Blog News

Comments

comments

I want readers to know that I read every comment. I appreciate you taking the time to thoughtfully comment on my writing. For a variety of reasons, most of which are health related, I find it very hard to keep up on the comments. (and the same goes for Facebook and Twitter)  I just want you to know that my lack of response has nothing to do with your comment. I greatly value those who take the time to comment and I hope everyone will continue to do so.  If there is a specific question you want me to address, please make that clear in your comment or send me an email. I will do my best to respond to your question.

Each day, I have a limited window of physical ability, so I try to focus on my writing and keeping this blog operating smoothly. I find it impossible to write, maintain the blog, and respond to every comment. My writing is often cross posted on No Longer Quivering. Usually, there are a fair number of comments on the post. Again, even though I want to, I simply don’t have the time or physical wherewithal to respond to every comment.

What I want to convey here is that I don’t want anyone to think I am ignoring them or don’t appreciate their comment (s). Make sense?

Have a great weekend.

Bruce

Doctor’s Visit Update

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Several people have asked about my doctor’s appointment today. Although I do have gallstones, the surgeon does not think I should have my gallbladder removed. He said that I do not have classic gallbladder symptoms. Normally, the pain would be on the right side and vary depending on what I ate. My pain is sharp, constant, in the upper left quadrant. I can not sleep on my left side, back, or stomach. Right now, I am getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night.

So, watch and wait. Blood work tomorrow to make sure I don’t have pancreatitis. Could be pleurisy, but I have had it before and it always is made worse by inhaling. This pain is constant, deep. Could be inflammation, so I am also having my SED rate rechecked to see if it has gone up. As you might remember, under 20 in the norm. Last year, my SED rate climbed to 35 and then in December it jumped from 35 to 67. This is a sign of increasing inflammation, but where?

Doctor thinks I should have CT scan or MRI repeated again if pain doesn’t go away.

Only negative was having to listen to the doctor (surgeon) lecture me about my weight. I have never seen him before. He acted like he knew everything about me. He is a big believer in calories in/calories out determining a person’s weight. His ignorance reflects his age, 63. I said nothing and let him preach his sermon. He knew I had Fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, and neurological problems, but, in his mind, I just needed to eat less. Never mind, he didn’t ask what I did eat. Had he done so, he would have found out that 90% of the time I don’t overeat. He thought my weight loss was wonderful. Never mind it is because I have no appetite. He could see my pants were falling off of me…but hey…no Big Mac and all will be well.

I am frustrated, tired, sick, angry, pissed off, depressed, and suicidal. I have those moments where I say to myself, no more. Maybe Polly would be better off collecting the insurance and finding herself a man that isn’t a physical wreck. She deserves better.

Since November 2014, I’ve had a CT scan, MRI, ultrasound, endoscopic ultrasound, biopsies of pancreas and lymph nodes, numerous blood tests, and five office visits. Cost? My insurance paid out $25,000 of which I (we) owed over $6,000. Just today, after my latest appointment, we stopped at 1st Source in Fort Wayne, to sign papers for a $5,000 personal loan. Parkview Hospital refused to help us with the bill and demanded we pay the bill off in no more than 12 payments. To avoid them ruining our credit, we took out a personal loan.

All this money and I am not one step closer to knowing what is wrong with me. Last week, the gastroenterologist called and said he wanted the endoscopic ultrasound redone in 6-9 months. Why? I thought my biopsies were benign?

I am not writing this to solicit medical advice, money, or sympathy. This is not a cry for help. No intervention is needed or desired. This is me grabbing the hair on my hairless head and screaming ____________________. (fill blank in with appropriate swear word)

What I have detailed above has been my life since 2007. I’ve had Fibromyaglia since 1997, but, in 2007, I started having neurological problems. Numbness in my thighs, face, and feet. Burning, searing pain if I walk for every long. I’ve lost motor function and muscle strength. I can no longer drive the car and must use a cane or wheelchair to get around. The doctors initially thought I had MS, but after $20,000 worth of brain scans and tests, the doctors said “inconclusive for MS.”

Since 2007, I have also had basal cell skin cancer removed from my nose, a cyst removed from my leg, and carpal tunnel surgery. Last weekend, I had a nasty fall and almost fell down a concrete abutment into a canal filled with water. Instead of falling backwards, I fell forward, spraining my ankle and causing a huge, bloody contusion on my leg. Polly was trying to help me up the abutment when all of a sudden she lost her grip and I fell. She ended up with bruised knees. But hey, I got some great photographs. :)

Why are you writing this, Bruce? Beats me. Feels good. Time to play some Rage Against the Machine.

