to let you know I’m drumming up readers for your blog. I was on another deconvert blog where they have allowed me to continue for some time now. I mentioned you. I didnt give your full name. I just said “A thin-skinned ex-Pastor and ex-Christian from Ohio named Bruce threw me off his board for quoting 1John 2:19 and stating he was never a Christian”. These people are used to seeing 1 John 2:19 quoted and being told they were never Christians. It goes with the territory. I also mentioned you have given me top billing on your board— even making sequels in parts 2 and 3 (so far). So I’m sure some will come to visit very soon. I think it’s always nice to get more readers for a blog. It definitely cannot hurt. All the best to you!
Email Seven
This is Joe’s wife. He doesn’t know I am sending this. Please stop encouraging him. You said “if he emails me again I will post it below”. Of course he e-mailed you. You left a door open for him. I am pleading with you to stop. Ever since Joe was very young he has been extremely frightened of Santa Claus. He was frightened to the point of psychosis.
A couple of days ago my husband dashed into the living room in tears and cried out “Santa Claus just told me to fuck off!!”
I seriously did not know what he meant until I saw your picture. “Why? Why? Why would Santa Claus tell me to fuck off?? He asked me.
All I could tell him is that maybe Santa is frustrated. Maybe he can’t fit down a chimney any more.
I know you’re not Santa, but he thinks you are. After he saw your picture his psychosis returned. He is a sick man.
And then, to top it off you send eggplant emogis. Joe is allergic to two things: Eggplant and Ohio. We have to avoid Ohio because he breaks out in hives if he goes near there.
So I have to ask you. For the sake of my husband please cease and desist. Do not “invite” him to e-mail you again or he will most definitely. I am asking politely. Thank you for listening.
Email Eight
You know, I had read almost everything on your blog except “Dear Jesus”. Deconverts always say it was nothing personal in their lives that turned them away from God. They say it was because of something they read, or due to Science, etc.
But it ALWAYS turns out to be something in their lives that caused them to turn away. When I read “Dear Jesus” I now see clearly why you are an apostate. You “served” Jesus, but “blamed” Jesus your whole life.
Your Mom, the divorce–“where were you Jesus?” I understand now Bruce. I PROMISE to never send you another email. I have badgered you with emails because I was genuinely upset that a former “Pastor” would tell me to “f” off.
There is another site that I am visiting again. They are a bit more understanding. There are some quick to curse there also, but that is to be expected.
I wasn’t aware of your sad past.. I’m truly sorry. But I have a far better understanding for your deconversion now. “Dear Jesus” is a real eye-opener to those looking for reasons for deconversion. My past is also sad but I don’t blame God for it.
Good luck with your blog. I am deleting every link to your blog, and regret barraging you with e-mails. Now that I understand your reason for turning back I regret not stopping earlier.
— end of emails —
Joe’s comments speak for themselves. I do want to address several things.
First, The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser is a blog, not a board.
Second, this is my personal blog. This blog has comment rules. Joe read these rules. He deliberately chose not to abide by these rules. He has no respect for me or the readers of this blog. I gave Joe rope to hang himself because I thought his comments (and emails) would be instructive, a reminder of the vile, ugly underbelly of Evangelical Christianity. Joe has certainly delivered.
Third, Joe has not read most of the 4,369 posts on this site. In fact, based on the server logs, Joe has read less than twenty posts.
Fourth, based on the server logs, this site has received no traffic from any of the ex-Christian sites.
If you have been reading this series of posts, it should be clear to you by now that Joe is a gaslighter, a liar, a bully, someone who isn’t used to someone standing up to him.
While Joe “apologized” in his last email, I don’t buy his apology, nor do I accept it. Joe is like an abusive husband who beats the shit out of his wife, abuses her with his words, and psychologically terrorizes her. And then, one day, he profusely apologizes to his wife, professes his love for her, promises to never, never abuse her again, and gives her $100 to buy a new dress. All is well, right? Nope. Days or weeks later, the husband abuses his wife again, a pattern of behavior that has been going on for years. Cause harm, apologize, cause harm, apologize, cause harm, apologize.
Joe tried to harm me, but failed. He tried to psychologically terrorize me, but failed. he tried to wound me, but failed. You see, contrary to what Joe says, I do have thick skin. Scores of “Joes” have come before Joe Sperling. I have been attacked and abused by God’s chosen ones over, and over, and over again. Years ago, Joe’s emails and comments would have caused harm. A decade of counseling has taught me how to deal with the Joes of the world. One way is to expose them, and that’s what I’ve done. Another way is to take their power away, the power to cause harm. And finally, putting people such as Joe in their place can be cathartic. I told Joe to “go fuck yourself,” not out of anger, but because I can. Joe can’t control what I say and that infuriates him.
Joe has repeatedly said he wouldn’t contact me again. We will see if he is a man of his word.
This is the last post in this series. Any further emails will be appended to this post.
Joe send me the following after this post was published:
Bruce– You tried to harm me and you succeeded. You tried to terrorize me and you succeeded. You tried to belittle me and you succeeded. Congratulations and goodbye.
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.
What you have done to the least of these my brethren you have done to me”. That verse seems to imply Bruce that who you were really telling to f%#$k off is Jesus not me, because I belong to Jesus.
