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Songs of Sacrilege: Craig by Stephen Lynch

Craig by Stephen Lynch

This is the one hundred eighty-third installment in the Songs of Sacrilege series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a song that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please send me an email.

Today’s Song of Sacrilege is Craig by Stephen Lynch.

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Everyone knows Jesus,
The man who healed the lame,
But I am Jesus’ brother:
Craig is my name.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace,
Jesus is the Lamb,
Jesus is the Son of God,
But Craig don’t give a damn.

Because when Craig’s in sight,
We’ll party all damn night!
I don’t turn water into wine,
But into cold Coors Light!
I’m not my brother, I know,
Don’t walk on H2O,
But I got hydroponic shit that me and Judas grow!

I’m fuckin’ Craig!
I’m fuckin’ Craig!
Yeah, I’m fuckin’ Craig!
Craig Christ.

I hang out with lepers,
Barabas and Salome.
Jesus’ friends are called Apostles;
Those dudes are totally gay.

Jesus performs miracles
From Galilee to Rome,
But it would be a miracle
If he brought a fuckin’ lady home.

Because while Jesus is prayin’,
Fuckin’ Craig is layin’
Every lady in the Testament,
You know what I’m sayin’?
I won’t die for your sin
Like my famous kin,
But if you’ve got a little sister,
Then there’s room at this inn!

I’m fuckin’ Craig!
Yeah, I’m fuckin’ Craig!
I’m fuckin’ Claagh!
Craig Christ.

Jesus was our mother’s fave.
All her love to him she gave.
But there’s no sibling rivalry
When he’s nailed to that tree! Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

And now the question for you,
Is not “What Would Jesus Do?”,
But where will you be
When the Craig Machine comes partyin’ through?
And if the Lord will allow,
You’ve got to ask yourself how,
And who and why and when and where is your messiah now?

It’s fuckin Craig!
It’s Fuckin’ Craig!
Fuckin’ Craig!
Fuckin’ Craig!
I’m fuckin’ Craig!
Craig Christ.
Craig Christ.
Craig Christ.
I’m fuckin’ Craig.

Series Navigation<< Songs of Sacrilege: Curse Your Branches by David BazanSongs of Sacrilege: What if God Was One of Us? by Joan Osborne >>

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