Yes, I feel like dying. Yes, I feel like throwing in towel. Yes, I feel like taking a Doctor House dosage of drugs and calling it a day never to wake up again. But, I can’t. The Reds are 3-0 and in first place. Maybe this is the year. :) Polly and I have tickets for Sunday’s Reds vs. Cardinals game. I can’t feel any worse than I do now…well I don’t think I can anyway, so I am going to keeping doing what I can do. As long as the sun is shining, there is gas in the car, and money in the checkbook, I plan on getting out of the house, camera in hand.

Hey, I feel better. Thanks for listening. :)

April Blog News

for your information

Thank you for reading The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser. What follows is the April 2015 Blog News.

Ways to Read

There are serveral ways you can read The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser.

You can use an RSS feed reader

Post RSS Feed

Comment RSS Feed

You can subscribe to a daily digest of posts. Each day there is a post, at 6:00 PM EST, you will receive an email containing the complete text of the posts for that day. I use MailChimp to handle the mailing list.

Mailing List Subscription From

You can unsubscribe at any time. Every email has an unsubscribe link.

You can also read this blog in a browser or access it via Twitter and Facebook.

Mobile Theme

I am using WPTouch Pro to handle mobile devices. Almost 50% of readers use a smartphone or tablet to access this site. If you would like a feature added or experience a glitch please let me know.

Added Facebook Page

In response to readers requesting it, I have added a Facebook page for The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser. Every post will be published to this page. If you are on Facebook, I’d really appreciate you clicking LIKE. This page is NOT my personal Facebook account. If you would like to be BFF’s on Facebook, please click here.

Social Media

Facebook

Twitter

Google+

Health Update

April 9th, I have an appointment with a surgeon, Dr. Dale Sloan, at Lutheran Hospital in Fort Wayne. I continue to have loss of weight, loss of appetite, spikes in body temperature, and a sharply elevated SED rate. I have been dealing with this for four months now. Six weeks ago, I started having dull aching pain on my right side. Two weeks ago, I started having sharp and aching pain in my left side. At first I thought it might be pleurisy or inflammation, but it has not gone away so I suspect it is something else. Pancreatitis? Gall bladder? Hopefully I will know more after I see the surgeon. He has requested all my recent records and tests.

Last month I said I was planning on avoiding doctors. Unfortunately, my body did not get the memo.

As I mentioned in a previous post, last Sunday I had a nasty fall that resulted in a sprained ankle and a nasty contusion on my leg. I am fortunate I didn’t fall down a concrete abutment into the canal. If I had, I wouldn’t be writing this post. I did get some awesome photographs which I plan to share later.

Songs of Sacrilege

Thank you for all the submissions for the Songs of Sacrilege Series. If you come across a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please leave the name the song in the comment section or send me an email.

Questions

I have asked readers to submit questions they would like me to answer. If you have not yet asked your question, please do so. I hope to start answering them later this week.

Donations

Donations are always appreciated, never expected or required. You can find the donation form on the right sidebar at the bottom.

How to Contact Me

You can contact me via the contact form. If you would like to text me from time to time, please use the contact form to send me your cellphone number. Once I receive your number, I will send you a text. I text back and forth with several people who read this blog and I’d love to do the same with you. I promise, no naked selfies. Maybe me in a speedo or me showing off my 36 pack, but no naked selfies.

Blogs I Recommend: The Free Files

shout out

From time to time, I plan to make readers aware of blogs I think they might enjoy. Today’s shout out goes to The Free Files. (Site is no longer active) I met Amy five or so years ago, lost touch, and reconnected with her when I returned to blogging and Facebook. Amy comes from a fundamentalist Baptist background and attended a well-known fundamentalist Baptist college. I think many of you will enjoy and understand her story. I hope you will wander over to The Free Files and give it a read. If you are so inclined, leave a comment. I am sure Amy will appreciate reading your comments.

From the About page:

The Free Files is a place women can anonymously (or not) share their story concerning freedom from fundamentalism and collaborate concerning our lives today, how we are flourishing in spite of our past and our journey to peace, freedom and openness. This is a friendly place for women to come and tell a story, read a story. We are the stories. And we’re writing new ones.