Despite telling me four times that he would stop contacting me, Joe continues to send me emails:
Being human my curiosity caused me to check back on your site tonight. I was surprised you had extended the thread to a “Part 2”. I am not “outraged” at all. Just still shaking my head a little in disbelief that you told me “f$#$k you Joe” and then “f%$%k off!” That was in no way warranted. In fact, I didn’t say anything about your mental health until AFTER you had cursed me. I was using sarcasm (as I am sure many who read my email could easily surmise) when I said I was writing a chapter for a book about Abnormal Psychology. That was purely tongue in cheek.
I was just very surprised that you would find it “easy” to address someone in that way. I had even posted a message for Michael because of his civility, and his taking the time to list (4) points he wanted me to consider. The only post that had caused a truly negative response was when I spoke of slavery to point out they had no formal education due to their being in chains, but were very wise people. Sage took offense that I used slavery in my analogy. I told her she was being “touchy”. She is entitled to say whatever she wants to say though, and I need to learn to use different analogies in the future. But I never once found it within my right to tell her or anyone else for that matter to “f$#%k off”!
A blog like yours is set up to allow discussions to take place, so I was very surprised that you “silenced” me so soon. And then on top of that thought you had the right to tell me to “f%$%k off.” I disagree with people but never feel I have the right to say something like that to them. I do appreciate your allowing me to post my thoughts though. It is YOUR blog so you can run it as you see fit. I am only sending this email because you said you would allow me one more.
By the way, I never said you were on your way to hell. I said I felt intense sadness that deconverts will “miss out” and feel deep embarrassment when standing before Jesus one day. I will not take back that thought. I DO feel intense sadness when thinking of that. I know you don’t believe in a Judgment seat, but I do. One of the “laws of physics” says something to the effect of “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” (again, just a paraphrase if I’ve gotten the quote wrong). You believe we all just die and that’s it. You see I think the “law” I mentioned above can also apply to the spiritual realm. Did Heinrich Himmler just “die” and everything about him is now gone? Perhaps you can believe that, but I cannot. His “actions” caused untold grief to thousands and thousands of people. I believe one day, before the Great White Throne he will be asked to explain why he did what he did, and will be judged for it. I think we ALL must stand before God and explain why we did what we did.
“What you have done to the least of these my brethren you have done to me”. That verse seems to imply Bruce that who you were really telling to f%#$k off is Jesus not me, because I belong to Jesus.
I will not contact you again. All I can do is hope that any of the deconverts on the board might think twice about their decision. I know that 99% will say there is no need to re-consider. But there might be that 1%. And as that famous line Jim Carrey says in “Dumb and Dumber” “so you’re telling me I still have a chance!!??”
God bless you.
Where, oh where do I begin? As you can see, Joe is just a poor, misunderstood bloke who didn’t do anything to warrant me telling him to “go fuck himself.” His words speak for themselves. Joe tries to paint himself as a victim. He states that he was surprised I “silenced” him so soon. 🙂 Uh, Joe left twenty-five comments and sent me a dozen emails. He more than said his piece, even after I asked him repeatedly to stop contacting me.
Joe believes he is Jesus, that when I told him to “fuck off” I was really saying these words to Jesus. No, Joe, I am telling YOU, flesh and blood Joe, to “go fuck himself.” Not Jesus. Jesus is a dead man. Why would I tell him to “fuck off.” Besides, I don’t have a problem with Jesus, It’s you, Joe, and others like you I have a problem with.
Joe thinks that his words on this site might “help” a few deconverts who read my writing — maybe one percent. I think I can confidently say that Joe has helped them, reminding them of how glad they are to be free of Jesus and away from those who say they speak on his behalf.
I replied to Joe’s latest email. Here’s what I had to say:
Trigger Warning to Joe. This email contains swear words.
Joe,
You seem to think I give a shit about what you think. I don’t. You’ve told me four times you wouldn’t contact me again, yet you continue to email me. Why is that?
Stop the gaslighting, Joe. Own your behavior instead of blaming everyone else for how people responded to you. Stop lying. I never told you that you could email me one more time. Why the fuck would I do that? You know I told you that you could leave one more comment, which you did. So, don’t even suggest I said I wanted to hear from you again.
I don’t buy for a moment your claim that you were being sarcastic about the book blurb and my mental health. You intended your words to wound.
You are supposedly a grown-ass man, Joe. You can’t handle someone telling you to “fuck off” in an email? Especially since my response to your behavior was warranted. You seem to think you can say and do whatever you want without people responding to you. Not on my blog. I’ve dealt with countless Joe Sperlings over the years. I refuse to let them bully me, attack my character, or shit all over my blog. You ran into the wrong atheist, dude.
You say you are a Christian. You say you are a follower of Jesus. Yet, your behavior is anything but Christian. What did Jesus tell you about how to treat your enemies? How would Jesus have responded if someone told him to “fuck off”? WWJD?
I intend to make our email interaction public. This allows my readers a look at how Evangelicals behave, exposing the ugly underbelly of Evangelicalism. You have done a good job advancing the cause of atheism.
If you want to continue to harass me, I suggest you start a blog. It’s free, takes five minutes, then you can deconstruct my life to your heart’s content.
Bruce Gerencser
Bruce Gerencser, 66, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 45 years. He and his wife have six grown children and thirteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist.