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Songs of Sacrilege: Gays Got Married by Trevor Moore

This is the seventy-third installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Gays Got Married by Trevor Moore.

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I grew up in an American town
No locks on the doors
When we all bedded down
To sleep
Met a pretty young girl, and made her my bride
After church on Sundays, take the kids for a ride
Down the street
Swimming holes, catching fireflies in jars
Spend the evening staring at the stars

Then the gays got married (gays got married)
And the plant shut down (plant shut down)
And the crops dried up (the crops dried up)
Everywhere around (Everywhere around)
Then the gays started kissin’ (started kissin’)
And the state said “Cool” (cool)
And they made all the kids
Be gay in school
’cause them gays got married (gays got married)

They announced it on TV
Jumped in my truck and slammed reverse
I had to get to my family
Before the gay could get there first
Hauling ass down the interstate
In my throat I could my heart
I didn’t know how much time I had
Before all the orgies would start
And they’re grabbing guys like me
And they’re pulling us out of our trucks
And they’re kissing our lips, and nibbling our ears
And all sorts of sexy stuff
And they’re taking us out to fancy hotels
And partying the night away
And they’re saying how good we look in their shirt
When we wake up the next day
No, I dare not look back
To see what’s behind
They almost got me once
When I was surfing online
But as strong and straight as I know I am
Every man can be pushed too far
I’ve seen the devil, and the devil looks like
Mario Lopez in jean shorts washing his car
I pulled up into my house
And I quickly ran inside
I grabbed my lovely spouse
But I felt no love when I looked in her eyes
The gay had gone airborne
And I didn’t make it in time
My family unit
Had already been undermined

The gays got married (gays got married)
And released gay spores (gay spores)
And all the straight people (all the people)
Weren’t in love no more (never love no more)
’cause them gays got married (gays got married)

Been in this bunker three long years
Canned food and recycled air
Yet I shudder when I think about
What must be happening up there
A radioactive scorched desertscape
Ruled by roving biker gangs
With scary tattoos and muscley arms
Blue eyes and super cute bangs
So I’ll seal myself off from everyone
And hide here until I die
Confused and angry, sad and alone
And I know the reason why…

’cause the gays got married (the gays got married)
The gays got married (the gays got married)
The gays got married (the gays got married)
The gays got married


Series Navigation<< Songs of Sacrilege: The Atheist Hymn by Intermittent Explosive DisorderSongs of Sacrilege: High in Church by Trevor Moore >>

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