This is not a site for religious bashing. I have been out of fundamentalism for fifteen years and my journey has brought me to a place of intentional non-religion, but I do respect that there are those who need and want religion in their lives and that walking away is a very personal decision. I am not an activist for or against religion. I am not concerned with muck, gossip or judgement. I am a psychology/women’s studies major, a mother and a woman who is primarily concerned with seeing other women progressing from their past, owning their lives and creating intentional love, health and well-being for themselves.

I was born into fundamentalism, the daughter of two Children of Alcoholics (COA’s). When I was eighteen, I began researching toxic parenting and misogynistic relationships. I wanted to know why my parents, otherwise humanitarian and independent minded, would choose to rear their children in an environment of fear, obligation, guilt and shame. I concluded that my parents looked to fundamentalism to create a sense of normalcy and control where there was none in their childhood. I know that my parents hoped to give their children a better childhood than they experienced, and in many ways it was a great childhood, but in the process I think they believed a treacherous lie – that love and control are synonymous.

I love stories. Stories were the bridge that enabled me to walk away from fundamentalism cold turkey, and without a network or support group or one single friend that could feel my pain. Reconnecting with myself, my core, who I am without the bullshit, has taken some time. I want to give back. I want to connect with others. For the first time in my life, I finally feel l am ‘on the other side.’

Walking away is only the beginning. The journey to find an essential self you were not allowed to know existed, much less acquaint yourself with or live out loud, is a long and arduous one. I hope this place helps women learn their story and tell their story without shame. Like many others, my story began as a girl whose life was an agenda for others to write. Fear was a friend that protected and guided me. Obligation was my life’s work. Guilt was my conscience. I look at my life in four stages:

F – Fearful
R – Running
E – Enlightened
E – Enlivening

I will share my journey with you. I can’t wait to hear yours.

 

March Blog News

for your information

Thank you for reading The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser. What follows is the March 2015 Blog News.

Ways to Read

There are serveral ways you can read The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser.

You can use an RSS feed reader

Post RSS Feed

Comment RSS Feed

You can subscribe to a daily digest of posts. Each day there is a post, at 6:00 PM EST, you will receive an email containing the complete text of the posts for that day. I use MailChimp to handle the mailing list.

Mailing List Subscription From

You can unsubscribe at any time. Every email has an unsubscribe link.

You can also read this blog in a browser or access it via Twitter and Facebook.

Mobile Theme

I am using WPTouch Pro to handle mobile devices. Almost 50% of readers use a smartphone or tablet to access this site. If you would like a feature added or experience a glitch please let me know.

Added Facebook Page

In response to readers requesting it, I have added a Facebook page for The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser.  Every post will be published to this page. If you are on Facebook, I’d really appreciate you clicking LIKE.  This page is NOT my personal Facebook account. If you would like to be BFF’s on Facebook, please click here.

Social Media

Facebook

Twitter

Google+

Pinterest

Health Update

Not much to report here. Right now, I am tired of tests and doctors, so I am taking a wait and see approach to things. While I was certainly glad to find out I didn’t have pancreatic cancer, I am no closer to finding out what is really going on. Something is not right, so the hunt for answers continues. These problems are in addition to the chronic, unrelenting pain and debility I live with every day.

Is wait and see the right thing to do? I don’t know, but I have reached a point where I am flat wore out from the tests, doctors, new prescriptions, and huge medical bills. Spring is on the way, so I hope to get out more. This will help to take my mind off of my health. It won’t cure me, but it will help me die in a better frame of mind. (there’s that famous Bruce Gerencser gallows humor again)

Donations

Donations are always appreciated, never expected or required. You can find the donation form on the right sidebar at the bottom.

How to Contact Me

You can contact me via the contact form. If you would like to text me from time to time, please use the contact form to send me your cellphone number. Once I receive your number, I will send you a text. I text back and forth with several people who read this blog and I’d love to do the same with you. I promise, no naked selfies. Maybe me in a speedo or me showing off my 36 pack, but no naked selfies.

February Blog News

for your information

Thank you for reading The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser. What follows is the February 2015 Blog News.

Ways to Read

There are many way you can read The Life and Times of Bruce Gerencser.

You can use an RSS feed reader

Post RSS Feed

Comment RSS Feed

You can subscribe to a daily digest of posts. Each day there is a post, at 6:00 PM EST, you will receive an email containing the complete text of the posts for that day. I use MailChimp to handle the mailing list.

Mailing List Subscription From

You can unsubscribe at any time. Every email has an unsubscribe link.

Blog Theme

I am using the Song Writer premium theme designed by Tomas Toman. His themes are well designed, customizable, responsive, and quite affordable. If you are looking for a custom or premium theme, please check out Tomas’s website.

Mobile Theme

I am using WPTouch Pro to handle mobile devices. Almost 50% of readers use a smartphone or tablet to access this site. If you would like a feature added or experience a glitch please let me know.

Social Media

Facebook

Twitter

Google+

Health Update

I have a March appointment scheduled with a colon/bowel surgeon. My primary care doctor wants me to have a colonoscopy. Since I am still having the same problems I detailed previously, and the endoscopic ultrasound showed no cancer on the pancreas, it is time to take a look at things from the ass end up. I had a colonoscopy done in 2007. At the time, the surgeon removed two noncancerous polyps.

Something is not right, so the hunt for answers continues. These problems are in addition to the chronic, unrelenting pain and debility I live with every day.

If you have not read my THANK YOU post, please do so. I greatly appreciate the outpouring of love, kindness, and support I’ve received over the last several months. Some days, it is a kind word from a friend that keeps me going. Never underestimate the power of kindness.

Donations

Donations are always appreciated, never expected or required. You can find the donation form on the right sidebar at the bottom.

How to Contact Me

You can contact me via the contact form. If you would like to text me from time to time, please use the contact form to send me your cellphone number. Once I receive your number, I will send you a text. I text back and forth with several people who read this blog and I’d love to do the same with you. I promise you, no naked selfies.

Domain Switch Over

for your information

Currently, this blog is hosted by NameCheap, the registrar I use for my domains. It is a cheap package, so the cost is right, but page load times are way too slow for my liking. So, at around 1:00 AM EST, I plan to switch over to Flywheel, the company I used before. You should notice a big change in page load speeds. I hope that the changes will propagate quickly, but there could be some sporadic unavailability tomorrow. I apologize for this if it happens to you. Any unavailability will be temporary.

After tomorrow, if you still can not access the site please let me know. You may want to flush your browser cache before contacting me. Sometimes, an outdated browser cache can result in page errors. (as can an incorrect IP address in the DNS cache, though this rarely a problem)

Facebook and Twitter

facebook and twitter

I decided I need some virtual human contact so I signed up for a personal Facebook account. This will be the place I hang out with family and friends, so don’t expect deep discussions about atheism or religion. Expect light discourse, pictures of the grandkids, and exposure to the “rest” of what makes up Bruce Gerencser. If you would like to be friends, you can friend me here.

As far as Twitter is concerned, I am not a big Twitter fan but I know others are, so I will do my best to accommodate the Twitterites by posting my writing to Twitter. You can follow me here.  Please don’t expect long 140 character discussions. I am not built for such discussions. I get too snarky. I am better suited for long, friendly discussions over coffee, wine, or a good meal.

Old Posts

Several readers have asked about reporting my previous writing. I will not be reposting my past writing, except for 20-30 old posts that I think are important and will give context to those reading my story for the first time. I want to revisit some of the things I wrote about years ago. Over the past 8 years I have changed a good bit and I think my writing should reflect this change.

Thank you for your understanding.

Bruce

For Your Information

for your information

RSS Feeds

RSS Feed for Posts

RSS Feed for Comments

Mailing List Signup Form

There is a mailing list signup form on the right sidebar. I am using MailChimp to handle email subscriptions.  If you signup for the mailing list you will receive a daily digest of every new post. The mailing list will be sent out at 6:00 P.M. Eastern every day there is a new post. You can also signup via this link. There is also a check box at the bottom of the comment form. All you need to do is check the box when you comment and you will be added to the daily digest mailing list. No matter how you sign up for the mailing list, you will receive an email verifying your email address. All you have to do is click the link in the email. If you want to unsubscribe, there will be an unsubscribe link in every email.

I am still working on the mailing list template. It looks “ok” but I want to tweak it a bit.

Mobile Device Support

I am trying a responsive theme for mobile devices rather than using WP Touch Pro. Supposedly, the theme should scale to whatever device you are using. If you are accessing this site with a smartphone, iPad, Kindle, iPod, etc, please let me know how things look. If you see any design issues or quirks, please let me know and I will do my best to fix them. You can contact me via the contact form.

Design

I am still working on the site design. I think I have most every thing the way I want it, but I will likely fiddle with it until I break it.  If you see anything that doesn’t look right, please let me know.

How to Contact Me

You can email me via the Contact Form. I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Thank you for once again reading my blog. You love and support is greatly appreciated.

Bruce